A Travellerspoint blog

April 2009

of books and men

"men are like books.some tell tales of romance,some with deceiving covers, some with shallow content,some obsolete yet reliable. many claim to be a "new edition" only to find out they tell the same old story"

this text message i received from my spammer friend hanna kept me thinking. i would agree that at some point, men are like books. they come in different shapes and sizes and they tell you many things, mostly fictional hahaha. not that i'm an expert on men. but i have many guy friends who won't hesitate to tell me a thing or two about their not too discrete escapades. a few months ago, i devour 3 books in a week due to lack of social life. not that i dont have an option. i just don't feel any urge to go out with friends and splurge (as if naman may gagastusin!), so i ended up spending my money on books. they're mostly fictional FBI cases involving murder and serial killers or conspiracies yet to be proven ( i don't know if i need to be bothered but i just love these sort of stories). i go to booksale and books for less so i can get my money's worth. i wish i could say the same about men. no, i don't buy men, that's for sure, but sometimes i don't think i'm getting my "time's" worth waiting for them to sweep me off my feet. it just doesn't happen. during pensive modes, i would be asking "is it me?" do i drive them away (most of the time i drive them nuts, i know that for a fact). is there anything i need to improve when i deal with them? as i've mentioned, i have lots of guy friends, therefore, they can tolerate me.but then again, most of the guy friends i have now are gay so you know.... my "barako" pals would always say i'm a catch (aheeem, saka na bayad niyo ha). im fun to be with, no hang ups about eating at turo2, no qualms about hearing their pornographic stories about their current flings or exes etcetera. in short, jologs at kunsintidor. (not to mention gorgeous chareeeng!!!) it's just that i'm a bit "scary" meaning i have an aura that implies that "i'm not afraid to lose you if you stray", yun bang parang di sila tatagal ng 24 oras pag nalaman kong may tinext silang ex or prospective fling. to which i retaliated "what's wrong with that?" i mean who would want a two-timing "bastard" (di ito ikaw, classmate hehehe) for a partner? then he said exactly! that's the main reason men is afraid of you. not wanting to justify their mistakes, my friend emphasized on their need to feel "indispensable". he said as much as you would love to feel "emotionally secure", we want to feel indispensable. even if we don't stray(which is so unlikely for him hahaha), the fact that we feel threatened by such independence may make us divert our affection for some girl. he said he knows it sounds lame and weak but that's the case for most men. they may project a very arresting persona but deep inside, they hurt, they flinch, they cower like women do. and the thought of a woman who can dump they at the blink of an eye scares them like hell. hmmm....maybe he's right, iam a bit scary. o sige na nga nakakatakot na ko, happy??? still, i wouldn't lessen my standards or lose my principles just to please someone, nor settle for someone who's available. at times i wish i could, i mean just fall for the next best guy but that just wouldn't be fair. i believe that if any effort is exerted to fall for someone, that would be a waste of time.we don't choose who to love. it just happens.but (isang malaking BUT) we have a control over our actions. we do things consciously, regardless if it's right or wrong. it's just a matter of what you believe in, ce n'est pas? how i wish men are like books, choose whichever you like, understand them just by reading `em. but then, men are far more complicated.....sad but true.

Posted by maharot 18:27 Comments (0)

a sad fairy tale

reposted from another blog. this was written during the dark ages hehehe

once upon a time,in an unknown kingdom, there lived a princess who has no royal blood but thinks she's a princess nonetheless. she secretly believed in a happily ever after ending. tired of her "royal" duties, she went wandering in the palace grounds, escaping the guards just to have a puff of marlboro. a frog was doing the same in a pond near the bushes where the princess was hiding. to make the long story short, i'll have to end this. just kidding..

the princess and the frog became good friends. as days pass, the princess got fond of the frog in the pond, she finds it(the frog) extremely funny (looking?). like all friendship, they have their ups and downs. most of the time, the frog would forget to show up on time (for various reasons) or doesn't show up at all (again, for various reasons). but the princess is a very patient person (feisty alright, but patient still). she would forgive the frog everytime. their war modes would last for hours, days or weeks even. their friendship has a switch, sometimes on but mostly off. the princess tried to understand that maybe, since they came from different class and order (the princess being a mammal under order primates while kermit=amphibian order anura) they totally have different set of values which may account for their misunderstandings. given this fact, the princess still considered the frog a good friend.

subconciously, the princess was hoping that the frog is a true prince and was just cursed by a snotty hag whom he had wronged before. the frog if not for his appearance, could pass for a human being. he's nice, funny, sweet, has emotions and could talk, mind you. one time, the frog asked the princess "has it ever crossed your mind that we two could be an item?". with a spark of hope, the princess answered semi-truthfully "with everyone teasing me, of course". but at the back of her mind she would have wanted to say "always". there were nights (and days) that all she could think about is the frog. has it eaten? where could it be now? does it ever think of me as much as i think of it? does it value the friendship as much as she does? probably not. maybe it's off to some place to get acquainted with its fellow frogs, croaking all night, looking for flies to feast on. after that incident, the frog didn't ask anymore, he would always ask her out, visit her, talk to her, but would never ask the same question he asked before. this made the princess feel unattractive. she was even thinking, am i not even lovable for a frog?

the princess tried to accept things as they are and remained friends with the frog. but the frog having lacked education since there were no frog school in the kingdom, didn't learn anything from his mistakes. he repeatedly do things much to the dismay of the princess; lame excuses, broken promises blah blah blah. the princess would always remind him that her patience has a limit, that one day, they may part ways, go on with their lives without looking back. that only the happy memories will remain, but not the person. the frog just shrugged (yes they can do that).

one morning, the princess woke up from a dream. in that dream, she was telling the frog how much she loved it. she stopped entertaining other friends (be it a person or an animal) just because.... it was her choice though and had no regrets in doing so. the frog said "why didn't you tell me?" the princess replied with tears rolling down her cheeks "i could have loved you more than you can imagine, but you never gave me reasons to".

it turned out the frog is just your ordinary frog......not the prince the princess would have wanted it to be....
froglet.jpg

Posted by maharot 18:26 Comments (0)

salawahan

napapansin ko lately na parang wala na yung dati kong sigla. parang lagi akong malungkot o kaya may iniisip. wala naman akong sakit (sa utak alam ko meron, malaki!). di naman din ako natatae. at definitely wala akong TB! hmmm. buti na lang nanonood ako ng the buzz! si papa lloydie pala e nalilink kay Broooffa! di to pupwede!walang makakaagaw sa one ang only lloydie ko. oo nangangaliwa ako, pero si zanjoe ang kinakaliwa ko because of mr. cruz. buti na lang clinear up niya yan or else..susugod ako sa bahay nila at magsusumbong ako kay mommy!
ruff.jpg
ano ba tong sinasabi ko? teka inom muna ako ng kape para kilabutan ako. prozaaaaaaaaaac!!!

Posted by maharot 14:51 Comments (0)

mood for the day

you are my sunshine
my only sunshine
you make me happy
when skies are gray
lalalala

Posted by maharot 11:49 Comments (0)

lost in love

"Sabel! This must be love!"—Carmi Martin, “Working Girls” (1986)

im sure at one point in time, you have mistaken attraction, lust or pure boredom for love. who hasn't, right? who, in their proper mind, doesnt want to feel love and be loved as well? i know im not the sanest person you can meet and im told worse things, so i dont share the same thinking. sure i'd like to be in love and be loved but i dont equate a mere crush to love no matter how ecstatic i get whenever i see my eye-candy. i can stay in limbo (kilig phase) for quite some time and not really think im in love with the person. i dunno if that's a good thing though. sometimes i feel im incapable of loving again. i mean falling in love. with my long list of requirements, people may think im a perfectionist. i beg to disagree though hehehe. i am capable of loving (after a series of investigating, experimenting and of course, pseudo-dating). the question is: WHO???

i havent met anybody new that catches my attention. i dont date, no trysts, no nothing. sure i get to meet guys at work but no one seems to meet the standards. i tried checking friends' friends but no luck. i always end up discovering questionable traits. there was one though that seems to remind me of someone, but then i lost interest for some (undisclosed) reason hahaha. he would have been okay. nice, somewhat funny, not too stocky and the whole shebang. tsk tsk tsk too bad so sad....

my "spiritual adviser" told me to just forget them and move on. surely, someone will come and sweep me off my feet, i said. someone nice smart funny and loving. my prince charming i told him. then he said..
"wala na kokonti na lang kami!! hahaha"
i retorted."he'll come. what are you implying? na d niya ko mahahanap, ganun?!?"
he simply said " nagiisa na lang ako!"
that made me frown, not because im mad but that statement confused me. is he making a pass at me?
"so anong iniimply mo? na di na niya ko mahahanap o ikaw na lang ang last resort ko?"
he just laughed...

my friend ruthie tells me "alam mo ikaw minsan, dense ka din e! obvious naman na gusto ka nila di mo naman pinapansin"
i said: it's not that. ayoko lang mag-assume tapos binobola lang naman ako. you know how i hate liars and players.
ruthie: naman!may nag-oofer naman ah. yung isa panay ang reto sa yo sa iba, that's a sign. you just have to read between the lines.
me: what if im dyslexic? i may be getting the wrong signals. why cant they just tell me bluntly?? yung meron namang sincerity.
r: tingin mo sa angas mong yan di sila maiintimidate?
m: e wala pala silang b*y*g! di din sila pupwede kung sa simpleng pagsasabi di nila magawa.i wont settle for anything less hehehe
r: haaaaaaaaay ewan ko sayo.
m: un lang naman hinihintay ko.sincere at matapang
r: na funny na matangkad na brusko na mabait at smart.perfect na yun!
m: uhmmm i rest my case...for now

Posted by maharot 08:21 Archived in Jamaica Comments (0)

.....

here we go again...

minsan, may mga bagay na di mo maexplain. parang yung feeling na matatae ka pero utot lang pala. o kaya yung may makati pero di mo mapin-point kung saan. ang masaklap sa likod tapos di mo maabot o di makamot kasi di mo nga alam kung saan ang makati.haaaaaay i know im not making any sense pero it feels so good. parang ang sincere ng feeling. i guess sincere talaga kasi, ewan.weird ba? ang kaso la naman akong nafifeel na romantic sa ginagawa namin. i guess i was just used to it. today was different kasi di niya ko binuhat nung hinug niya ko pero it lasted for 2 mins siguro. i lost track of time until naisip ko na all the while na naguusap kami, di niya nirerelease ang hug...pang chick flick lang ang chika hehehe. alam ko excited na kayo malaman hihihi (kahit la naman nagbabasa ng blog ko). i just need to let some steam out...here goes...

iika-ika akong maglakad sa gitna ng kfc kasi madulas ang sahig... (and the guy is...drum rolls please...DAX!!! alam ko na maraming kinikilig sa tandem namin, minsan feeling ko kinikilig na din ako hahaha kaso pang ilang oras lang un)
dax: ayos ah malayo pa lang nakakunot na noo mo.
me: normal na yan no!
he hugged me like forever.pramis.lapat na lapat ang ang katawan namin i swear.no, this wont turn into a pseudo-xerex letter. i was ranting about things we missed out when we last talked to each other (which was yesterday). all the time na dumadakdak ako, pahigpit ng pahigpit ang hug niya. i dunno if he was feeling my boobs (manyak naman talaga sha minsan kahit tinatago niya hehehe). late ko na narealize na ang tagal namin nakatayo malapit sa table, all the while embracing each other. his 6'2.5" and my 5'8.5" (i was wearing heels) frame was a distraction. nung narealize ko how he was holding me, nailang ako bigla. so i said:

me: pwede mo na ko bitawan hehehe
d: hahaha
pagtingin ko sa table he ordered a chicken sandwich (zinger ata yun), spicy chicken wings with ranch dressing and chicken strips.

m: ano to?
d: para sayo, lakas mo kumain e hehehe
m: tado ka! bat walang rice? hahaha
d: ilan ba gusto mo? ako kasi diet e (grinning)
m: ano gusto mo pa? bibili pako.
d: kaw, kung kaya mo yan lahat ok na ko sa water.
m: sure ka jan?? bibili ako ng rice soda and water lang sayo?
d: tubig lang.diet hehehe ang payat ko na nga e
m: whatever!
d: hahaha
after blabbering about the newest updates on my not so colorful life, natapos din kami kumain. he was laughing at my "i love you, piolo video (which i referred to as my scandal, i promise i'd make one) which was a far cry from his own version hahaha. at syempre, di lalampas sa paningin niya ang umusli kong bilbil sa video.
d:yaak!
m: ano?
d: bilbil o!
m: tseh! pumayat nako.
d: oo nga grabe pinayat mo ah kumpara sa video.
m: sira nung isang araw nga lang yan di ba.
d: yun nga e ibig sabihin pumayat ka na agad hahaha ang galing mo!
m: buwiseeet!
sabay tingin ako sa shoes niya. naka leather si gago.
d: bakit?
m: la lang. baka naka rubbershoes ka e.
d: e ano naman?
m: ampangit kaya.
d: sabi mo nga dati. bat may babaeng ayaw ng rubber shoes?
m: bat kasi may nagsusuot ng rubber shoes?
d: kumportable
m: kahit na, baduy no.
d: pansinin mo naman ung pasalubong ko pambihira! (a trinket with my name on it)
m: ay ano to?aaaaw tenchu! san galing?
d: baguio...
m: how sweet. musta na si _______?
d: sa knila.
m: wag mong sabihing...
d: wala na a month ago pa. mahabng kwento.
m: 3rd party?
d: wala no.nwalan na lang ng time kasi di na kami nagkikita.
m: aaaaw...im sure in no time, babalik ka din dun
d: (smirks) ganyan na talaga tayo. kaw ganyan, ako ganito hehehe
together: haaaaaaaaay

minsan naiisip ko, he'll be my forever knight... whether i like it or not!
412px-Ches..ht_0965.jpg

Posted by maharot 20:37 Archived in Jamaica Comments (0)

bolahan

nagbabalik ang tambalang balasubas at balahura!!!hahaha

sunday night...

dax: musta gimik?
me: ayos naman. saya! sana sumama ka.
d: hinahabol ko kasi ang basketball e, sayang yung championship.kaso natalo naman :( late na nga ako gumising.5 na.gusto ko sana sumunod kaso uuwe kana agad e gusto ko sana monday pa uwe e.kaso pabalik na kayo agad.
m:nandito pako galera no!
d:SHEEEEEEEEEEET NAMAN SHOOOOOTAH E. GRRR
m:e kasi naman lagi kang busy. di ka na magkandaugaga sa social life mo. you have no time for me hmph hehehe
balls.jpg
d: kung alam mo lang....
m: na ano? na balingkinitan ako?alam ko na yan!hahaha
d: ok.super hot!at bata pa!
m:wahaha tado! tell me something i dont know ;)
d:ikaw ang rason ng lahat...
m: hmp tinagalog mo lang ang youre the reason for everything..
d:walang kasing liwanag ang iyong ningning!
m: korni! panis naman yan!
d:wla kang kasing aaaaaaaaaaaasiiim!
m: hay nako you need a refresher! like "you're everything i never thought i've always wanted" saka yung "urs is the face that i want to see when i wake up, the embrace id love to feel at the end of the day. i love u more than i could ever find the words to say..."
d: nalaglag brief ko dun ah
m: di ka naman nagbbrief e!!!romantic lang talga ako no.
d: ganun naman lahat e, dumarating yun.
m: hinde no, im always sweet. galing lang magtago hahaha
d: kaya naman ang galing din nilang magtago! hahaha mwaaaah

Posted by maharot 13:08 Archived in Jamaica Comments (0)

ang madramang ex girlfriend..

not my entry. found this along with other great reads in another site...hmmm gawa kaya ako ng "bitter ocampong ex bf???"

You only call me when you’re down
You only call me when you’re down
You only call me when you’re down
You only call me when you’re down
-- Bush, “X-Girlfriend”
Out of the blue, my boyfriend’s ex texted him a couple of weeks back, asking for an old picture of the two of them someone had taken several years ago. Di alam ni BF kung nasan na yun ngayon, so sabi niya wala sa kanya. Girl texted back, ”Yes it is! You put it in an old textbook!”. E di nainis naman daw si BF. (disclaimer ni BF: “Hindi ako nainis a! Somewhere below inis”. Baka daw kasi mabasa ito ng ex niya. ) Ang kulit naman niya, sabi na ngang wala sakin eh he told me.

Feeling ko nabalitaan niya na may bago ka nang girlfriend I said, kaya ka niya biglang tinext. Kaya lumang picture niyo yung hinahanap niya.

Bakit kaya ganun, no. Anlabo talaga ng mga ex-girlfriend. Maniwala kayo, dumaan din naman ako sa ganyan no. Alam mo yun, kunwari ikaw yung ex-girlfriend. Tapos narinig mong may bago nang girlfriend yung ex-boyfriend mo. Tapos ikaw wala pa, single ka pa din. Di ba medyo feeling olats ka nun. Hindi naman kasi sa ibig sabihin mahal mo pa yung ex mo or whatever, hindi naman laging ganon kasi yung situation. Yung overall feeling lang kasi na, ayun masaya na ulit yung ex mo, may ka-holding hands siya ulit, chuchu. Tapos ikaw, wala pa din, naghihintay pa din na tamaan ka ni Kupido. Or tinamaan ka na pero yung kabila hindi pa din. Or something. Basta. Whatever. Ang point e, pag ex-girlfriend ka at yung ex mo e meron nang bagong chickabebs, ehe, grabe. Dramaturgy kung dramaturgy. Lahat ng kadramahang nag-ooverflow sa lahat ng telenovela ngayon sa TV, walang binatbat sa combination ng self-pity, insecurity, lunacy at cunning na ike-credit mo ang sarili mo for having.

Mas mabuti pa nga yung ex ng boyfriend ko ngayon, hanggang text lang humihirit. Yung ex ng ex ko, habang kami pa nung ex kong yun, tatawag ba naman at papapuntahin ko yung (then) boyfriend ko sa bahay nila para bumisita sa nanay nung girl. Bisita, my ass! Ano ako tanga? Tapos laging bumibisita sa UP, laging pinupuntahan yung ex ko. Magyayayang mag-dinner. Syempre hindi ako kasama. Sino nga ba naman ako, hamak na girlfriend lang naman. Pero syempre go, hindi naman ako mag-aacting na overjealous girlfriend di ba. Sige punta ka dun, samahan mo ex mo. OK lang, magnanimous girlfriend kuno. Maya-maya break na kami. Hahaha. Natuwa siguro ang gaga. Nangyari din yung gusto niyang mangyari. Napag-hiwalay din kami.

Pero palagay ko hindi naman yun sinadya, syempre hindi na naman kasi ako bitter di ba. Ang iniisip ko lang, nung una ding nagka-girlfriend yung ex ko, tapos ako naman yung unattached pa, medyo nawindang din ako e. Parang di ako makapaniwala na yung ex ko masaya na ulit, may bounce na ulit sa step niya. Halong envy sa kanya dahil may nagmamahal ulit sa kanya na mahal din siya, at disappointment na hindi pa yun nangyayari sa akin, at awe na parang, wow ex ko ba ito? Parang ibang tao siya a! Hindi na siya yung kilala ko dati! At higit sa lahat, ang pinakamatimbang sa tingin ko, ang ego-shattering realization na hindi na siya sa iyo, sa ibang tao na siya, hindi ka na ganon ka-importante tulad ng dati.

Oo, hindi na nga kayo nagmamahalan, for example. Kunwari ganon, magkaibigan na lang talaga kayo (kasi kung papag-usapan pa natin yung case na apektado ka talaga dahil mahal mo pa yung ex mo, naku, talo ka na dyan, talo!). Siyempre nag-uusap pa din kayo. Kwento-kwento tungkol sa buhay, sa mga kamag-anak, sa ginagawa ng isa’t isa. Tapos biglang isang araw sabi niya may girlfriend na siya ulit. Ewan ko, there’s something primal in that situation. Asserting your territory to an extent. Kasi pwede mong tignan na ganon e, territorial na hayop kasi ang tao e. For a period of time, “territory” mo yung ex mo (how’s that for a sexist remark, treating ex-boyfriends like pieces of real estate, LOL), ikaw yung nag-aalaga, ikaw yung nag-aasikaso. Tapos ngayon iba na, hindi na pwedeng ikaw. Kahit ikaw yung gumagawa nun nung hindi na kayo. Wala na, iba na talaga.

Kaya lumang picture nila ng boyfriend ko yung hinahanap ng ex niya. Kaya laging nag-iimbita yung ex ng ex ko na bumisita siya sa nanay nung girl. Kasi yun yung mga marks of territory nila sa isa’t isa, yun yung mga bagay comprising their collective couplehood memories.

May tendency lang siguro ang mga ex-girlfriend na mas mag-overreact pag nasa ganyan sitwasyon. Feeling mo inaagawan ka ng mundo ng kakampi. Feeling mo pinapag-tripan ka ng tadhana. Pero hindi naman kasi yun yung point eh. Ang point eh ito:

Kung ano yung meron kayo dati ng ex mo, ganon na lang yun. Hanggang dun na lang kayo. Tutal, wala namang makakaagaw ng lahat ng memories niyo ng isa’t isa eh. Hindi naman yun mawawala. Pero kahit sabihin mo na magkaibigan naman kayo, at isipin mo man na importante ka pa sa kanya, oo totoo nga ito, pero hindi tulad ng dati. Hindi talaga. Kaya wag mo nang pilitin, wag mo nang i-assert yung sarili mo, mukha ka lang tanga. Kung gusto kang kwentuhan ng ex mong may bagong girlfriend, hintayin mong lumapit. Wag mong unahan, nahahalatang apektado ka. Hindi na uso ngayon ang pa-martir effect. Hindi na din gumagana ang reverse psychology. Tanggapin mo na, sa ibang tao na siya. Tapos na ang era niyo.

Want to know something funny? Madalang na nangyayari ito sa lalaki, na yung guy yung nangungulit dahil may bagong boyfriend na yung ex niya. Ang mga lalaki kasi, pag nalalagay sa awkward situation na ganyan, kusa na silang lumalayo. O di ba, para klaro ang mga linya.

E tayong mga babae, masyado talaga tayong madrama. Maghahanap ng kung anu-anong dahilan para lang ma-remind ang ex na, hoy natatandaan mo ba ako? Girlfriend mo dati? Idadaan kunwari sa pagsoli ng mga hiniram na t-shirt, o sa pagbigay ng Christmas gift na napag-usapan habang sila pa. Ang gusto lang naman talaga sabihin e, Gago ka porket may bago ka nang girlfriend wag mo akong kakalimutan bwiset! Bakit ikaw may bago ka na, ako miserable pa din?! Natatandaan mo ba tayo dati, ganyan din tayo dati, kung pano kayo ng bagong girlfriend mo ngayon…

Ang kulit kasi, sabi na ngang wala namang makaka-erase ng pinagsamahan ninyo ever. May lugar ka na sa history ng ex-boyfriend mo, parang si Erap may lugar sa listahan ng mga naging presidente ng Pilipinas. Hahaha. Pero seryoso nga, totoo.

Ngayon, ang problema na lang e kung gaano kahanda yung bagong girlfriend ng ex mo na tanggapin ka as historical fact. Kung hindi, naku, yan ang pinagmumulan ng psycho-b*tch girlfriend from hell… Ibang kwento na yun…

Posted by maharot 13:18 Comments (2)

taguan

this is fiction and in no way related to my experience as a stalker hahaha

"cannot be,borrow one from three"

yan ang sabi ng titser ko nung grade one.at yan ang mantra ko this year. para di ako natetempt. Kasi wa epek yung last kong mantra, yung " ah baka nahihiya ka lang". magfeeling ba? e obvious naman na lahat ng nakapalda e niligawan mo na. minsan nga tinry ko pang mag-palda baka sakaling maisip mong babae din ako e. kaso no deal pa din! kaya ngayon dededmahin na kita.

Ano ba naman kasi ang pinakain mo sakin. ni hindi mo nga inalok ng juice man lang. hi at hello lang lagi, pilit pa. parang lalagnatin ka lagi pag nakikita mo ako. feelingero ka din siguro. ako naman si tanga, mapride, kunwari di kita napapansin kahit half naked kang palakad-lakad sa harap ko. hinihintay ko pa kasing lumapit ka. di mo naman ginawa. "ay busy lang siguro". naging belief ko din yan. yun e after weeks na nagpapakyut ako sayo at no effect pa din. Eh wala pa ngang sampung minuto mawawala ka na sa paningin ko. di pa din ako nawalan ng gana. ni-stalk pa din kita kala mo ha. after a month, nalaman ko na din ang course mo. geodetic engineering pala. 3rd year at consistent scholar. huwaaaw! at andrew macaspac jr. ang name mo. hmmm katrina reyes macaspac. bagay na din kahit mabantot pakinggan. mabango ka naman e. the following sem, nag cross enroll pako sa isang subject na kinukuha mo, elective ba, para sa dorm pwede tayong magreview. hanggang isang araw nawala ka na lang. wala man lang warning o kahit goodbye kiss, di naman ako weary of strangers e. di din naman ako choosy. pwede ka na sa nanay ko. mabait naman yun at im sure boto sha sayo kahit di ko pa sha tinatanong.

The following sem, di na kita nakita sa dorm. naisip ko siguro nagpapamiss ka lang. in fernez, epektib ha. minsan ka lang gumimik, swak agad. so ako naman, waiting in vain sa pagdating mo. kilala ko na nga lahat ng roomate mo e. si karl, classmate pala ni marla na roomate ko. si harley naman, blockmate ni stephen na bf ni denise, na katabi ng room ko. si dondon, teamate ng kuya ni jamie, na roomate ko din. and last but not the least, si dondi na fubu ni aira. o diba meant to be talaga. isa na lang lalakad na, tayo na lang di naghu-hook-up.

tinry ko na maginternet at isearch ka dun. iaadd sana kita sa facebook at friendster kaso la naman ako mahanap. sinubukan ko na ang drew, jun-jun, jhun2, bong, bhong, vhong, junior at dayunyor macaspac pero wala pa din. i therefore conclude, di ka tech savy hmph. di ko naman alam ang email address mo, kung meron man.
Iniisip ko pa rin kung bakit ka ganon. Hanggang tingin ka lang. Alam mo naman na pagkatapos nung gabing yon, malamang di na tayo magkikita. Ba’t mo hinayaan na magkahiwalay tayo ng ganon-ganon na lang?

“Kasi di mo naman talaga ako type (baka natuwa ka lang).”
“Kasi meron ka nang iba…GF o asawa.?”
"Kasi miyembro ka ng NPA? o worst, you can never be mine kasi "miyembro ka din ng Federacion"

Pa’no ko ngayon maku-confirm? Di na kita mahagilap. Pero me sasabihin pa nga pala ulit ako sa’yo. Di pa ako gumigib-ap sa thought na hanggang dito na lang tayo. Limang araw ka pa lang nawawala. Hahanapin kita, pramis.

Posted by maharot 12:14 Comments (3)

the future awaits

a blog i posted for the future mr. panganiban

hmmm...to wed or to bed??

Happy 27th birthday to my intended, marat safin...funny name huh? Laugh all you want but this dude's more than just a pretty face. He held the No. 1 ATP ranking for 9 weeks during 2000. In that year, he won his first Grand Slam tournament at the US Open , by defeating (then-) 4-time US Open winner and (eventual) 14-time Grand Slam tournament winner Pete Sampras in straight sets. Tennis experts immediately hailed him as the new star who would dominate tennis in future years. at the same time he dominated my thoughts (aaaw).he also beat Roger Federer in 2005 en route to the finals. The future Mr. Panganiban who stands 6ft 4 inches and weighs 195 lbs has been known to have bad temper during tournaments (which doesn't bother me a bit). He's oh so gorgeous, I wont mind even if he goes berserk during the wedding....(can't blame him, he's marrying a Goddess)....now that I've mentioned the wedding, let me give you a peek at our plans. It would be in June (just wanted to experience the June Bride brouhaha), year witheld to avoid the paparazzi. it would definitely be in Spain (dont ask why). by the way, he's fluent in Russian, Spanish and English, so there wont be any language barriers between us (Haah!) and since i'm the silent(????) type, we wont be talking much.we can express ourselves thru gestures (with him hitting me with his racquet probably hehehe and me putting ecstacy in his food and drinks).where was i? ah the wedding location. so it would be in spain, valencia most likely. i'd be wearing a gown by pepsi herrera ehhrm...i mean Vera Wang. his (tuxedo) made by Giorgo (yeah, first name basis). he insisted on wearing jeans (he's very comfortable with it) but i wont hear of it.it has to be formal, i said. among the principal sponsors will be david lynch, martin scorcese,oprah winfrey and of course,GMA and Kuya Germs (hehehe). the food will be a mixture of italian (his favorite) and asian fusion (with Binagoongang Baboy and Sinigang as the main course). Since we're both coke addicts, we opted to have that as the ONLY drink (you may choose diet coke for those "calorie" conscious guests). sugar overload harharhar!the bridal entourage is still indefinite as of press time. we'd be having our honeymoon in the Caribbean since he could pay for that. kring kring...ooops end of daydream darn!!! thank you for calling. you've reached the winter of my discontent.....

Posted by maharot 21:01 Comments (0)

psychological projection

"He who fights with monsters might take care lest he thereby become a monster. And if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you." - Friedrich Nietzsche

have you ever wanted something or someone so badly, you cant take your mind off it/him/her? silly question, i know. everyone, at one point or another has gone thru this phase.can't sleep, cant concentrate, cant even think right. one time, i was on my way to the beach with some friends and i remembered about a car we (my friend and i) once talked about. it was his ex's dreamcar.and i couldn't remember it. i kept still for a few minutes, trying to remember it. not that it was important. i was just bothered that i've forgotten it.so i kept on nudging step to give me a list of cars that were out in the market in the early 90s. i was insisting it was a toyota model.after half an hour of guessing, i figured it wasn't a toyota but a mitsubishi. so step, being very patient thought of mitsubishu models (we even got to the L-type lancer hehehe). i was so sure the model name starts with an A or an E. to make the long story short, it was a nissan model, a Cefiro (A or E pala ha), that kept us busy for a good 60 minutes. heniways, what im trying to point at is the frustration you get when you're in that situation, and that was an easy example. now imagine pining for someone you can never have. like your mother, father or any immediate family member. i know it's a bad analogy, but no, i'm not into incestuous relationships, i just have sick way of comparing things. goin back, i'm having episodes again, not very depressing though but disturbing. normally, it would take a while before i get attracted to someone. but then i started to notice i'm becoming very fond of this person, let's call him "kodiak", he looks like one hahaha.nonetheless, i find him "diverting". yeah he takes my mind off things coz he occupies my thoughts (patay tayo jan!) all the time. ok, that was an exaggeration. but whenever i run out of ideas to think about, he always pops in my mind. or maybe i wanna think about him. that warms my heart, despite the fact that he may never be mine.not now, not ever. i believe in miracles but i dont think i want to have him. maybe im just absorbed by the idea of having someone like him (or someone who possesses traits that i like about him). it may even be a result of prolonged "non-existent lovelife". and maybe, no make that definitely, a part of me yearns to be in love again, with someone who loves me in return. i'm tired of treading a one-way street which could probably be a dead -end. i want to take new challenges but then again, a part of me is afraid to venture into a web of uncertainties. as i always say, pain is inevitable, but subjecting yourself to clear and present danger is another story...

Posted by maharot 21:00 Comments (0)

my kinda guy

let's assume God has given you a chance to create an alpha male i.e. the ultimate object of your hormonal desires. what would you do? don't faint on me now, this is just a hypothetical question. but an enticing one, dont you think? just look at the possibilities of combining superior traits in just one person. its like superman without kryptonite. awesome! now enough of that. since this is my blog, i have a right to be selfish so indulge me in my reverie. below is a list of traits/qualities i look for in a man (ideally). to add a twist, i'll pick up fictional characters so i can spice up your imagination. fasten your seat belt....
Intelligence
Dr. Spencer Reid - he may be geeky(he really is....) but it amazes me on how he can read so fast (yeah i know he's a fictional character, fantasy nga e...magbasa ka ba ng 20,000 words per minute tingin mo normal yun ). physically, he looks interesting; waif-like but interesting, thanks to matthew gray gubler, who plays the intellectually stimulating doctor (3 Ph.D. by the age of 23) in the CBS crime drama Criminal Minds. he has an edeitic memory or in lay man's terms a photographic memory. he can tell you the page on the book where he read a quote or a line.amazing right? and in the show no one questions him. i won't (i'd be drooling by then). but since dr. reid lacks social skills, we'll focus our attention to Mr. Personality.
Personality
a very wide range if you ask me. my boytoy has to be funny, humble, athletic, sweet, romantic, sensible, honest and faithful. did i miss anything? naah ill get back to that another time. let's start with sense of humor.i was never fond of older men but i find walter mattahu very funny.he brings mr. wilson to life in the dennis the menace movie but i like him more in odd couple II with jack lemmon. very witty, obnoxious yeah, but witty nonetheless. then blend it with Gyeon-woo's (my sassy girl) patience, james bond's charms; roger federer's focus; noah calhoun's (the notebook) loyalty, a romantic like harry burns (when harry met sally....." I love that you get cold when it is 71 degrees out. I love that it takes you an hour and a half to order a sandwich. I love that you get a little crinkle in your nose when you're looking at me like I'm nuts. I love that after I spend day with you, I can still smell your perfume on my clothes. And I love that you are the last person I want to talk to before I go to sleep at night. And it's not because I'm lonely, and it's not because it's New Year's Eve. I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible. ") naks! panalo!
of course, the list wont be complete without the LOOKS...
it can vary from officer tom hanson of 21 jump street, eddie alden of someone like you, aaron samuels of mean girls (too bad he's gay), tony kukoc of the chicago bulls, agent michael vaughnn of alias, mike delfino of desperate housewives and the list goes on....

Posted by maharot 20:58 Comments (0)

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