A Travellerspoint blog

March 2010

tulala

short story

parang tumigil ang ikot ng mundo ko, kasabay ng paglubog ng araw. parang may sakit na di ko matukoy kung saan. walang diwang dumadaloy sa isip ko ng oras na yon. para akong naliligaw sa dami ng mukhang dumadaan sa aking harapan.di ko malamang ang gagawin.gulong-gulo ang utak ko. 50?300?247 kaya?ilan?malapit ng dumugo ang ilong ko kakaisip kung ano ba talaga.

"oy papaload ka ba?" sabi ng tindera

"ay sorry po 25 po, globe"
:)

Posted by maharot 20:10 Comments (0)

ikaw na naman?!?

People tend to meet their destiny on the path they chose to avoid it....

destiny.jpg

Posted by maharot 16:14 Comments (0)

Cognitive restructuring

Fridays with Pardner

busy friday. la lang gusto ko lang sabihing busy hehehe. after work, im mulling over cooking or getting a wax (ganun ako ka bored). out of the blue, pardner sent a text message (yes she's back) and would like to have lunch if im free.as usual, we went to our usual rendezvous.it's as if we read each other's mind: TGIF. we normally do this back in the early millenium. we'd meet mid-week or weekends, more often both, just to ponder what lies ahead. we would envision ourselves in 3-5 years time (which barely changed except for her substantial salary).

m:ay may kasalanan ka pala sa kin.
p: ay hahaha di ko naman sinasadya. natanong ko lang.e sumagot naman kaya diniretso ko tanong ko.mamaya ill tell you.
------TGIF----
m:tangena si manong napakabobo!di pala alam ang glorietta nagmarunong
p: e ang galing mo kasi magbigay ng instruction!
m: isa pa yan!hahaha naalala mo nung 2 hrs ata tayo nagikot sa timog?kasama pa natin si romie nun ha.
p: hahaha
m: o ngayon, magkwento ka na!
p: hahaha wala yun. nagtext lang ata ako about sa treat niya satin.tapos tinanong ko. biro lang naman e sumagot naman at nagseryoso. aba e naisip ko na tanungin
m: at ano napagusapan nyo?
p: yun nga sabi ko bat di na lang kayo ni pardner ang magdate?ayun nga sabi niya. mahirap daw pag kakilala kasi ijjudge sha na babaero saka ang dami ng alam sa kanya. tapos sabi ko yun nga maganda e at least kilala ka na. di na kailangan magpanggap.sabi niya, willing naman ako e. kaso mabuti na yung walang judgement.
m: in ferness, ganyan ang kwento niya sa kin. e baka naman di ako ang tinutukoy niya
p: di naman kami tanga. alam namin ang pinaguusapan namin. wag mo kasi sha barahin e.
m: di ko sha binabara ha. di ko lang mapigil ang tawa ko pag sinasabi kong i believe him. i wont lie to you na naniniwala naman ako pag sinasabi niyang nagbago na sha e.di naman naging issues sa amin ang lies.
p: ayan dahil walang nangyayari sa buhay ko, makikialam ako sa buhay nyo. hmmm tatanungin ko talaga sha.pero pag nagsabi sha wag mo sha tatawanan ha.syempre mapapahiya na sha nun
m: di naman natin sha pinagtitripan nito?
p: basta ako bahala basta wag mo sha tatawanan
m: o sige di na ko magsasalita. nga pala in two years na tayo ulit magkita ha hahahaha
p: hahaha basta.gagawa ko ng way. syempre kinoconsider ko din naman ang feelings niya.
m: at ang feelings ko hindi?!?!pambihira!
p: syempre naman. e kaso pareho naman kayong willing itry e. so why not. kasi tingin ko naghihintayan lang kayo kung sino mauuna.
m: well, magandang point yan. siguro nga. pero before never ko talaga naconsider. sure gagamitin ko sha na pampaselos, with his consent naman e. pero beyond that wala na. i get the same feeling that i got last weekend pero di ako nalilito. siguro kasi nga may iba akong mahal nun.
p: e wala naman kayo ngayong career pareho di ba?
m: ah wala na last january pa yung last kong pseudo-romance hahaha
p: sino?
m: si mowdel. yung pinsan nung housemate ko.nakakatuwa yung batang yun. walang kasense2 ampotah.pero hayop ang katawan!
p: hahahahaha natawa naman ako dun.
m: totoo maganda ang katawan niya!
p: hindi yun!"nakakatuwa yung batang yun. walang kasense2" natawa ako dun.
m: ay nako mahabang istorya. si dax nga ngayon lang naconvince na di ko talaga gusto (inlove) yun. sabi ko natatakot ako anakan e. baka malakas ang 20% niya, kawawa naman ang magiging anak ko hahahaha
p: may ganyang episodes din ako. yung isa 25 yo.
m: ayan naman, yang ganyang mga edad e!
p: feeling ko nga cougar nako e. lalo na yung sa surfing! student pa!!!! la akong panahon sa immature!
m:true! puro bola!yaan mo papadate kita kay dark
p: talaga? hanapan moko date?yey!!!
m:tingnan natin kung idate ka niya hahaha
p: ganun?
m: basta hanapan kita!
------------
thru text
m: im home. may nahanap nako.hinahanap lang nung housemate ko ang number
p: ambilis ah
m: syempre! ako lang naman mahina sa yo e
p: hmmm and what's that supposed to mean?
m: na malakas ka sa kin! wag mo lang ako ipadate sa bolero mong officemates ha
p: ah hinde, nirereserve ko un sa kin e wahahaha
m: o sha borlogs nako
p: binakla mo na naman ako d ko maintindihan yun
m: tutulog na ko mwaaah

Posted by maharot 19:34 Archived in Jamaica Comments (0)

cognitive distortion

words of wisdom from anakin

"may tama ako"

yan ang laging hirit sakin ni anakin the first time she read my blog. that's her mantra, hoping ill wake up one day and realize i've found my prince after all. though it never annoyed me, her constant reminder reinforced my belief that there is no future for us (the so called prince and me). and with my personality, it's highly unlikely that she can coerce me into believing otherwise.

the other day, i paid her a visit. her left foot is in a cast as a result of "poor eyesight" hehehe. we started talking about "voldemort" (yan ang generic name sa ayaw mong banggitin ang name, for reasons beyond comprehension hahaha)

m: naiinis ako.
a: bat ka naiinis (grinning)
m: naiinis ako na masaya ako. sabi ko nga kay unagi, hindi ako sad, im happy kaso ayoko ng source ng happiness ko :(
a: bat kasi ayaw mo na lang tanggapin.
m: na ano? na may tama ka?
a: hehehe
m: feeling ko pareho kami ng nafifeel e.yung nagaaalangan.kasi ako di ako magfafall sa taong mukhang kapatid lang ang tingin sa kin and vice versa.alam mo yun...
a: bat mo kasi iniisip na kapatid lang tingin niya? after ka niya harassin?
m: tutal.la naman nangyari e. i mean ganun lang kami magkulitan.kasi after naman nun, di naman sha nagpaparamdam.kaya di ko maisip na magugustuhan niya ko.
a: wag mo kasi labanan.
m: naiisip ko pa na di ako pasok sa standards niya: achiever, flawless, maganda kamay, ngipin, paa etc...ganun mga ex nun e
a: e kaya nga ex di ba?meaning di sila nagwork out!
m: hmmmm may point ka jan ha!
a: o diba?
m: hayyyyyyy

  • **at dahil dun, di man lang namin namalayan ang lindol!

Posted by maharot 15:36 Archived in Jamaica Comments (0)

wooooosaaahhh

repeat after me.....

i love bread... i hate rice...
i love bread... i hate rice...
i love bread... i hate rice...
i love bread... i hate rice...
i love bread... i hate rice...
i love bread... i hate rice...
i love bread... i hate rice...
i love bread... i hate rice...
i love bread... i hate rice...
i love bread... i hate rice...
i love bread... i hate rice...
i love bread... i hate rice...
i love bread... i hate rice...
i love bread... i hate rice...
i love bread... i hate rice...
i love bread... i hate rice...
i love bread... i hate rice...
i love bread... i hate rice...
i love bread... i hate rice...
i love bread... i hate rice...

PAPAYAT DIN AKO!!!

Posted by maharot 14:43 Comments (0)

thought suppression

“Men are more moral than they think and far more immoral than they can imagine.”

I 'm crazy. that's an understatement. I woke up one day with this thought in my head. And then later that day I thought of him, and then I got crazier. Which is strange, considering he’s not the type i'd go for. correction, he's my type but never got to that point that i'd fall for his charms. I don’t know. it happens every now and then. me seeing him in a different light. maybe something in my brain got rigged and got programmed to think he’s hot every time I see him. but it's not the hotness im worried about. it's the feeling he makes me feel every time i'm with him.

i wanted to call pardner (art) just to clear my mind.but she's still bangladesh and wont be home for a few more weeks. however, something tells me that she’s never going to let me live it down, even years from now.

Here’s the thing: I’ve never been this instantly attracted to anyone before. even him. I mean, sure I knew he existed, and these feelings that resurfaces when we have our "dates".

What does it mean when I say, “I think he’s hot”? Does it mean I’m horny? Does it mean I want to lure him into the bathroom and seduce him? I don’t know. I just feel like running my hands through his hair and putting my hands on his hips.

Here’s a possible explanation for this aberration: i had my period after he brought me home. ergo, hormonal imbalance hehehe.

But it’s strange that when I think about him I don’t think he is relationship material at all. i cant say that this is pure, undisputed lust coz i dont want to have sex with him.i guess i just like the feeling he invokes. it's like wanting a gift but not the wrapper? naaaah lame comparison. Gawd, im starting to feel like a Freud trying to psycho-analyze himself.

i try not to think about it.i never got to the point when i could imagine he would fall for me. talk about insecurities. i could never measure up to his standards; flawless, perfect teeth, smart, liberated. sure the morena tsinita syndrome would kinda pull it off but the rest would be hard to accomplish hahaha

So. There it goes. This drama-rama will fade, sooner or later. And then he’ll be back to just being this friend I see from time to time. And this article will just be some kind of embarrassing reminder of how my hormones run wild during ovulation. i dunno if it's also the hormones that's responsible for how my mind works and perceives things.

Oh boy. A few months from now I’m going to reread this and be really, really embarrassed. Sheesh. Disclaimer: this too shall pass. I know.

Posted by maharot 16:14 Comments (0)

the john lloyd-bea moment

kung sinabi ko ba sa yong i love you sasabihin mo ding i love you too? - palits

my morning started great. had a dream about my baby. for those of you who are wondering if i have a baby, i dont. im just dying to have one. a few months back, a kid (not explicitly established as my own) keeps on "guesting" in my dreams. a toddler, aged 2-4 y.o. approximately, would either walk by, smile at me, poke me or make me run after him. i dont even know who those kids are (yes iba-iba sila).another thing, lagi shang boy. anyway, this kid is cute (the one i saw this morning) but very dark. his complexion resembles that of "dark vader", my roomate. when i woke up, i had the urge to hug dark because i miss the kid already. no, im not pining over him still (he was my ex-crush, dark that is). he was laughing as i was telling him about it.also, i dreamt of shit as in tae. e di ba pera daw yun? i dunno which got me more excited, the idea of the baby or the money hehehe.

anyway, going straight to the main topic, i went out this afternoon to watch a friend's basketball game. we were arguing about which route to take since he'll get late if he still picks me up from home. i conceded to just meet him somewhere so i wont carry the burden that i was the one who made him late. otherwise, ill never hear the end of it. the moment my fat butt touched the seat, he started tickling me and teasing me about my "abs", my messed up hair (na mukhang naninigas na pahabain mo na yan!) etc...

dax: hingal na hingal ah
me: ang init2 takte pinatawid mo pa ko!
d: ano to? (sabay pindot sa tyan ko)
m: muscles aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah potah bitawan mo abs ko ha
d: pahipo lang! (sa takot ko na baka ano madakma niya, tinakpan ko ng pouch ko yung crotch ko)
m: tseh (hingal)
d: ang payat ah.pinagmamalaki mo pa sakin na pumayat ka ha
m: hoy pumayat ako 2 pounds last month ha
d:nasan na?hahahaha
m: dapat sinundo mo na kasi ako e
d:excercise yan!
m:ulol!ang init kaya.nakabold na nga ako kanina e sa init nung kausap kita sa phone.grabe ang init!di na ako nahiya kina aira at dark. kebs!
d: daya! bat pag ako di ka naman naglalakad ng naka undies lang?
m:di din kasi nila ko pinipisil at inaalipusta ang mga "muscles" ko no.
d: ha? e ang SEXY mo nga e
m: letse!
--------
after the game....
d:so san moko idate?
m: ano ka kaw magpapakain sa kin no!
d: wag dito, in public e (as usual bastos pa din sha, which im very accustomed to by now)
m: kelan ka pa nahiya?
d: o game na
m: sira ka!
d: uwe mo to ha (goodie bag) may chocolates sana yan tinanggal ko na for "health" reasons hahaha mahirap na baka lalo ka lumaki
m: tse di ako mahilig sa chocolates. kala aaackh
d: o ano?
m: tangena nalunok ko kendi ko!
d: hahaha sanay na sanay ah
m: tigilan mo nga ako ha.
d: lumiit boobs mo
m: tungaw di talaga malaki
d: ah hinde, pumantay lang pala sa tyan hahaha (sabay dakma na naman sa tyan)
m: aaaaaaaaaaaaah
d: ang ingay mo
m: wag mo kasi akong hinahawakan hmp
d:ano gusto mo kainin? chicken?
m: i hate chicken
d:e ano?
m: junk foods! hehehe
d: di halatang mahilig ka dun
m: kainis ka!
d: sabi nga pala sa kin ni art, bat di mo na lang idate si bestfriend?
m: sino daw?
d: e di ikaw! sabi ko willing naman ako e. kaso pag kakilala na ko di maiiwasang ijudge ako kahit nagbago na ko.
m: i never judge you (seryosong mukha)
d: wag mong pigilin yang tawa mo ha!
m: wahahaha
d: see? yan sinasabi ko. kahit anong gawin ko, yun ang tingin mo sakin
m: i always believe whatever you say (totoo yun...with muffled laugh nga lang nung sinasabi ko)

this got my mind spinning. at dumating ang john lloyd bea moment for the first time. naisip ko," kung sasabihin ko bang i believe you, aaminin mo ng matagal mo na kong type?" not that im feeding my ego with rubbish but ive always felt he's holding something back. im not dense, nafifeel ko naman yung chemistry. i just dont like to dwell on that topic.

d: sige itawa mo na yan. so naisip ko minsan mas ok na yung di ako kilala.para no judgments.

i forgot what i said to stray from the topic.nagikot na kami sa mall at nagturo ng mga look alikes.

d: uy si aga o
m: si dino guevarra yan! (referring to a salesguy sitting in a stool)

while passing by F & H, he saw a black tulle mini skirt....tulle.jpg

d: uy ayos ah. gusto mo ba nun?
m: ng alin?
d: ayun o yung skirt.sa bday mo ibibili kita niyan suot mo ha? hahaha
m: asa ka pa! it's like having sex with brad pitt!
d: ang alin?
m: yang pasusuot ko niyan. coz it will never happen!!
d: hahahaha amazing ka talaga (habang sinasakal na niya leeg ko sa pagkakaakbay) punta tayo nike!
m: alam mo ba sabi nila pag ang guys daw madaming sapatos bakla!
d: baka naman leather
m: ilan sapatos mo? (giggling... he loves shoes, rubber shoes)
d; sige magtanon ka sa mga nba stars o kaya pba o kahit pbl lang
m: ayoko nga di ko sila kilala
d:di totoo yun!
m: hmmmm pano kung bka bading ka pala hahaha
d: e di bagay na tayo. mahilig ka sa bading di ba?hahaha tapos sabi mo mahilig ako sa petite, ikaw na ikaw yun!
(we had a private joke na nalilinya ako sa mga bading, sabi ko naman mahilig sha sa petite having fallen for one who gave him a humongous heartache)
d:mabalik tayo, yun nga sabi ko kay art blah blah blah

my thoughts went to a different galaxy.i barely heard what he was saying (camera closing up to my face) bakit ba binabalik na naman niya yung topic e tinapos ko na nga kanina....as usual di ako nagcomment coz i dunno what to say.

while eating dinner...

m: so anong nangyari na kay sabrina?
d: wala na yun
m: e ano nga nangyari?
d: ang wild e!
m: so sha may ksalanan porket di naging kayo
d: oy oy di ko sha ineffort ha. di ko naman sha gusto e
m: e di ba may episode kayo nun?
d: oo pero kung sino2 sinasamahan e.di naman sha mahilig sa sex pero sama lang ng sama sa gimmick kaht kanino
m: ay ganun?
d: kaya hi hello lang kami pag nakikita ko.
m:e bata pa kasi
d: 29 na sha e! bata pa ba un? yung mga babae nga daw sa office ang tingin lang sakin pangkama.nabalitaan ko lang din. yung parang gusto lang akong makasex.
m: weno naman?ayaw mo nun hot ka sa knila!
d: e ikaw nga di mo ko nakita na ganun. siguro nasanay ka na lang sa kin

again, nalito ako. naisip ko, gusto mo ba ganun din ang tingin ko sayo?or do you want me to see u in a different light?
m: ang tanong may makikita pa ba ako sa yo na di ko pa nakikita?hahahaha
d: hahahaha MERON!
m: ano? e lahat ng anggulo nakita ko na hahaha o pwet ba gusto mo pakita ?kaso la ka naman gaanong pwet wahahaha
d: heh!
m: churi na
d: nagyoyosi ka pa ba?
m:oo naman no. nothing can come between me and my yosi plus my coke. yun lang naman ang bisyo ko e saka books.

while waiting for our order, i was looking outside. sa peripheral view ko i can see him looking at me.di tuloy ako makatingin kasi ayoko naman sha mapahiya, yun e kung mapapahiya sha. nangokray na lang kami ng nangokray ng kung sino-sino.

d: balikan na natin yung phone ng mama ko.
m: dito yun! (napalayo nako)
d: hinde no kung saan2 ka pumupunta e.dito ka nga.

when he rested his arm on my shoulder, i realized we dont have to do anything kinky just to have fun. no fancy stuff either.ok na kami sa kwentuhan, asaran, lambingan every now and then. we barely touched our phones to check for messages while malling.

d: sobrang busog ako tara magcoffee tayo.
m: i dont drink coffee.kaw na lang ayun sa dunkin.

while waiting for the coffee, i nearly wrapped my arms around his torso. i was standing right behind him and thought it was a normal thing to do. good thing my mind started working again so i stopped myself from doing so. not that he would mind but that would be awkward. the weird thing is, pinching butts and tickling each other in public seemed normal for us. yung walang awkward moment between us. para lang kaming nagpaluan ng braso. we dont really care who sees us. pero weird yung bigla ko na lang sha ihuhug without saying anything. im not a clingy person to start with, sha yung touch person. he "grabs" every chance he gets (pun intended) to pinch my "cheeks" or tickle me when i least expect it. without a warning, he turned around and tickled me.

d: ang lalim ng pusod mo ah. parang ganito kalalim (yung gauge mo pag naglalagay ka ng tubig sa bigas)
m:oa naman niyan!
d: o sige ganito (one inch) pahawak ako!
m: ayoko nga para kang sira!ikaw ba?(he let me touch his navel) ay bat mataas ang pusod mo?
d: e ganun e (sabay kiliti)

the expression on his face was something i never expected. well unlikely naman na may iexpect ako diba pero parang gulat na di maintindihan yung itsura nya. parang natigilan na ewan. naisip ko tuloy na baka mahilig sha sa malalim na pusod hahaha. o di ba kung di ba naman kami weird e magkapaan talaga ng pusod sa gitna ng maraming tao!

d: san na tayo punta?may bilhin ka ba?
m:BOOKSALE!!!!!
d: ano bilhin mo?
m: e di books!
d:oo nga naman hahaha

habang nagtitingin ako lumapit sha.
d: anong maganda basahin?
m:wag ka nga magpanggap, di ka naman mahilig magbasa e
d: encourage mo naman ako magbasa
m: sinabi mo na yan dati nung tinanong kita e, ayoko naman magpilit. maya pagdating bahay dami ako books
d: basta yung di mahirap intindihin ha
m: di naman ako mahilig sa mahirap intindihin e. ayan da vinci code.aliw yan.
d: gusto ko nga basahin yan e. ay ang mahal ah 170!maghanap na lang ako ng excel for dummies. eto bagay sa yo --> diet book!
m:i dont need it !echusmee!
d: nga pala petite ka naman e (sabay kurot)
m: tsk! tumigil ka ha
d: magkano nga masahe sa inyo?
m: 250 lang
d: o ikaw na lang bayaran ko tapos masahihin mo ko
m: sige! tapos apakan kita! :)
d: ay di ko ata yun kaya.
m: huh? bakit? ay gago ka di ko agad na gets. magaan lang ako no!
d: tara na nga!hahaha

i went ahead of him and was crossing the road when he shouted

d: ang lapad o!
m: talaga! (i shook my butt while walking sa gitna talaga ng daan)
d: hahaha chabs! (chubby2)
m: ewan!

on our way home we talked about a friend he has sa fb na ang tigas ng mukha magbkini e ubod naman ng lapad.he texted me when he saw who it is.

d: hahaha talagang pinadala mo. chabi chabi.
m: malapad kamo hahaha
d: kaw sabi ko. hahahaha joke labyu hehehe
m:i hetchu!

hay nalilito nako. ill just go to sleep and dream of kids. for sure when i wake wala na naman akong paki hahahaha

Posted by maharot 12:16 Archived in Jamaica Comments (0)

conversations...

not necessarily mine hehehe

this is picked up by a receiver bugging a room located somewhere in the heart of ________.

homme: so talagang ganito na lang tayo
femme: huh? (smiles)
h: dont you want to take this to the next level...
f: bkit? gusto mo ba?
h: ano bang gusto mo?
f: ikaw...
h: so gusto mo ko?yun naman pala e.
f: hahaha fishing?
h: di naman. di ko lang alam kung saan ako lulugar.
f: nabibigatan ka na ba sakin? (kisses him)
h: you're missing the point.. (stroking her face)
f: i know what you're saying hehehe im just not...
h: what? youre not ready? you dont like love me? ano?
f: i would really love to but is that what you want?
h: im looking at what i want (chuckling), im concerned about you.
f: im not sure loving you would work out the way i intend to.
h: O ye, of little faith....
f: how can you be so positive...after going through a lot
h: how can you not be??
f: id be thrilled if i am POSITIVE... will you?
h: hahaha pano nga kung ganun?
f: ill raise my kid...
h: ha? e baby ko din yun ah
f: may baby ka na!
h: wala pa no!
f: ako? di ba baby mo ko?
h: wrong! you're my princess...and im THE prince youve been waiting for hehehe
f: aaaw..but you're no prince. you're my knight (looking down south) sans the armor hahahaha
h: but with a very powertful weapon (wink)

------------------------------------checkmate-------------------------

Posted by maharot 15:22 Comments (0)

joyeux anniversaire!

haberday dax!!!mwaaah dax.jpg

Posted by maharot 12:42 Comments (0)

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