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hmmm...to wed or to bed??

Happy 27th birthday to my intended, marat safin...funny name huh? Laugh all you want but this dude's more than just a pretty face. He held the No. 1 ATP ranking for 9 weeks during 2000. In that year, he won his first Grand Slam tournament at the US Open , by defeating (then-) 4-time US Open winner and (eventual) 14-time Grand Slam tournament winner Pete Sampras in straight sets. Tennis experts immediately hailed him as the new star who would dominate tennis in future years. at the same time he dominated my thoughts (aaaw).he also beat Roger Federer in 2005 en route to the finals. The future Mr. Panganiban who stands 6ft 4 inches and weighs 195 lbs has been known to have bad temper during tournaments (which doesn't bother me a bit). He's oh so gorgeous, I wont mind even if he goes berserk during the wedding....(can't blame him, he's marrying a Goddess)....now that I've mentioned the wedding, let me give you a peek at our plans. It would be in June (just wanted to experience the June Bride brouhaha), year witheld to avoid the paparazzi. it would definitely be in Spain (dont ask why). by the way, he's fluent in Russian, Spanish and English, so there wont be any language barriers between us (Haah!) and since i'm the silent(????) type, we wont be talking much.we can express ourselves thru gestures (with him hitting me with his racquet probably hehehe and me putting ecstacy in his food and drinks).where was i? ah the wedding location. so it would be in spain, valencia most likely. i'd be wearing a gown by pepsi herrera ehhrm...i mean Vera Wang. his (tuxedo) made by Giorgo (yeah, first name basis). he insisted on wearing jeans (he's very comfortable with it) but i wont hear of it.it has to be formal, i said. among the principal sponsors will be david lynch, martin scorcese,oprah winfrey and of course,GMA and Kuya Germs (hehehe). the food will be a mixture of italian (his favorite) and asian fusion (with Binagoongang Baboy and Sinigang as the main course). Since we're both coke addicts, we opted to have that as the ONLY drink (you may choose diet coke for those "calorie" conscious guests). sugar overload harharhar!the bridal entourage is still indefinite as of press time. we'd be having our honeymoon in the Caribbean since he could pay for that. kring kring...ooops end of daydream darn!!! thank you for calling. you've reached the winter of my discontent.....

have you ever wanted something or someone so badly, you cant take your mind off it/him/her? silly question, i know. everyone, at one point or another has gone thru this phase.can't sleep, cant concentrate, cant even think right. one time, i was on my way to the beach with some friends and i remembered about a car we (my friend and i) once talked about. it was his ex's dreamcar.and i couldn't remember it. i kept still for a few minutes, trying to remember it. not that it was important. i was just bothered that i've forgotten it.so i kept on nudging step to give me a list of cars that were out in the market in the early 90s. i was insisting it was a toyota model.after half an hour of guessing, i figured it wasn't a toyota but a mitsubishi. so step, being very patient thought of mitsubishu models (we even got to the L-type lancer hehehe). i was so sure the model name starts with an A or an E. to make the long story short, it was a nissan model, a Cefiro (A or E pala ha), that kept us busy for a good 60 minutes. heniways, what im trying to point at is the frustration you get when you're in that situation, and that was an easy example. now imagine pining for someone you can never have. like your mother, father or any immediate family member. i know it's a bad analogy, but no, i'm not into incestuous relationships, i just have sick way of comparing things. goin back, i'm having episodes again, not very depressing though but disturbing. normally, it would take a while before i get attracted to someone. but then i started to notice i'm becoming very fond of this person, let's call him "kodiak", he looks like one hahaha.nonetheless, i find him "diverting". yeah he takes my mind off things coz he occupies my thoughts (patay tayo jan!) all the time. ok, that was an exaggeration. but whenever i run out of ideas to think about, he always pops in my mind. or maybe i wanna think about him. that warms my heart, despite the fact that he may never be mine.not now, not ever. i believe in miracles but i dont think i want to have him. maybe im just absorbed by the idea of having someone like him (or someone who possesses traits that i like about him). it may even be a result of prolonged "non-existent lovelife". and maybe, no make that definitely, a part of me yearns to be in love again, with someone who loves me in return. i'm tired of treading a one-way street which could probably be a dead -end. i want to take new challenges but then again, a part of me is afraid to venture into a web of uncertainties. as i always say, pain is inevitable, but subjecting yourself to clear and present danger is another story...

let's assume God has given you a chance to create an alpha male i.e. the ultimate object of your hormonal desires. what would you do? don't faint on me now, this is just a hypothetical question. but an enticing one, dont you think? just look at the possibilities of combining superior traits in just one person. its like superman without kryptonite. awesome! now enough of that. since this is my blog, i have a right to be selfish so indulge me in my reverie. below is a list of traits/qualities i look for in a man (ideally). to add a twist, i'll pick up fictional characters so i can spice up your imagination. fasten your seat belt....
Intelligence
Dr. Spencer Reid - he may be geeky(he really is....) but it amazes me on how he can read so fast (yeah i know he's a fictional character, fantasy nga e...magbasa ka ba ng 20,000 words per minute tingin mo normal yun ). physically, he looks interesting; waif-like but interesting, thanks to matthew gray gubler, who plays the intellectually stimulating doctor (3 Ph.D. by the age of 23) in the CBS crime drama Criminal Minds. he has an edeitic memory or in lay man's terms a photographic memory. he can tell you the page on the book where he read a quote or a line.amazing right? and in the show no one questions him. i won't (i'd be drooling by then). but since dr. reid lacks social skills, we'll focus our attention to Mr. Personality.
Personality
a very wide range if you ask me. my boytoy has to be funny, humble, athletic, sweet, romantic, sensible, honest and faithful. did i miss anything? naah ill get back to that another time. let's start with sense of humor.i was never fond of older men but i find walter mattahu very funny.he brings mr. wilson to life in the dennis the menace movie but i like him more in odd couple II with jack lemmon. very witty, obnoxious yeah, but witty nonetheless. then blend it with Gyeon-woo's (my sassy girl) patience, james bond's charms; roger federer's focus; noah calhoun's (the notebook) loyalty, a romantic like harry burns (when harry met sally....." I love that you get cold when it is 71 degrees out. I love that it takes you an hour and a half to order a sandwich. I love that you get a little crinkle in your nose when you're looking at me like I'm nuts. I love that after I spend day with you, I can still smell your perfume on my clothes. And I love that you are the last person I want to talk to before I go to sleep at night. And it's not because I'm lonely, and it's not because it's New Year's Eve. I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible. ") naks! panalo!
of course, the list wont be complete without the LOOKS...
it can vary from officer tom hanson of 21 jump street, eddie alden of someone like you, aaron samuels of mean girls (too bad he's gay), tony kukoc of the chicago bulls, agent michael vaughnn of alias, mike delfino of desperate housewives and the list goes on....

usong-uso ngayon ang walang kamatayang pagpopost ng tinatawag na "Notes" sa facebook. infurness, nakakatuwa naman.yun e kung may time kang magsasagot. parang "post bulletin" lang din to sa friendster.yun nga lang dito pwede mong itag ang friends mo i.e. invite them to participate. it doesnt follow na pag di ka ni-tag e di ka na pwede umepal, pwede pa din naman.it's a free country naman di ba?then ikaw naman magtag ng friends mo if you have any hehehe. kung itatag ako ng mga friends ko under "your memory of me" eto ang masasabi ko:

bab- ang mala-koreanovela niyang pagbubuhat sakin pag tamad na ko maglakad. ang panonood namin ng floor show para makapag-interview ng pokpok. ang mga imbento naming reports at lab experiments. ang family days sa seminaryo ni noti. ang pagsasama niya sa kin sa date nila ang gf niya!;glico's--nagcucutting kami para lang maglaro sa alabang town center;ang pamorningan na inuman sa lahat ng party nila sa bahay, na minsan may sinuntok pako dala ng kalasingan;lunch sa linda's at mother's; tita sylvs na kinahuhumalingan nila ni jeff.

romie-ang 2 hr trip sa may timog kakahanap ng comedy bar.and op kors and di ko malilimutang pagganap niya kay spiderwoman wahahaha.nagswimming kami isang summer tapos pagahon niya sa pool, maluwag pala ang swimsuit kaya kalahat ng .... niya, nakabalandra na..take note: patalikod sha umahon (samin sha nakaharap!!!); overnights sa pagsanjan; sleep-over sa kanila pag weekends; lunch sa linda's at mother's

paula- tambay sa tritran terminal; lists of what ifs;sweet nothings; stargazing; matchmaking while drinking; pambubugaw!!!! green cross na ginawang panghugas nung walang tubig;

jin- ang mga mala-gubat (leopard printed) niya undies na nakasampay sa tabi ng kama namin. ang malalapad niyang belt na di naman uso nung 90s pero pilit niyang sinusuot kasi ...ewan ko ba! ang senti moments namin tungkol sa pagpapalaki ng magulang (niya),dun pati ako pupunta pag naiinis ako sa bahay namin.swimmings sa botanical kasama si kleng at arnold.lunch sa linda's at mother's

dax- ang K-swiss na nagpasakit ng tyan namin isang araw sa mall.ang pagpapalpitate niya na ayaw niyang aminin na symptoms of being in love wahahaha. ang attempt niyang mag-edit ng pics namin online kaso di niya alam ipost! ang forced massage service (kahit di naman sha magaling). ang walng patumangga niyang pagbbrief sa harap ko!

bunny- ang walang kahihiyang pagwawala sa walkway dahil nafrustrate sha sa ex niya kaya pinagmumura niya yun sa phone while half of greenbelt is listening. ang paghohope na someday lalaki din ang boobs niya compared sa tyan niya. liquor binge...

alyanna-ang mga world tours natin na bigla na lang natigil ng magbago ang shift hmmmph!ang lagi niyang pakikialam sa buhok at damit kong isusuot.

athena- ang drama niya sa mga unsuspecting boys (na bakla pala sha) na walang kamuwang-muwang (daw) na pinagnanasaan niya sila. ang pagddrama niya about "preppy" hahaha

jude- love(???) at first sight. neat sha at may braces, sabay nagtaray...ay di pala talo.ang trips kay st jude kung saan bubuksan niya ang gallery sa phone sa pic ng bet niyang guy sabay itataas na pag magbebendisyon ang pari. maloka ka dun!

honey-ang pictorials aka sunshine vs julianna. ang mga emote na paglalayas only to be back after 3 mos na parang wala lang nangyari hehehe.ang pag-aampon pag petsa de peligro na.ongpin/quiapo/baclaran trips

luna-ang pagbblush-on ng parang walang bukas, parang pagkain niya lang, parang magkaka rice shortage na kinabukasan hehehe. at syempre ang dare na nauwe sa pregnancy!

ruthie-ang bouts of depression every now and then na sasabayan ng pag-inom ng alak na muuwe sa pag-iyak

ana- ang unexplained depression (di niya inexplain e). ang "adventure" ko para matunton ang bahay niyang sa dulo ata ng pasig!!!!

sauniere- ang white bacon shirts, corny jokes that never fail to make me laugh, witty conversation, the grin that says it all hahaha

sheila-paliligo sa poso; samalamig; yosi breaks sa room ko;nissin's ramen; jollibee; holiday theater; isawan (kahit di ako kumakain); aerobics with stockings pa un ha hahaha sinong magaakalang lalaki shang tomboy

hay ang dami na.tatamad nako

you stopped beating at one point in time
i don't know when, why or how
you just di(e)d
gradually, without any warning
or i may just have missed it

sabi nila lahat ng tao parang posporo, may spark.
sabi ko naman, di yun totoo.
minsan, kailangan talagang kiskisin bago pa ito mag-apoy!
-maharot

having nothing to do on my lunch break ( i already ate my intended lunch an hour earlier), i went down the lobby for a few puffs deciding on what to snack on when i get back to my station. from afar, i noticed the ever loyal taho vendor not far from his usual post. i readied my money to get some. while walking towards "da king", i pondered on why most pinoys never got over this breakfast "snack". guess what? i don't have a clue. while finishing my stick, i decided to play "correspondent" with manong.

maharot: ano oras nyo po yan pinipick-up?
da king (henceforth he will be known as FPJ): ah jan lang sa mandaluyong..
m: (???WTF? umagang umaga ah) ah ok. ano oras po?
fpj:malapit lang kasi un samin e.jan lang sa kabila sa may boni din lang
m:anong oras po kayo umaalis ng bahay nun?
fpj: minsan alas dos, minsan alas tres
m: (Halleluiah!!) ang aga po pala. ilang oras po bago maubos yan
fpj: depende kung ano oras ako makaalis....(now we're getting somewhere hehehe).minsan alas tres pag umalis ako ng alas dos. malapit lang kasi.darating ako dun ng alas kwatro pag umalis ako ng als tres.
m: (waaaaah!!!!) anong oras po nauubos lahat? (pointing at the container)
fpj: minsan alas otso o kaya alas nuebe ubos na minsan naman hinde. ginagawa ko na lang tokwa
m: ah binebenta nyo ulit?
fpj:nilalagay ko sa kaldero tapos pinapakuluan tapos may hulmahan akong kahoy, doon ko nilalagay.
m: (tapos tititigan nyo na lang pala?) ah ganun po ba?
fpj: un na ang inuulam namin minsan.
m:ah sa inyo na yang container?
fpj: puno yan. soya yan e.
m: (bonamine please now na!) tapos, wala na po kayong trabahong iba?
fpj:wala na. minsan pag may order pumupunta ako dun. may puti at itim yan e.mas special ang puti.
m: (huh? may itim bang taho???) o sige po manong, akyat na po ako. salamat.
fpj: oo jan sa mandaluyong lang din...

• ***on my way back, im contemplating on eating my taho. it may be rich in amphetamines....

you make me
feel uneasy in
the most delirious
yet
comforting way
possible.
it's strange how
you can make
awkward moments
so heart-warming.
when you make
me feel like
laughing when
im nearly
in tears. crazy, i know.
you tend to
put me on the
brink of bliss
and insanity.
i'd like to desist
but
i never had the
courage
to stay away
from you.
you may never
know how
much, or how
little i care
about what
other people
think of me.
the sad thing is
i, of all people,
cant even give you a
hint of how
all this comes into play

yours is the face i want
to gaze at when i wake up
in the morning
yours is the warmth
i need to feel in
the dead of the night
yours is the only embrace
i need to calm my soul
yours is the smile that tells
me everything will be alright....

one day, when the time has come
we'll see each other again
in a church, or maybe in a farm
amidst the crowd in the park
in faceless strangers
i may meet in the dark
i just know, that one day
under the starless night
or in a cold gloomy day
i'll see you along the way
you'll welcome me in open arms
and i'll feel that old loving warmth
one day, you'll find me again
it may not be now, who knows when
but i know, i just know
i may wait a little though
for that glorious morn or moonless night
when the time comes, i'll be alright....

my friend Saunière ( he loves double entendres) texted me earlier. wala lang nangungulit as usual, and was asking a favor if i could accompany him to manila. since i havent seen him for some time, i conceded (i first refused to join him in his adventure).
sauniere: oist san kita daanan?
maharot: (gave him the instruction).maliligo lang ako
s: wag na...daanan kita sa kanto
m: eeeeh mainet e.dito mo nako daanan sa house.
after a 5 minutes
s: naliligaw nako, san ba yan?
m: (gave him the instruction...again)
s: (after a few mins) naliligaw nako.
m: mali ang dinaanan mo, diretso ka pa
on the phone..
s: dito nako labas. labas ka na.
m: sandali naman di pako bihis!!
s: wag ka na magbihis nakita ko na yan!hehehe
m: tado!!!!hahaha

once i got in his x-trail...

maharot: wow sosyal mo na ah
sauniere: hinde no, luma na to e
m: weh???
s: oo nga (grinning)
m: san tayo sa manila?
s: sa bilihan ng software
m: ano bilhin mo?
s:adobe
m: para saan?
s: sa computer ko
m: alam ko pero ano gagawin mo dun. teka san sa manila nga?
s: sa may rotonda
m: naknam!!!e qc na un e
s: hinde ah, manila pa un
m: oo nga pero dulo na ng manila

• **Trivia: he always gets away with that innocent looks---he tries to pretend to be either dumb or clueless. it gets me most of the time, like 3 out of 5.

m: ay nako, bilisan natin ha
s: oo naman.sino na bf mo?
m:wala no.
s:ows? di ba meron?
m:bat naman ako magsisinungaling, wala no
s:kelan pa?
m: like 6 yrs ago duh
s: ibig mong sabihin wala na?
m: niloloko mo ba ko?wala na nga.
s: ilang taon ka ah.
m: and so? alangan naman basta na lang ako magdyowa no.
s: tutal may point ka jan. mahirap na talaga ngayon.
m: di naman din ako mahilig sa fling.
s: oo nga pala no. yun pa din ba ang last mong "encounter"?
m: ang ano?ah ung sa condo? iba na!improving nako e pero di ko din maisip kung ano pumasok sa isip ko dun sa last.di naman ako lasing.
s: hahaha dati lagi kang lasing. nabasa mo ba blog ko? puro facebook ka na ata ah.
m: pagod kasi e.mabagal pati pc di ba
s:ganun ba?kamusta na pala landlady mo dati?
m: hahaha yung kala ko mahuhuli tayo sa sala?wala na matagal ko na di nadadalaw hehehe.
s: loko ka nun e.di ako makapasok kinabukasan, may hickey ako!
m: hindi nga?painumin mo ba naman ako ng emperador e. wild ang gusto mo di ba, ayun, bangenge ako. nagasgas pako sa may plywood na nakausli. kinabukasan di ko alam kung sumabit ako sa sampayan.
s: hahaha sakin ka nakasampay!sa may hips ko habang nakasandal ka sa wall.
m: tado hahaha
after trying to install the software and failing many times....
m: antok na ko ha, give up mo na yan, hopeless e.baka may balat ka!
s: saan?
m: sa singit!hahaha
s: uy alam mong wala!
m: di ko nakita no!
s: gusto mo ba makita??(looking innocently)
m: sira! hahaha
s: bibilhin ko na lang, sa bahay ko na install no?tingin mo? tara kain na lang tayo.may alam akong masarap kainan.
m:saan?
s: sa may sta mesa. (grinning mischievously)
m: nakow tigilan moko ha
s: maganda dun kasi malamig tapos makakakain tayo maayos makakatulog ka pa!ako magiinstall lang. promise!
m: tigil!!! yan din sabi mo dati.
s: kelan?hahaha ok ayaw mo e
after ilang topics...
s: ayaw mo ba talaga kasi sayang malapit na tayo. last chance mo na to
m: heh manahimik ka.magkakablueballs ka lang
s: ay ayoko naman un.ayaw mo ba talaga?ayun na o dun liliko.
m: diretso mo lang.
s: so diretso ko na dun?
m: sira!! di ka liliko!
s:bakit naman ayaw mo?
m: dun ka na lang samin maginstall
s: e natatae ako e...sige na
m: nako wag mo na kong binobola!alam ko na yang ganyan.yung friend ko ganyan din ang sinasabi sa girls
s: oo nga pero ito totoo!
m: letse!nasan na tayo??
s: papunta sta mesa.
m: sira saan na nga?
s: sta mesa nga dun daan natin para iwas traffic.
nauwe, kinain namin ang yellow cab sa sasakyan habnag nagdadrive sha.nadaanan namin ang isang mahabang street ng mga "establishments" na gusto niyang puntahan.
s: ayan last chance mo na to ha mahirap bumalik pag nagbago isip mo
m: wag ka na (sa loob2 ko "GOD PLEASE LAYO MOKO SA TEMPTATION!!!")
s: baka mamaya maisip mo, sayang malayo na tayo
m: hindi ko maiisip un.ilang beses ka ba pinanganak?
s: madami ata hahaha
m: hahaha dapat magpreschool teacher ka
s: bakit naman
m: ginagawa mo kong bata e. inuuto mo pa ko.alam ko na yan!grabe dinaanan mo! anong klaseng traffic yan waaaah antok nako.
s: sabi ko na sayo e. pag nagrest ka, makakaiwas tayo sa traffic!eto na tayo o. may wifi daw dito, ayos!
m: sssssh!!!
incoming text...
Bong: sleep muna ko sa bed mo ha, wake me up na lang pag sleep ka na.

oh no!napaisip ako.lord, is this a sign???since i was so sleepy i conceded (again!)

kaloka may sauna room pa at ung chair na di mo malaman kung gym apparatus!and as usual ang daming mirrors hehehe

natulog nako. after an hour, may nakadantay na sakin.
m: sabi ko na e. dun ka na nga
s: ano?magrerest din ako e.
i gave him a pillow at dumapa ako.di ko malaman ang ginagawa niya sa leg ko.
m:ano bang ginagawa mo sa leg ko?
s: dinadantayan ko.di ako makatulog e.
maya may may gumagapang na sa likod ko
m: hoy! sabi ng...dun ka nga
s: bakit ba?wala akong dantay e.
m: tigeeeel binigay ko ung isang pillow ah!
s: hahaha ay eto pala.e sayo ako dadantay.
m: pag yumaman ako paalala mo, bibilhan kita ng malaking unan!
s: hahaha wag na kaw na lang. hug lang naman e
m: hug e yang bibig mo gumagapang sa likod ko

after a few minutes, humihinga sha sa leeg ko. umurong ako. sa batok naman. umurong ulit ako.naikot ko na buong bed kakaurong.
m: ano ba, lilibutin na naman ba natin ang buong kama, kakaiwas ko sayo
s: hahaha eeeeeh gusto ko cuddle.alam mo naman mahilig ako maghug(pasweet pa ampotah! in fernez, cute naman sha magpanggap na clueless at innocent)
m: hahaha dyowa? cuddle ka jan.
now he's making small circles on my arm avoiding the side of my boobs. malambot kamay niya.walang kalyo si gago!
m: wag nga nakikiliti ako e grrr
s: ay sori (sabay lagay ng mukha niya sa leeg ko)
m: aaaaaaaaah naiipit ugat ko sa leeg, malakas kiliti ko nampoooooch.....!!!sayang binayad natin! (nagliwanag mukha niya sabay nakaw ng kiss sa cheeks)
s: bakit? (grinning)
m: mukhang sa sahig moko gusto patulugin e
s: e bat ka kasi lumalayo(kiss ulit sa kung saan dumapo: sa leeg sa batok, sa balikat haaay)
m: ay nako lilipat ako sa kabila!
paglipat ko humarap sha ulit sakin waaaaaaaaah....nagtakip nako ng mukha ko to avoid the kisses.
m: niloloko mo ko e.
s: tanggal mo na yang kamay mo, sige na (while embracing me tightly)
m: gusto mo na bang magkababy?gusto mo baby girl no?
s: hahaha bakit?
m: ginagawa mo kong baby e ang higpit ng yapos mo ha
s: hahaha tanggal mo na (may kasama ng heavy breathing ito)
m:wag ka na nga! (hopeless na makawala)
at naglapat na nga ang aming labi (yuck parang xerex lang hahaha). another thing about sauniere is i can sleep beside him, perhaps even buck naked (havent tried it though), as long as he won't kiss me. otherwise, patay tayo jan!he has the softest lips, i swear! oh well yun na nga, nagliparan na naman ang damit ko with consent except for my pants. i dunno i just wont allow him to go down south. he has offered that before. sayang may pasok ako hahahaha
s: ayaw mo?kiss ko lang. (we smooched)
m: ayaw ko.
s: natry mo na ba un?
m: oo naman
s: nagenjoy ka ba?
m: oo
s: bat ayaw mo?
m: baka sobra kong maenjoy nagyon di ako makapasok e hahaha
s: ganun ba?(sabay kalikot sa button ng pants)
m: ayaw (smooched, kala niya sha lang marunong magpasweet ha)
s: sige na hmmm

to be continued.... im still contemplating if i cant post what happened next...

i'm hooked with nip/tuck recently and while watching, we saw a patient, montana, who has MPD or multiple personality disorder. we (athena and i) were laughing while one character comforts the other one regarding her "big" boobies. they (the 2 personalities) agreed that everything will be alright after the doctors operated on it. we then thought of the possibilities of us suffering from MPD and thought of names that we could use for our alter egos. here's mine:

morgan: the phlegmatic/confident

kurt/evie: the naughty twins

willow: the conservative/insecured

now, for fun let's make them talk to each other. i never had imaginary friends during childhood so why not start now hehehe

morgan: i'm bored...
kurt: why don't you piss your roomies off!
evie: yeah that would be fun. don't wash the dishes and leave your garbage everywhere.
willow: stop it. i dont wanna get into a fight.
morgan: that would be stressful. i hate stress. that's why i don't get into relationships, they're much too messy especially if you're not compatible.
evie: that's because you're a prude
willow: of course not im just reserved
evie: im not talking to you, boring bitch, shut up
willow: okay if you say so
morgan: well im in no condition to fall in love.
evie: why so? feeling inadequate?
willow: are you talking to me now?
evie: i wont waste my time on you
morgan: so it's me then you are talking to. i just don't want to waste my time on someone if he doesnt love me. i wont be a convenient part-time partner.
kurt: all guys want that kinda girl at one point
morgan: good news moron, it won't be me.
evie: c'mon, try it. so i can also share the quality time hihihi
morgan: i dont want men abusing me in any way. my kindness for instance..
evie: what kindness??? sorry to disillusion you but you're no lamb, dear. more of a tigress raaar
kurt: oooh bite me baby
morgan: scram! i have other things to do than entertain your theories.
evie: no! i wanna play first...lets have a game.
willow: can i join?
kurt: sure you're IT hahaha
morgan: scrabble? poker?
willow: millionaire's?
kurt: fusion frenzy!!! mortal combat!
evie: no, that's too generic. let's play spin the bottle hihihi
morgan: hmmm brilliant
kurt: why not truth or dare..
morgan: i get to choose!
willow: no personal questions please...
evie: as if! kurt first. who among your guy friends freak you out the most.
kurt: duh! they wont be my friends if they freak me out.
evie: ok you win. morgan, why are things always complicated with you?
morgan: why not? it gives me something to ponder on when im in a pensive mood. at the same time, i enjoy analysis. why do you care?
evie: is that the question? that's too easy..
kurt:you cant get away that fast, here's one: what makes a guy so hot you would consider you know...doing it sans love?
evie: he has to make me tremble just by looking at me, i dunno how he could do that though hahaha. he has to be straight forward without being rude or arrogant. of course, he has to be somewhat attractive (animalistic) and witty.
morgan: duh every wants that in a man.
evie: why do you care??? now let's ask the wallflower...why are you such a prude
willow: im just scared of regrets.what if things dont work out right? what if im not enough for him? what if...
kurt and evie: enough of the drama, we're sleepy! you bore us to death hahahaha

Im 29 years, 10 months and 12 days old today. In this age of unplanned pregnancy, failed marriages, philandering husbands and unfaithful wives, yours truly has been oblivious to my so-called love life, until today. It’s not as if I have one though. The news came as a shock. I woke up at 3 am in the morning and saw my phone lighting up. That means I have a text. 2 text messages rather. One from a Xgirl (a very good friend) asking if I had read “BROWNIE’s” text. The one who would carry me on his back on the way home, who’d write me mushy letters about our ideal friendship, the only guy who would love me (come what may) more than his numerous girlfriends. Brownie, who would have been a candidate for my search (in the near future) for the ideal sperm (to meet up with my superior egg), is now a dad. Since I read the text in a rather sleep-conducive hour, I just shrugged it off but managed to congratulate him nonetheless. And to my surprise, he thanked me. Omigas!!!! This isn’t one of my wacky dreams where I would be a beggar begging for jaguar cars one minute and the next celebrating my wedding in a McDo joint. Those weird dreams often haunt me, you know. But this one with brownie is real. I woke up 6 hours after, feeling awful. Then it dawned on me, we can no longer have “our” first-born!! His was already born 24 hours ago. Not that I still pine for him after all these years, its just that he became a security blanket, that someday, when the world gets tired of chinovelas and showbiz talk shows, we will realize that no one would accept us except each other (mush mush mush). Or maybe a gauge. That I’m waiting for him to get laid first (its not his first time though). Oh well you know what I mean. What’s insulting is we had dinner last week and he didn’t even had the guts to tell us. We’re supposed to be best friends. And yet he’s hiding something.

But wait there’s more, a friend from my previous work also got married recently. Pregnant as well and what, she’s only 24. Okay 24 is a suitable age but hey isn’t it a lil too early to settle down after a few months engagement? And lastly, the guy I dated for many months is exchanging vows this weekend, and I’m attending. I’m happy for him though since I don’t see a future for us (give us 15 minutes and we’d be chewing each other’s heads off). Which leaves me to ponder which path am I going to? I’m trapped between being choosy and being picky. Hmmmm… is there a difference? I don’t think so. That’s because I can't see myself settling for someone I just met or any guy who comes along. He has to be special. There has to be a “chemistry” between us. Otherwise I won’t be comfortable thinking I settled for someone less than what I am looking for. Sure there are thousands of guys there but not one is my match. Or maybe I have to dig deeper to see if there’s a spark. But what if I don’t have a guy cut out for me? Whaaaaat? U tell me while I continue this journey to spinsterdom.

sabi nila di ka pwedeng mabuhay ng masaya kung ni minsan ay di ka nagmahal o nakaramdam ng pagmamahal mula sa ibang tao.siguro totoo nga kasi ako laging masaya.maniwala kat hinde, maraming nagmamahal sa akin. nandyan ang nanay ko, na sa kabila ng pagnana-NAG araw araw (sa text) e nakukuha akong hanapin pag nawala ako ng isang linggo. ang kapatid ko na ang tingin sa akin e naglalakad na bangko dahil daig pa niya ang pulis kung humingi ng lagay pero kasundo ko sa ibat ibang kalookohan. ang girlfriends ko na kahit panay ang pintas sa mga dinedate kong mukha daw swelas ng sapatos, ay pinapautang pa din ako pag wala akong pan-date. ang mga friendships ko na kahit panay ang dakdak sa kabagalan ko sa usaping pag-ibig ay matiyaga pa ding nakikinig at nagpapayo. at higit sa lahat sa iyo, na sa kabila ng kahinaan ko sa maraming bagay, ay wala pa ring sawang maghintay kung kailan darating ang tamang panahon sa atin.

gaya ng math. bata pa ako, halos ingudngod na ni mama ang mukha ko sa math books, pero hanggang ngayon, duguan pa din ang ilong ko pag nagccompute ng numbers. tuwang tuwa ka naman dahil kung ikaw ang gumawa nun, pati tenga mo dudugo.

isa pang kahangahang kong trait ay ang galing ko sa pagnanavigate. bigyan mo ako ng directions papunta sa liblib na lugar at makakaasa ka na maliligaw ako gaano man kadali tuntunin ang lugar.kagaya nung pumunta tayo sa golden acres.buti na lang ang babaan ay dun mismo sa dulo ng trip. kung sa baguio papunta ang bus na sinakyan malamang nasa pampanga na tayo bago tayo magising.

pag nag-overnight tayo somewhere, di kita papatulugin sa sobrang kulit ko.nandyang makipagpustahan ako sa iyo hanggang maubos na ang pera mo at tubuan ka ng eyebags sa puyat. di pa dun natatapos yun.pag tulog na ako, magg-grind pa ako ng ngipin habang natutulog.di pa ko masisiyahan, pag mainit ang panahon, asahan mo na dadapo sa panga mo ang siko ko o kaya matatamaan ko ang "family jewels" mo ng isa kong tuhod.di ka man lang magagalit, bagkus panonoorin mo pa kong matulog, wondering kung san ako pinaglihi.

pag umuulan,alam na alam mong ayoko mababasa ang paa ko, kaya kasehodang buhatin mo ako mula espana hanggang morayta, papayag ka, wag mo lang marinig ang pag wa-whine ko sa daan.kahit di halos nagkakalayo ang timbang natin.

the irony of it all is that you can't muster enough courage to tell me how you feel about me.di ko tuloy alam kung ano reason mo for doing all those things that you do.i can fill up the entire blogspace to write all the good things you've done for me but it won't change the fact that you, of all people, dont have the guts to open your heart and let me in on your little secret. nonetheless, this one's for you

Why shouldn't you stay with someone who cheats on you? If it happens once, it will happen again. Why? If you stay with man or woman who has cheated on you, you've essentially taught them that they can sleep with somebody else and you'll take them back. Wow, that's pretty great news for them!
The first time someone cheats on you, he has the most to lose because he doesn't know what your reaction will be. But, once he's weathered the initial storm, he knows precisely how you'll react. By the time he's cheated on you twice, three times, thirty-eight times, he knows exactly what to expect. Lots of crying and screaming, followed by a few weeks or months of good behavior on his part. And then, he's on to his next aerobics instructor/co-worker/mall vendor. Repeat.
Even if you manage to get past the lies, the heartache, and the ten pounds you'll put on with comfort food, a cloud will always hang over your relationship. You'll never truly feel cherished, or completely loved. And you deserve better than that, don't you? Why torture yourself with feelings of self-doubt and insecurity? Tell that cheater to hit the road, lock yourself in your apartment with your closest friends, a stack of sappy movies (or action flicks) and a couple quarts of your favorite brand of frozen happiness. Move on, and find someone who gives you the love and respect you deserve. You have the power here. Let me say it again: People will only treat you as poorly (or as well) as you allow them to. So, draw a line in the sand. As of today, your high standards are renewed.
Now that you're weeding out the losers, what will you do on Saturday night? Here's the answer: You'll only date people who treat you with respect and kindness and dignity. You'll only date people who are enthusiastic to be around you. I chose to date only men who brought me sweets and opened my car door as well, but that's optional, depending on your affinity for good manners and chocolate. From now on, you'll only date people who treat you as though you are a Christmas gift to the universe. This may narrow the field a little in the beginning, but once you get the hang of it, you'll have only the best dates to choose from. And that's really what it's all about, isn't it?
There's no advice or magic wand to turn a cheater or abuser into a prince or princess. Consider them a lost cause and move on. Once you set your standards back where they belong, you'll be able to meet and maintain a relationship with the kind of person you truly want to be with.

Amidst couples hurrying to walk down the aisle, I sat here in front of my monitor pondering why they do. Don’t get me wrong, I have dreams of having my own family, raising kids (preferably with a husband), cooking their meals, preparing their things (yes, odd as it may seem, I see myself staying at home and being a full time domestic helper) etc. maybe everything boils down to me being raised by my single working mom (not that she was unmarried, but they parted ways when I was still in my diapers-good for her). and the thought of the “perfect” mom you see in commercials appeal to me so much. I never experienced going home from school and be offered a glass of milk which I have to drink “all the way down”. I have a happy childhood though. It was my tita edith who would attend to me after school, serve me lunch and mango shake or spend time with me eating semi-ripened papaya dipped in vinegar (which makes me realize now how weird that snack was). I loved it back then. Going back, I love my mom no less. Had she been a plain housewife, I wouldn’t know where we’re gonna get money for my education. She’s been (still is) a responsible and loving mother, not very sweet though. Maybe that’s why im also like this: A walking mirror. If your dress doesn’t suit you, you’ll know just by asking me. That’s why I can’t be a saleslady. I also wouldn’t give out sugar-coated comments like most nice friends do but I send the message across at a flick of the finger, it may hurt most of the time but you’ll see the real situation in a few seconds. Which brings me back to the topic why im not hitched yet. I have a theory that most Filipino men are afraid of women who have a very strong personality. Even if I try to be nice, my appearance would fail me. I look like your modern-day contrabida. A callous looking stare (which I don’t mean when I try to check people out), a height that can rival any average Filipino, which according to my friends, intimidate the prospective suitors. Not to mention my being straight forward. I just don’t like guys giving me insincere compliments (you’d know that. Women’s intuition probably-though I don’t look like a woman hehehe). If I feel that there’s no future, why waste their time and mine? Frank as I am, I never would be able to tell a guy I have the hots for him. Call it pride or whatever you wanna call it, I just won’t. Even if I think about him all the time (literally) and harbor fantasies of growing old with that person. Well, maybe that explains it. No solution for that for now, so in the meantime, I’ll just be content in being unattached for another 5 years or so. Pathetic!