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may namamatay kaya sa dehydration? la lang, naisip ko lang. no im not contemplating suicide, that would be a less painful way to leave loved ones behind though ( i wouldnt know actually since di naman ako nag-attempt pa so di ko macompare). pero sasakit naman ang ulo ko in the process (ng pag-atungal), so no thanks. kaya ko naisip kasi lately nagiging iyakin ako.naloloka na ata ako o nagiging manic depressive nako aka bipolar.wala namang mood swings, just generally on a pensive mood.weird hehehe pastime lang magdrama tutal matagal na ko di naiiyak.

let's offer a moment of silence to michael, who left his legacy to G*d-knows-who and died a natural death despite undergoing too many surgeries, one of which could have caused his death a few years earlier,while on the table. i dont hate michael oh no. i can still remember dancing to billie jean, bad, smooth criminal and of course, thriller. covering my neck with glitters and wearing gloves while playing taguan,was a cool deal back then (in our neighborhood that is).perhaps im just a weird kind (who got weirder during the latter years hehehe) trying to fit in. oh well i've said my eulogy for michael, now i can take his place as well...

presenting, the newest member of the WALK of FAME...

clap, clap, clap..... twenkyu so match!!!

Let A be a curve defined parametrically by x = x(t), y = y(t). Say A goes to infinity at t=t0 if either x(t) or y(t) goes to ±∞ as t approaches t0, where t0 may itself be ±∞. In this case, a curve B is said to be an asymptote of A if the distance between (x(t), y(t)) and B approaches 0 as t approaches t0.

There are many different cases that can be treated separately, such as linear asymptotes (below), although intuitively the two functions become arbitrarily close.

A specific example of linear asymptotes can be found in the graph of the function f(x) = 1/x, in which two asymptotes are seen: the horizontal line y = 0 and the vertical line x = 0.

There are multiple ways of interpreting asymptotic behavior. In particular the statement "A function f(x) is said to be asymptotic to a function g(x) as x → ∞" has any of at least three distinct meanings:

f(x) − g(x) → 0.
f(x) / g(x) → 1.
f(x) / g(x) has a nonzero limit.
More formally, curves A and B are asymptotic if and only if there exist continuous functions

CRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP!!!
naisip ko na yan e. baka asymptotic ang relationship namin ng prince charming ko. kasi parang up to now, di pa din niya ko makita. minsan tingin ko yun na pero di pa pala. lumalapit pero di dumidikit. o diba? pinacomplicate ko lang by comparing it sa asymptote.tingin nyo? baka mahina sya sa direction hmmm di ako makakpayag niyan!! magaala-hansel ako at maglealeave ako ng trail!

o kaya eto...

hmmm or this..

ang tanong:

alam ko di ka naman maitim at di rin kulot ang buhok mo pero that describes you best. tanda mo ba nung nagiinuman tayo nung una pang panahon, napagusapan natin ang Jamaica. nung una akala ko nagpapatawa ka, kaya pilit mong tinatalo ang matitinding banat ko, na ewan ko naman kung bakit sa tagal mo ng nambobola ng babae e di mo man lang narinig ang mga salitang...

m:"you're everthing i never thought i've always wanted"
?: pota! ang galing ah. isa kang alamat!
m: ano yun???
?: slow! LEGEND!
m: parang ang tanda naman alamat
?: e matanda ka na kasi
m: tseh sasamain ka sakin ha!
? ako may alam kaso di ko maisip. parang jamaica.
m: jamaica?nosebleed!!!
?: jamaica wanna...ewan!
m: laos ka pala e.
?: panalo nga yung sabi niya (yung kinahuhumalingan mo noon) sa kin e. tiningnan niya yung shirt ko, tapos sabi niya " i knew it, made in HEAVEN!"
m: naknam!! taob ka dun hahaha at nabighani ka naman agad?
?: hinde no!
m: sows kaya pala problemado ka kung pano mo ligawan!hehehe
?: e pano nga?youre the expert, tell me.
m: mahilig ba sha sa pandesal? araw2 mong dalhan
?: hirap naman!
m: o di ba sabi mko gusto mo sha.o kaya haranahin mo! kakilig yun no. isama mo lahat ng brod mo!hehehe
?: seryoso ka ba?
m:oo naman. o kaya pagigib mo ng tubig! kung ako yun sasagutin kita agad kahit mukha ka pang swelas!ang sweet kaya nun.
?: sweet ako no!
m: kaya pala...e sinagot ka na ba?kung ayaw niya wag na kamo.ang arte2 niya!
?: oo nga...

fast forward to present...

i hear someone pounding on our door. thinking it was just another housemate facing an "emergency" (najejebs na ata sa lakas kumatok) i didnt ask who it was and automatically opened the door. and there you were grinning at my pajamas.
m: bat ka nandito?
?: bilis mo naman bumaba.
m:di pako umaakyat no.san ka galing?
?:jan sa tabi2!
m:tara dito at mainit jan!

inside my room...
?: tangena!nilalaplap ako dun. (sabay tanggal ng tshirt at higa sa kama)
m: ng bakla????!!!
?: hinde no. babae! si _____
m: o di ba maayos naman yun saka kras mo yun dati di ba?
?:di pwede yun e.ano ka ba di ba _____ niya yung ex ko?
m: naks kailan ka pa tumanggi?
?: yoko nun.true love na ang gusto ko!
m: "true love"?? di sana nagpa-trulab ka!!!
?: hindi yung trulab na alam natin, true love talaga!
m: nakow! patay tayo jan, di ka na makakakuha ng truelove no!
?: yun nga ang gusto ko, kaso di ko sha makukuha.
m: (wife mode) anong pangalan! anong pangalan? sumagot ka!!!! ( i was supposed to ask kung sino kinahuhumalingan niya)
?: _______(my name!)
m:huh? ah si ________(nickname ng dati niyang fubu na kapangalan ko)
?: huh? wala na yun tagal ko ng di nakikita yun! ikaw ang sinasabi ko! (sabay hawak sa kilikili ko)
m: waaaaaaaaaag, tangena nakiliti ako!!! (katay mode) *series of expletives and primal sounds*
?: bakit???ha? ano?
m: pag ako nakawala dito yari ka sakin, waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaag!aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!
(hingal!)
ayan kita mo na ang ginawa mo, parang binagyo ang kwarto ko.uminit pa!natanggal ang saksak ng aircon!
?: ewan ko sayo.uwe na nga ako! (buwiset??)
m: (di ko pinigilan...after a few, humiga ulit at nag-inarte!) e bat nga di mo pa pinatulan si ____?
?: ayoko sa kanya..
m: e ano pala?
?: gusto ko uupo sa kin (now i got confused...pinapaupo ba niya ko sa kanya, kasi it seems inuutusan niya ko habang nakatingin sa kin)
m:anooooooo? (kagatin ko nga sa tyan, kala niya di ako gaganti sa kanya ha)
?: aaaaaaaaaaaaaah
m: sakit ba??

bigla na lang umikot ang paningin ko. the next thing i know, nakapatong na sha sakin, pinning me down.

m:waaaaaaaaah ayoko na, please
?: ano na peace? suko na ha?
m: opo. peace na..pleaaaase
(pero pilit niyang pinapasok ang daliri niya...sa kilikili ko, kayo naman!! la pa tayo dun sa scene na yun! then narealize ko na nakataas na ang pantulog ko sa may bandang baba ng collarbone ko) hoy! ano yan ha! ano gagawin mo?
?: gaganti ako (didikit niya yung mukha niya sa tyan ko!)
m: ayaw! ayaw!! peace na sorry na?please...
?: ano ng gagawin mo sa kinagat mo?
m: band-aid!! (puss in boots mode, sa shrek while begging)
?: (mukhang kakagat na! sabay tingin ulit) hindi yun.ano ang gagawin mo sa kinagat mo?
m: betadine??
?: wrong answer (habang buong kamay niya ang nakatakip sa mukha ko!di ko malaman kung finifeel niya ang lips ko o gusto niyang isubo ko ang mga daliri niy!)
m: umphhhh.di ako makahinga!! agua oxinada!!
?: (this time unan naman ang tinakip sa mukha ko while im covering my chest) o ano tinatakpan mo jan?? (habang ginagalaw ang bra ko para lang mapraning ako)
m: (muffled sound dahil sa unan) ta*na toigolawn mow yawn.(hingal) pag ako nassuufocaaate ha!
?: hahahahaha
m:gusto mo masaktan ah!yoko na!
?: ano ang gagawin mo sa kinagat mo? uh-uh wrong!!
m: pakshet!waaaaaaah.
?:hawakan mo ulo ko. (yung mukha niya nakaharap sa chest ko)
m: ano?
?: yung kamay mo lagay mo sa ulo ko!
m: ayaw...
?:ilagay mo..
m: ayaw nga...
?: hahahaha i hetchu anymore!
m: i hetchu too!
tumigil din...
m:may kkwento ako sayo...
?: snore.....
m: huy!
?: ayoko marinig..
m: sungit mo ha.
?: o ano?
m: gumimik ako sa moa saka sa malate.
?: oo nga, dito ka sa kabila ko
m: (lipat ako sa right side niya, dala ang unan ko) ayun nga nag moa kami, tapos dinner sa abe, huy nakikinig ka ba?
?: oo naman.
m:ayun nga nag moa kami, tapos dinner sa abe.ano ba yang ginagawa mo sa pajama ko?
?: wala no tulog ako e.
m: hinihila mo panty ko e! (pillow fight!)
?: hindi ah. kwento ka na ulit.
m: ayun nga nag moa kami, tapos dinner sa abe... hooooy!!!! bat mo pinapatong yang kamay mo sa boobs ko! naknam!!
?: hindi naman e. la akong ginagawa no! natutulog lang ako dito e. (sabay talikod)
m: kukutusan kita ha.
?: dito ka hug mo ko.
m: --->hugs him
?: tanggalin mo nga yan unan mo, dikit mo boobs mo sa likod ko!
m: letse! puro ka kamanyakan! bahala ka jan.

after a few, he was sleeping like a baby!

okay, OA na yan. di sha ganyan kagwapo. pero yan ang itsura niya nung iniwan ko sha sa kama ko. haaaaay ano bang gagawin ko sayo?

parang 3D lang no...la lang la lang akong magawa. "L" stands for LIKE.. yan ang generic name ko para sa kras ko.actually pangalawa ko nang beses gagamitin to. nagamit ko na sha 2 mos ago sa isa ko pang ex kras, after ni "dark" vader. remember him? yung roomate ko who died a natural death (ay mali, yung feelings ko ang nag-die, hindi sha).

heniways, ang bagong L sa buhay ko ay isang teamate. ironically, maliit sha, as in short. kainis di ba e barda pa naman ako, as in bardagol according to my gay teamates hahaha. di kami bagay, physically. ang isa pang ironic e medyo tsinito sha. hmmm not really my type.pero his smile is so refreshing. parang maaalis ang pagod mo pag nagsmile sha sayo hehehe.para tinatanong niya kung ano gusto mo kainin....mahihiya ka namang sabihin na siya sana! wahahaha joke lang...baka macensor tayo niyan. ayun nga, i was fretting over the lack of players (female) during the game. there's a probability that i'll be late for work again. so la talaga ako sa mood nung nagwawarm up ako magisa sa isang corner, lalo pat wala naman si L. out of the blue, bigla na lang shang tumatakbo staright into my arms, sa CR pala para magpalit. nagulat na lang ako kasi my mood changed from being lethargic to ecstatic (parang di sila match no, pero that's how i felt). lumabas ang U.S. (uncontrollable smile) sa kissable(NOT!) kong lips. buong game di ko sha mapigil :-P. then lumabas ang top ten ni callboi at nakita ko sha...i dont care kung bi sha o alien basta i want him!!!

naiimagine ko na ang una naming pagtatagpo ni papa john...
maharot: so, how's the weather?
papa: huh?
m: sarap ng panahon no?
p: natikman mo? hehehe
m: di na kailangan. kaw kahit di ko pa natitikman mukhang masarap din e!(blushing!)
p: wapak!
m: sinampal ako, di pala kami talo!

kidding aside, i like him regarless sa preference niya. bihira kasi akong kiligin kaya pagbigyan nyo nako. literal na buong shift kong tinititigan ang pic niya sa pc ko. dedma na sa loooooooong call at kakulangan sa focus sa sinasabi ni customer....basta masilayan ko lang ang pic niyang parang nakikipagtitigan sakin wahahaha... por dat, I LOVE YOU JOHN na ang isisigaw ko sa next video ko :P

this is meant for another friend but i dont think he would appreciate being compared to a girl. athena won't mind though. this is how he/she/it would look like in drag hehehe and maverick (of ariel and maverick fame) in retro

whoa! i know it's exaggerated but dax has his illusions. this one's mine though. back then, he would say he looks like jomari yllana, because people tell him so. not a bad comparison since he was still "innocent" (NOT!!!) back then. then he grew his hair longer and claimed he looked like antonio banderas (Huwaaaaaaaaat?). the funny thing is, girls believe this. gullible beings or perhaps it was dax who was gullible hahaha

when alyanna went to our house, my brother's impression was he's gay (he really is). when it was his turn to visit me in my apartment he asked who would be there. it told him athena ( ah yung mukhang addict? --he was referring to a former housemate, not athena), alyanna (ay yung nagpunta sa bahay na kamukha ni kuya kim!). por dat, i present alyanna!

the first day i laid eyes on him, i cant pinpoint who he looked like. he was way thinner then, fit if i may say so. he could do a sit-up/sec. it dawned on me that he looks like anjo. he vehemently denied this, but began calling me "johnny" (bestfriend johnny ni tikboy). even dax calls him kuya hahaha (that's when he still looks like jomari).problem is dax is a year(level) ahead of us (just a few months older) so babsy finds that hard to accept. he would extend his middle finger everytime dax would call him kuya from afar.

yes! the telenovela king. he's the first person gay friends would ask about (even straight ones) once they see my picture with a couple/group of friends. and he can really pose and talk to the camera!

it's her dream(daydream), that she looks like angelica panganiban. sometimes, she would even imitate the dance moves in ASAP while we laugh out loud. even her avatar would be her pic hehehe. some fan she is!

this text message i received from my spammer friend hanna kept me thinking. i would agree that at some point, men are like books. they come in different shapes and sizes and they tell you many things, mostly fictional hahaha. not that i'm an expert on men. but i have many guy friends who won't hesitate to tell me a thing or two about their not too discrete escapades. a few months ago, i devour 3 books in a week due to lack of social life. not that i dont have an option. i just don't feel any urge to go out with friends and splurge (as if naman may gagastusin!), so i ended up spending my money on books. they're mostly fictional FBI cases involving murder and serial killers or conspiracies yet to be proven ( i don't know if i need to be bothered but i just love these sort of stories). i go to booksale and books for less so i can get my money's worth. i wish i could say the same about men. no, i don't buy men, that's for sure, but sometimes i don't think i'm getting my "time's" worth waiting for them to sweep me off my feet. it just doesn't happen. during pensive modes, i would be asking "is it me?" do i drive them away (most of the time i drive them nuts, i know that for a fact). is there anything i need to improve when i deal with them? as i've mentioned, i have lots of guy friends, therefore, they can tolerate me.but then again, most of the guy friends i have now are gay so you know.... my "barako" pals would always say i'm a catch (aheeem, saka na bayad niyo ha). im fun to be with, no hang ups about eating at turo2, no qualms about hearing their pornographic stories about their current flings or exes etcetera. in short, jologs at kunsintidor. (not to mention gorgeous chareeeng!!!) it's just that i'm a bit "scary" meaning i have an aura that implies that "i'm not afraid to lose you if you stray", yun bang parang di sila tatagal ng 24 oras pag nalaman kong may tinext silang ex or prospective fling. to which i retaliated "what's wrong with that?" i mean who would want a two-timing "bastard" (di ito ikaw, classmate hehehe) for a partner? then he said exactly! that's the main reason men is afraid of you. not wanting to justify their mistakes, my friend emphasized on their need to feel "indispensable". he said as much as you would love to feel "emotionally secure", we want to feel indispensable. even if we don't stray(which is so unlikely for him hahaha), the fact that we feel threatened by such independence may make us divert our affection for some girl. he said he knows it sounds lame and weak but that's the case for most men. they may project a very arresting persona but deep inside, they hurt, they flinch, they cower like women do. and the thought of a woman who can dump they at the blink of an eye scares them like hell. hmmm....maybe he's right, iam a bit scary. o sige na nga nakakatakot na ko, happy??? still, i wouldn't lessen my standards or lose my principles just to please someone, nor settle for someone who's available. at times i wish i could, i mean just fall for the next best guy but that just wouldn't be fair. i believe that if any effort is exerted to fall for someone, that would be a waste of time.we don't choose who to love. it just happens.but (isang malaking BUT) we have a control over our actions. we do things consciously, regardless if it's right or wrong. it's just a matter of what you believe in, ce n'est pas? how i wish men are like books, choose whichever you like, understand them just by reading `em. but then, men are far more complicated.....sad but true.

once upon a time,in an unknown kingdom, there lived a princess who has no royal blood but thinks she's a princess nonetheless. she secretly believed in a happily ever after ending. tired of her "royal" duties, she went wandering in the palace grounds, escaping the guards just to have a puff of marlboro. a frog was doing the same in a pond near the bushes where the princess was hiding. to make the long story short, i'll have to end this. just kidding..

the princess and the frog became good friends. as days pass, the princess got fond of the frog in the pond, she finds it(the frog) extremely funny (looking?). like all friendship, they have their ups and downs. most of the time, the frog would forget to show up on time (for various reasons) or doesn't show up at all (again, for various reasons). but the princess is a very patient person (feisty alright, but patient still). she would forgive the frog everytime. their war modes would last for hours, days or weeks even. their friendship has a switch, sometimes on but mostly off. the princess tried to understand that maybe, since they came from different class and order (the princess being a mammal under order primates while kermit=amphibian order anura) they totally have different set of values which may account for their misunderstandings. given this fact, the princess still considered the frog a good friend.

subconciously, the princess was hoping that the frog is a true prince and was just cursed by a snotty hag whom he had wronged before. the frog if not for his appearance, could pass for a human being. he's nice, funny, sweet, has emotions and could talk, mind you. one time, the frog asked the princess "has it ever crossed your mind that we two could be an item?". with a spark of hope, the princess answered semi-truthfully "with everyone teasing me, of course". but at the back of her mind she would have wanted to say "always". there were nights (and days) that all she could think about is the frog. has it eaten? where could it be now? does it ever think of me as much as i think of it? does it value the friendship as much as she does? probably not. maybe it's off to some place to get acquainted with its fellow frogs, croaking all night, looking for flies to feast on. after that incident, the frog didn't ask anymore, he would always ask her out, visit her, talk to her, but would never ask the same question he asked before. this made the princess feel unattractive. she was even thinking, am i not even lovable for a frog?

the princess tried to accept things as they are and remained friends with the frog. but the frog having lacked education since there were no frog school in the kingdom, didn't learn anything from his mistakes. he repeatedly do things much to the dismay of the princess; lame excuses, broken promises blah blah blah. the princess would always remind him that her patience has a limit, that one day, they may part ways, go on with their lives without looking back. that only the happy memories will remain, but not the person. the frog just shrugged (yes they can do that).

one morning, the princess woke up from a dream. in that dream, she was telling the frog how much she loved it. she stopped entertaining other friends (be it a person or an animal) just because.... it was her choice though and had no regrets in doing so. the frog said "why didn't you tell me?" the princess replied with tears rolling down her cheeks "i could have loved you more than you can imagine, but you never gave me reasons to".

it turned out the frog is just your ordinary frog......not the prince the princess would have wanted it to be....

napapansin ko lately na parang wala na yung dati kong sigla. parang lagi akong malungkot o kaya may iniisip. wala naman akong sakit (sa utak alam ko meron, malaki!). di naman din ako natatae. at definitely wala akong TB! hmmm. buti na lang nanonood ako ng the buzz! si papa lloydie pala e nalilink kay Broooffa! di to pupwede!walang makakaagaw sa one ang only lloydie ko. oo nangangaliwa ako, pero si zanjoe ang kinakaliwa ko because of mr. cruz. buti na lang clinear up niya yan or else..susugod ako sa bahay nila at magsusumbong ako kay mommy!

ano ba tong sinasabi ko? teka inom muna ako ng kape para kilabutan ako. prozaaaaaaaaaac!!!

you are my sunshine
my only sunshine
you make me happy
when skies are gray
lalalala

im sure at one point in time, you have mistaken attraction, lust or pure boredom for love. who hasn't, right? who, in their proper mind, doesnt want to feel love and be loved as well? i know im not the sanest person you can meet and im told worse things, so i dont share the same thinking. sure i'd like to be in love and be loved but i dont equate a mere crush to love no matter how ecstatic i get whenever i see my eye-candy. i can stay in limbo (kilig phase) for quite some time and not really think im in love with the person. i dunno if that's a good thing though. sometimes i feel im incapable of loving again. i mean falling in love. with my long list of requirements, people may think im a perfectionist. i beg to disagree though hehehe. i am capable of loving (after a series of investigating, experimenting and of course, pseudo-dating). the question is: WHO???

i havent met anybody new that catches my attention. i dont date, no trysts, no nothing. sure i get to meet guys at work but no one seems to meet the standards. i tried checking friends' friends but no luck. i always end up discovering questionable traits. there was one though that seems to remind me of someone, but then i lost interest for some (undisclosed) reason hahaha. he would have been okay. nice, somewhat funny, not too stocky and the whole shebang. tsk tsk tsk too bad so sad....

my "spiritual adviser" told me to just forget them and move on. surely, someone will come and sweep me off my feet, i said. someone nice smart funny and loving. my prince charming i told him. then he said..
"wala na kokonti na lang kami!! hahaha"
i retorted."he'll come. what are you implying? na d niya ko mahahanap, ganun?!?"
he simply said " nagiisa na lang ako!"
that made me frown, not because im mad but that statement confused me. is he making a pass at me?
"so anong iniimply mo? na di na niya ko mahahanap o ikaw na lang ang last resort ko?"
he just laughed...

my friend ruthie tells me "alam mo ikaw minsan, dense ka din e! obvious naman na gusto ka nila di mo naman pinapansin"
i said: it's not that. ayoko lang mag-assume tapos binobola lang naman ako. you know how i hate liars and players.
ruthie: naman!may nag-oofer naman ah. yung isa panay ang reto sa yo sa iba, that's a sign. you just have to read between the lines.
me: what if im dyslexic? i may be getting the wrong signals. why cant they just tell me bluntly?? yung meron namang sincerity.
r: tingin mo sa angas mong yan di sila maiintimidate?
m: e wala pala silang b*y*g! di din sila pupwede kung sa simpleng pagsasabi di nila magawa.i wont settle for anything less hehehe
r: haaaaaaaaay ewan ko sayo.
m: un lang naman hinihintay ko.sincere at matapang
r: na funny na matangkad na brusko na mabait at smart.perfect na yun!
m: uhmmm i rest my case...for now

minsan, may mga bagay na di mo maexplain. parang yung feeling na matatae ka pero utot lang pala. o kaya yung may makati pero di mo mapin-point kung saan. ang masaklap sa likod tapos di mo maabot o di makamot kasi di mo nga alam kung saan ang makati.haaaaaay i know im not making any sense pero it feels so good. parang ang sincere ng feeling. i guess sincere talaga kasi, ewan.weird ba? ang kaso la naman akong nafifeel na romantic sa ginagawa namin. i guess i was just used to it. today was different kasi di niya ko binuhat nung hinug niya ko pero it lasted for 2 mins siguro. i lost track of time until naisip ko na all the while na naguusap kami, di niya nirerelease ang hug...pang chick flick lang ang chika hehehe. alam ko excited na kayo malaman hihihi (kahit la naman nagbabasa ng blog ko). i just need to let some steam out...here goes...

iika-ika akong maglakad sa gitna ng kfc kasi madulas ang sahig... (and the guy is...drum rolls please...DAX!!! alam ko na maraming kinikilig sa tandem namin, minsan feeling ko kinikilig na din ako hahaha kaso pang ilang oras lang un)
dax: ayos ah malayo pa lang nakakunot na noo mo.
me: normal na yan no!
he hugged me like forever.pramis.lapat na lapat ang ang katawan namin i swear.no, this wont turn into a pseudo-xerex letter. i was ranting about things we missed out when we last talked to each other (which was yesterday). all the time na dumadakdak ako, pahigpit ng pahigpit ang hug niya. i dunno if he was feeling my boobs (manyak naman talaga sha minsan kahit tinatago niya hehehe). late ko na narealize na ang tagal namin nakatayo malapit sa table, all the while embracing each other. his 6'2.5" and my 5'8.5" (i was wearing heels) frame was a distraction. nung narealize ko how he was holding me, nailang ako bigla. so i said:

me: pwede mo na ko bitawan hehehe
d: hahaha
pagtingin ko sa table he ordered a chicken sandwich (zinger ata yun), spicy chicken wings with ranch dressing and chicken strips.

m: ano to?
d: para sayo, lakas mo kumain e hehehe
m: tado ka! bat walang rice? hahaha
d: ilan ba gusto mo? ako kasi diet e (grinning)
m: ano gusto mo pa? bibili pako.
d: kaw, kung kaya mo yan lahat ok na ko sa water.
m: sure ka jan?? bibili ako ng rice soda and water lang sayo?
d: tubig lang.diet hehehe ang payat ko na nga e
m: whatever!
d: hahaha
after blabbering about the newest updates on my not so colorful life, natapos din kami kumain. he was laughing at my "i love you, piolo video (which i referred to as my scandal, i promise i'd make one) which was a far cry from his own version hahaha. at syempre, di lalampas sa paningin niya ang umusli kong bilbil sa video.
d:yaak!
m: ano?
d: bilbil o!
m: tseh! pumayat nako.
d: oo nga grabe pinayat mo ah kumpara sa video.
m: sira nung isang araw nga lang yan di ba.
d: yun nga e ibig sabihin pumayat ka na agad hahaha ang galing mo!
m: buwiseeet!
sabay tingin ako sa shoes niya. naka leather si gago.
d: bakit?
m: la lang. baka naka rubbershoes ka e.
d: e ano naman?
m: ampangit kaya.
d: sabi mo nga dati. bat may babaeng ayaw ng rubber shoes?
m: bat kasi may nagsusuot ng rubber shoes?
d: kumportable
m: kahit na, baduy no.
d: pansinin mo naman ung pasalubong ko pambihira! (a trinket with my name on it)
m: ay ano to?aaaaw tenchu! san galing?
d: baguio...
m: how sweet. musta na si _______?
d: sa knila.
m: wag mong sabihing...
d: wala na a month ago pa. mahabng kwento.
m: 3rd party?
d: wala no.nwalan na lang ng time kasi di na kami nagkikita.
m: aaaaw...im sure in no time, babalik ka din dun
d: (smirks) ganyan na talaga tayo. kaw ganyan, ako ganito hehehe
together: haaaaaaaaay

minsan naiisip ko, he'll be my forever knight... whether i like it or not!

sunday night...

dax: musta gimik?
me: ayos naman. saya! sana sumama ka.
d: hinahabol ko kasi ang basketball e, sayang yung championship.kaso natalo naman late na nga ako gumising.5 na.gusto ko sana sumunod kaso uuwe kana agad e gusto ko sana monday pa uwe e.kaso pabalik na kayo agad.
m:nandito pako galera no!
d:SHEEEEEEEEEEET NAMAN SHOOOOOTAH E. GRRR
m:e kasi naman lagi kang busy. di ka na magkandaugaga sa social life mo. you have no time for me hmph hehehe

d: kung alam mo lang....
m: na ano? na balingkinitan ako?alam ko na yan!hahaha
d: ok.super hot!at bata pa!
m:wahaha tado! tell me something i dont know
d:ikaw ang rason ng lahat...
m: hmp tinagalog mo lang ang youre the reason for everything..
d:walang kasing liwanag ang iyong ningning!
m: korni! panis naman yan!
d:wla kang kasing aaaaaaaaaaaasiiim!
m: hay nako you need a refresher! like "you're everything i never thought i've always wanted" saka yung "urs is the face that i want to see when i wake up, the embrace id love to feel at the end of the day. i love u more than i could ever find the words to say..."
d: nalaglag brief ko dun ah
m: di ka naman nagbbrief e!!!romantic lang talga ako no.
d: ganun naman lahat e, dumarating yun.
m: hinde no, im always sweet. galing lang magtago hahaha
d: kaya naman ang galing din nilang magtago! hahaha mwaaaah

You only call me when you’re down
You only call me when you’re down
You only call me when you’re down
You only call me when you’re down
-- Bush, “X-Girlfriend”
Out of the blue, my boyfriend’s ex texted him a couple of weeks back, asking for an old picture of the two of them someone had taken several years ago. Di alam ni BF kung nasan na yun ngayon, so sabi niya wala sa kanya. Girl texted back, ”Yes it is! You put it in an old textbook!”. E di nainis naman daw si BF. (disclaimer ni BF: “Hindi ako nainis a! Somewhere below inis”. Baka daw kasi mabasa ito ng ex niya. ) Ang kulit naman niya, sabi na ngang wala sakin eh he told me.

Feeling ko nabalitaan niya na may bago ka nang girlfriend I said, kaya ka niya biglang tinext. Kaya lumang picture niyo yung hinahanap niya.

Bakit kaya ganun, no. Anlabo talaga ng mga ex-girlfriend. Maniwala kayo, dumaan din naman ako sa ganyan no. Alam mo yun, kunwari ikaw yung ex-girlfriend. Tapos narinig mong may bago nang girlfriend yung ex-boyfriend mo. Tapos ikaw wala pa, single ka pa din. Di ba medyo feeling olats ka nun. Hindi naman kasi sa ibig sabihin mahal mo pa yung ex mo or whatever, hindi naman laging ganon kasi yung situation. Yung overall feeling lang kasi na, ayun masaya na ulit yung ex mo, may ka-holding hands siya ulit, chuchu. Tapos ikaw, wala pa din, naghihintay pa din na tamaan ka ni Kupido. Or tinamaan ka na pero yung kabila hindi pa din. Or something. Basta. Whatever. Ang point e, pag ex-girlfriend ka at yung ex mo e meron nang bagong chickabebs, ehe, grabe. Dramaturgy kung dramaturgy. Lahat ng kadramahang nag-ooverflow sa lahat ng telenovela ngayon sa TV, walang binatbat sa combination ng self-pity, insecurity, lunacy at cunning na ike-credit mo ang sarili mo for having.

Mas mabuti pa nga yung ex ng boyfriend ko ngayon, hanggang text lang humihirit. Yung ex ng ex ko, habang kami pa nung ex kong yun, tatawag ba naman at papapuntahin ko yung (then) boyfriend ko sa bahay nila para bumisita sa nanay nung girl. Bisita, my ass! Ano ako tanga? Tapos laging bumibisita sa UP, laging pinupuntahan yung ex ko. Magyayayang mag-dinner. Syempre hindi ako kasama. Sino nga ba naman ako, hamak na girlfriend lang naman. Pero syempre go, hindi naman ako mag-aacting na overjealous girlfriend di ba. Sige punta ka dun, samahan mo ex mo. OK lang, magnanimous girlfriend kuno. Maya-maya break na kami. Hahaha. Natuwa siguro ang gaga. Nangyari din yung gusto niyang mangyari. Napag-hiwalay din kami.

Pero palagay ko hindi naman yun sinadya, syempre hindi na naman kasi ako bitter di ba. Ang iniisip ko lang, nung una ding nagka-girlfriend yung ex ko, tapos ako naman yung unattached pa, medyo nawindang din ako e. Parang di ako makapaniwala na yung ex ko masaya na ulit, may bounce na ulit sa step niya. Halong envy sa kanya dahil may nagmamahal ulit sa kanya na mahal din siya, at disappointment na hindi pa yun nangyayari sa akin, at awe na parang, wow ex ko ba ito? Parang ibang tao siya a! Hindi na siya yung kilala ko dati! At higit sa lahat, ang pinakamatimbang sa tingin ko, ang ego-shattering realization na hindi na siya sa iyo, sa ibang tao na siya, hindi ka na ganon ka-importante tulad ng dati.

Oo, hindi na nga kayo nagmamahalan, for example. Kunwari ganon, magkaibigan na lang talaga kayo (kasi kung papag-usapan pa natin yung case na apektado ka talaga dahil mahal mo pa yung ex mo, naku, talo ka na dyan, talo!). Siyempre nag-uusap pa din kayo. Kwento-kwento tungkol sa buhay, sa mga kamag-anak, sa ginagawa ng isa’t isa. Tapos biglang isang araw sabi niya may girlfriend na siya ulit. Ewan ko, there’s something primal in that situation. Asserting your territory to an extent. Kasi pwede mong tignan na ganon e, territorial na hayop kasi ang tao e. For a period of time, “territory” mo yung ex mo (how’s that for a sexist remark, treating ex-boyfriends like pieces of real estate, LOL), ikaw yung nag-aalaga, ikaw yung nag-aasikaso. Tapos ngayon iba na, hindi na pwedeng ikaw. Kahit ikaw yung gumagawa nun nung hindi na kayo. Wala na, iba na talaga.

Kaya lumang picture nila ng boyfriend ko yung hinahanap ng ex niya. Kaya laging nag-iimbita yung ex ng ex ko na bumisita siya sa nanay nung girl. Kasi yun yung mga marks of territory nila sa isa’t isa, yun yung mga bagay comprising their collective couplehood memories.

May tendency lang siguro ang mga ex-girlfriend na mas mag-overreact pag nasa ganyan sitwasyon. Feeling mo inaagawan ka ng mundo ng kakampi. Feeling mo pinapag-tripan ka ng tadhana. Pero hindi naman kasi yun yung point eh. Ang point eh ito:

Kung ano yung meron kayo dati ng ex mo, ganon na lang yun. Hanggang dun na lang kayo. Tutal, wala namang makakaagaw ng lahat ng memories niyo ng isa’t isa eh. Hindi naman yun mawawala. Pero kahit sabihin mo na magkaibigan naman kayo, at isipin mo man na importante ka pa sa kanya, oo totoo nga ito, pero hindi tulad ng dati. Hindi talaga. Kaya wag mo nang pilitin, wag mo nang i-assert yung sarili mo, mukha ka lang tanga. Kung gusto kang kwentuhan ng ex mong may bagong girlfriend, hintayin mong lumapit. Wag mong unahan, nahahalatang apektado ka. Hindi na uso ngayon ang pa-martir effect. Hindi na din gumagana ang reverse psychology. Tanggapin mo na, sa ibang tao na siya. Tapos na ang era niyo.

Want to know something funny? Madalang na nangyayari ito sa lalaki, na yung guy yung nangungulit dahil may bagong boyfriend na yung ex niya. Ang mga lalaki kasi, pag nalalagay sa awkward situation na ganyan, kusa na silang lumalayo. O di ba, para klaro ang mga linya.

E tayong mga babae, masyado talaga tayong madrama. Maghahanap ng kung anu-anong dahilan para lang ma-remind ang ex na, hoy natatandaan mo ba ako? Girlfriend mo dati? Idadaan kunwari sa pagsoli ng mga hiniram na t-shirt, o sa pagbigay ng Christmas gift na napag-usapan habang sila pa. Ang gusto lang naman talaga sabihin e, Gago ka porket may bago ka nang girlfriend wag mo akong kakalimutan bwiset! Bakit ikaw may bago ka na, ako miserable pa din?! Natatandaan mo ba tayo dati, ganyan din tayo dati, kung pano kayo ng bagong girlfriend mo ngayon…

Ang kulit kasi, sabi na ngang wala namang makaka-erase ng pinagsamahan ninyo ever. May lugar ka na sa history ng ex-boyfriend mo, parang si Erap may lugar sa listahan ng mga naging presidente ng Pilipinas. Hahaha. Pero seryoso nga, totoo.

Ngayon, ang problema na lang e kung gaano kahanda yung bagong girlfriend ng ex mo na tanggapin ka as historical fact. Kung hindi, naku, yan ang pinagmumulan ng psycho-b*tch girlfriend from hell… Ibang kwento na yun…

"cannot be,borrow one from three"

yan ang sabi ng titser ko nung grade one.at yan ang mantra ko this year. para di ako natetempt. Kasi wa epek yung last kong mantra, yung " ah baka nahihiya ka lang". magfeeling ba? e obvious naman na lahat ng nakapalda e niligawan mo na. minsan nga tinry ko pang mag-palda baka sakaling maisip mong babae din ako e. kaso no deal pa din! kaya ngayon dededmahin na kita.

Ano ba naman kasi ang pinakain mo sakin. ni hindi mo nga inalok ng juice man lang. hi at hello lang lagi, pilit pa. parang lalagnatin ka lagi pag nakikita mo ako. feelingero ka din siguro. ako naman si tanga, mapride, kunwari di kita napapansin kahit half naked kang palakad-lakad sa harap ko. hinihintay ko pa kasing lumapit ka. di mo naman ginawa. "ay busy lang siguro". naging belief ko din yan. yun e after weeks na nagpapakyut ako sayo at no effect pa din. Eh wala pa ngang sampung minuto mawawala ka na sa paningin ko. di pa din ako nawalan ng gana. ni-stalk pa din kita kala mo ha. after a month, nalaman ko na din ang course mo. geodetic engineering pala. 3rd year at consistent scholar. huwaaaw! at andrew macaspac jr. ang name mo. hmmm katrina reyes macaspac. bagay na din kahit mabantot pakinggan. mabango ka naman e. the following sem, nag cross enroll pako sa isang subject na kinukuha mo, elective ba, para sa dorm pwede tayong magreview. hanggang isang araw nawala ka na lang. wala man lang warning o kahit goodbye kiss, di naman ako weary of strangers e. di din naman ako choosy. pwede ka na sa nanay ko. mabait naman yun at im sure boto sha sayo kahit di ko pa sha tinatanong.

The following sem, di na kita nakita sa dorm. naisip ko siguro nagpapamiss ka lang. in fernez, epektib ha. minsan ka lang gumimik, swak agad. so ako naman, waiting in vain sa pagdating mo. kilala ko na nga lahat ng roomate mo e. si karl, classmate pala ni marla na roomate ko. si harley naman, blockmate ni stephen na bf ni denise, na katabi ng room ko. si dondon, teamate ng kuya ni jamie, na roomate ko din. and last but not the least, si dondi na fubu ni aira. o diba meant to be talaga. isa na lang lalakad na, tayo na lang di naghu-hook-up.

tinry ko na maginternet at isearch ka dun. iaadd sana kita sa facebook at friendster kaso la naman ako mahanap. sinubukan ko na ang drew, jun-jun, jhun2, bong, bhong, vhong, junior at dayunyor macaspac pero wala pa din. i therefore conclude, di ka tech savy hmph. di ko naman alam ang email address mo, kung meron man.
Iniisip ko pa rin kung bakit ka ganon. Hanggang tingin ka lang. Alam mo naman na pagkatapos nung gabing yon, malamang di na tayo magkikita. Ba’t mo hinayaan na magkahiwalay tayo ng ganon-ganon na lang?

“Kasi di mo naman talaga ako type (baka natuwa ka lang).”
“Kasi meron ka nang iba…GF o asawa.?”
"Kasi miyembro ka ng NPA? o worst, you can never be mine kasi "miyembro ka din ng Federacion"

Pa’no ko ngayon maku-confirm? Di na kita mahagilap. Pero me sasabihin pa nga pala ulit ako sa’yo. Di pa ako gumigib-ap sa thought na hanggang dito na lang tayo. Limang araw ka pa lang nawawala. Hahanapin kita, pramis.