of books and men

this text message i received from my spammer friend hanna kept me thinking. i would agree that at some point, men are like books. they come in different shapes and sizes and they tell you many things, mostly fictional hahaha. not that i'm an expert on men. but i have many guy friends who won't hesitate to tell me a thing or two about their not too discrete escapades. a few months ago, i devour 3 books in a week due to lack of social life. not that i dont have an option. i just don't feel any urge to go out with friends and splurge (as if naman may gagastusin!), so i ended up spending my money on books. they're mostly fictional FBI cases involving murder and serial killers or conspiracies yet to be proven ( i don't know if i need to be bothered but i just love these sort of stories). i go to booksale and books for less so i can get my money's worth. i wish i could say the same about men. no, i don't buy men, that's for sure, but sometimes i don't think i'm getting my "time's" worth waiting for them to sweep me off my feet. it just doesn't happen. during pensive modes, i would be asking "is it me?" do i drive them away (most of the time i drive them nuts, i know that for a fact). is there anything i need to improve when i deal with them? as i've mentioned, i have lots of guy friends, therefore, they can tolerate me.but then again, most of the guy friends i have now are gay so you know.... my "barako" pals would always say i'm a catch (aheeem, saka na bayad niyo ha). im fun to be with, no hang ups about eating at turo2, no qualms about hearing their pornographic stories about their current flings or exes etcetera. in short, jologs at kunsintidor. (not to mention gorgeous chareeeng!!!) it's just that i'm a bit "scary" meaning i have an aura that implies that "i'm not afraid to lose you if you stray", yun bang parang di sila tatagal ng 24 oras pag nalaman kong may tinext silang ex or prospective fling. to which i retaliated "what's wrong with that?" i mean who would want a two-timing "bastard" (di ito ikaw, classmate hehehe) for a partner? then he said exactly! that's the main reason men is afraid of you. not wanting to justify their mistakes, my friend emphasized on their need to feel "indispensable". he said as much as you would love to feel "emotionally secure", we want to feel indispensable. even if we don't stray(which is so unlikely for him hahaha), the fact that we feel threatened by such independence may make us divert our affection for some girl. he said he knows it sounds lame and weak but that's the case for most men. they may project a very arresting persona but deep inside, they hurt, they flinch, they cower like women do. and the thought of a woman who can dump they at the blink of an eye scares them like hell. hmmm....maybe he's right, iam a bit scary. o sige na nga nakakatakot na ko, happy??? still, i wouldn't lessen my standards or lose my principles just to please someone, nor settle for someone who's available. at times i wish i could, i mean just fall for the next best guy but that just wouldn't be fair. i believe that if any effort is exerted to fall for someone, that would be a waste of time.we don't choose who to love. it just happens.but (isang malaking BUT) we have a control over our actions. we do things consciously, regardless if it's right or wrong. it's just a matter of what you believe in, ce n'est pas? how i wish men are like books, choose whichever you like, understand them just by reading `em. but then, men are far more complicated.....sad but true.