lost in love

im sure at one point in time, you have mistaken attraction, lust or pure boredom for love. who hasn't, right? who, in their proper mind, doesnt want to feel love and be loved as well? i know im not the sanest person you can meet and im told worse things, so i dont share the same thinking. sure i'd like to be in love and be loved but i dont equate a mere crush to love no matter how ecstatic i get whenever i see my eye-candy. i can stay in limbo (kilig phase) for quite some time and not really think im in love with the person. i dunno if that's a good thing though. sometimes i feel im incapable of loving again. i mean falling in love. with my long list of requirements, people may think im a perfectionist. i beg to disagree though hehehe. i am capable of loving (after a series of investigating, experimenting and of course, pseudo-dating). the question is: WHO???

i havent met anybody new that catches my attention. i dont date, no trysts, no nothing. sure i get to meet guys at work but no one seems to meet the standards. i tried checking friends' friends but no luck. i always end up discovering questionable traits. there was one though that seems to remind me of someone, but then i lost interest for some (undisclosed) reason hahaha. he would have been okay. nice, somewhat funny, not too stocky and the whole shebang. tsk tsk tsk too bad so sad....

my "spiritual adviser" told me to just forget them and move on. surely, someone will come and sweep me off my feet, i said. someone nice smart funny and loving. my prince charming i told him. then he said..
"wala na kokonti na lang kami!! hahaha"
i retorted."he'll come. what are you implying? na d niya ko mahahanap, ganun?!?"
he simply said " nagiisa na lang ako!"
that made me frown, not because im mad but that statement confused me. is he making a pass at me?
"so anong iniimply mo? na di na niya ko mahahanap o ikaw na lang ang last resort ko?"
he just laughed...

my friend ruthie tells me "alam mo ikaw minsan, dense ka din e! obvious naman na gusto ka nila di mo naman pinapansin"
i said: it's not that. ayoko lang mag-assume tapos binobola lang naman ako. you know how i hate liars and players.
ruthie: naman!may nag-oofer naman ah. yung isa panay ang reto sa yo sa iba, that's a sign. you just have to read between the lines.
me: what if im dyslexic? i may be getting the wrong signals. why cant they just tell me bluntly?? yung meron namang sincerity.
r: tingin mo sa angas mong yan di sila maiintimidate?
m: e wala pala silang b*y*g! di din sila pupwede kung sa simpleng pagsasabi di nila magawa.i wont settle for anything less hehehe
r: haaaaaaaaay ewan ko sayo.
m: un lang naman hinihintay ko.sincere at matapang
r: na funny na matangkad na brusko na mabait at smart.perfect na yun!
m: uhmmm i rest my case...for now