on the road to spinsterdom

Im 29 years, 10 months and 12 days old today. In this age of unplanned pregnancy, failed marriages, philandering husbands and unfaithful wives, yours truly has been oblivious to my so-called love life, until today. It’s not as if I have one though. The news came as a shock. I woke up at 3 am in the morning and saw my phone lighting up. That means I have a text. 2 text messages rather. One from a Xgirl (a very good friend) asking if I had read “BROWNIE’s” text. The one who would carry me on his back on the way home, who’d write me mushy letters about our ideal friendship, the only guy who would love me (come what may) more than his numerous girlfriends. Brownie, who would have been a candidate for my search (in the near future) for the ideal sperm (to meet up with my superior egg), is now a dad. Since I read the text in a rather sleep-conducive hour, I just shrugged it off but managed to congratulate him nonetheless. And to my surprise, he thanked me. Omigas!!!! This isn’t one of my wacky dreams where I would be a beggar begging for jaguar cars one minute and the next celebrating my wedding in a McDo joint. Those weird dreams often haunt me, you know. But this one with brownie is real. I woke up 6 hours after, feeling awful. Then it dawned on me, we can no longer have “our” first-born!! His was already born 24 hours ago. Not that I still pine for him after all these years, its just that he became a security blanket, that someday, when the world gets tired of chinovelas and showbiz talk shows, we will realize that no one would accept us except each other (mush mush mush). Or maybe a gauge. That I’m waiting for him to get laid first (its not his first time though). Oh well you know what I mean. What’s insulting is we had dinner last week and he didn’t even had the guts to tell us. We’re supposed to be best friends. And yet he’s hiding something.

But wait there’s more, a friend from my previous work also got married recently. Pregnant as well and what, she’s only 24. Okay 24 is a suitable age but hey isn’t it a lil too early to settle down after a few months engagement? And lastly, the guy I dated for many months is exchanging vows this weekend, and I’m attending. I’m happy for him though since I don’t see a future for us (give us 15 minutes and we’d be chewing each other’s heads off). Which leaves me to ponder which path am I going to? I’m trapped between being choosy and being picky. Hmmmm… is there a difference? I don’t think so. That’s because I can't see myself settling for someone I just met or any guy who comes along. He has to be special. There has to be a “chemistry” between us. Otherwise I won’t be comfortable thinking I settled for someone less than what I am looking for. Sure there are thousands of guys there but not one is my match. Or maybe I have to dig deeper to see if there’s a spark. But what if I don’t have a guy cut out for me? Whaaaaat? U tell me while I continue this journey to spinsterdom.