ramblings of a semi-scandalous mind

Why does a man take it for granted that a girl who flirts with him wants him to kiss her - when, nine times out of ten, she only wants him to want to kiss her?
-anna scott, notting hill

Dan: Didn't fancy my sandwiches?
Alice: Don't eat fish.
Dan: Why not?
Alice: Fish piss in the sea.
Dan: So do children.
Alice: I don't eat children either.
-closer

alice: Lying is the most fun a girl can have without taking her clothes off... but it's better if you do
-closer

larry: Don't say it! Don't you fucking say I'm too good for you. I am, but don't say it.
-closer

kat:I hate the way you talk to me, and the way you cut your hair.
I hate the way you drive my car, I hate it when you stare.
I hate your big, dumb combat boots and the way you read my mind.
I hate you so much it makes me sick — It even makes me rhyme.
I hate the way you're always right. I hate it when you lie.
I hate it when you make me laugh — Even worse when you make me cry.
I hate it that you're not around. And the fact that you didn't call.
But mostly I hate the way I don't hate you — Not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all.
-10 things i hate about you

john: I find you very attractive. Your aggressive moves towards me indicates that you feel the same way, however ritual requires that we engage in a number of platonic activities before we have sex. I am proceeding with those activities when, in point of actual fact, all I really want to do is have intercourse with you as soon as possible. You going to slap me now?
-a beautiful mind

carol: When you first entered the restaurant, I thought you were handsome. And then, of course, you spoke.
-as good as it gets

Oliver Barrett IV: Hey what makes you so sure I went to prep school?
Jennifer Cavelleri: You look stupid and rich.
Oliver Barrett IV: Actually I'm smart and poor.
Jennifer Cavelleri: Uh-uh, I'm smart and poor.
Oliver Barrett IV: What makes you so smart?
Jennifer Cavelleri: I wouldn't go for coffee with you.
Oliver Barrett IV: Yeah well I wouldn't ask you.
Jennifer Cavelleri: Well, that's what makes you stupid.
-love story

Jennifer Cavelleri: You're gonna flunk out if you don't study.
Oliver Barrett IV: I am studying.
Jennifer Cavelleri: Bullshit. You're looking at my legs.
Oliver Barrett IV: You know, Jenny, you're not that great looking.
Jennifer Cavelleri: I know. But can I help it if you think so?
-love story

charlie bellows: If we never see each other again, and one day, you feel a certain presence beside you... that would be me, loving you wherever I am...
- my sassy girl

Julianne: In the beginning it was mostly this prior claim, he belonged to me. But now, when I'm with him, he's just so wonderful. How come I never knew that when I could have had him?
George: It's amazing, the clarity that comes with psychotic jealousy.
-my bestfriend's wedding

Julianne: I have done nothing but under-handed, despicable, not even terribly imaginative things since I got here. But I was... Michael, I was just trying to... to win you. To win you back. But that doesn't excuse any of it. I'm... pond scum. Well, lower actually, I'm like the fungus the feeds on pond scum.
Michael: Lower. The pus that infects the mucus, that cruds up the fungus that feeds on the pond scum... On the other hand, thank you. For loving me that much, that way, it's pretty flattering.
Julianne: Except it makes me fungus.
Michael: Well, that part I knew.
-my bestfriend's wedding

im not sure if im just having hormonal imbalance or ive completely lost my mind (i forgot, this is a given). im planning to propose to my prospective sperm donor..thing is, i dunno how. i mean how do u tell someone that you are serious about having kids and not having a husband.and youre telling this to the person you are proposing to...! not only that, how do u say it in a manner that he'll take u seriously and not have gas laughing about the idea? how about thru text...

or via phone...
me: free ka ba?
sperm donor: huh?
me: makipagsex?
s.d.: hahaha misent! lasing ka ba?

ayan ang nakikinita ko ng scenario knowing him...e kung face to face kaya...

m: busy ka ba?
s.d.: depende.
m: i mean 3Gs. wala ka bang ginagawa, game, girls??
s.d: wala nga e.

ok, nabblanko na isip ko kung ano follow up question!! e kung romantic kaya?naaaaaaaah di ko ata kayang maging romantic sa kanya. sweet pede pa.o kaya daanin ko na lang sa patawa?

m: wanna have coffee then sex?
s.d: huwaaaw! wahahahaha kailan?

maninigas na naman ako kasi di ko lam kung ano isasagot. the problem is, i know i wanna have a baby but i dont know how to go through the process. i think kailangan ko ng sangkatutak na alak. not that it would be an excuse kasi i know what im doing when im drunk. yun nga lang malakas na loob ko. isa pa, pano kung di sha pumayag? kung papayag naman, madami yung kaartehan e. di ako magtataka kung hihingi sha ng floor show o kaya bugbugan muna kami waaaaaaah. yoko ng additional sakit ng katawan. i tried to sleep tapos nanaginip ako. parang favorable naman ang dream ko. nothing sensual really hehehe. i called to unagi to ask what words to use or how to go thru the proposal, not that he's an expert but i think he's the only straight guy left of my close friends.

unagi: seryoso ka ba?
m: oo naman no.alam mo naman yun ang plano ko sa kanya e.
u: bat di sa sunday na lang pagkatapos ng gimik
m: meron ako e, malabo yun. saka ano, free ride?? sabi ko naman sa kanya dati isang beses lang namin gagawin e
u: di naman nagagwa yun ng isang beses
m: eeeeeeh feeling ko naman buntisin(???) ako e, regular ako magkaron e
u: oo nga kaso di ganun kadali yun.
m: yun nga lang. e ngayon pa lang di ko na lam kung pano kami gagawa ng baby.kailangan ko ng alak!kaso di naman madali malasing yun. dati isang vodka kami 2, hanggang the next day sumusuka pa ko pagkagising e. samantalang sha, after nun, inubos pa ang isang san miguel na blue sila nung pinsan niya tapos kinakaladkad pako mag beer ulit.gudlak!
u: ah malakas ba uminom?
m: oo. isa pa un, gagaguhin ako nun pag lasing na ko. baka kung ano2 pa demands kasi dati nung una kong sinabi yung plan ko, sabi niya dapat twice a year magpapractice kami, kasi nga diba in 3 yrs time ko pa balak nung una kong binanggit sa kanya.sabi ba naman para daw di ko hanap-hanapin! haller!?! ako pa pala ang maghahanap. duh?!
u: e pano kung after nung iwasan ka na niya?
m: bat naman miya gagawin yun?
u: may ganung lalaki e.
m: di mabuti.di sha makikialam sa pagpapalaki ko ng baby ko. baka pati pangalan makialam sha e. gusto ko 4 leter name lang para di hirap magsulat. gusto ko sana name niya pero ayoko ng junior! (lahat ata ng junior na kilala ko naging wasted youth hahaha). di din naman ako hihingi ng kung ano sa kanya.
u: e pano kung di pumayag?
m: aawayin ko sya, para konting sperm lang pagdadamot pa, e ang dami na niyang nasayang sa tissue, kama, cr o kung san man nagsitalsikan ang mga nilabas niya dati.
u: hahaha yun pala e.tingin mo papayag?
m:pumayag naman sha dati e. nung niretract ko na yung pact, tinanong lang niya kung bakit. tapos napagusapan lang namin nung lumabas kami nina jude a few months ago.
u: e di sa card mo sabihin para di nakakahiya
m: never naman ako nahiya sa kanya e kahit gaano pa ka bastos ang usapan di naman kami naiilang.ang corny ng card ha, ano manliligaw?
u: e di ganito, lahat ng sasabihin mo lagay mo sa card tapos suksukan mo ng condom!
m: duh?! condom e gusto ko nga magkababy e!
u: di yung butas na condom lagay mo
m: eeeeeh
u: basta text moko kung ano mangyari sa pagpropropose mo ha...

If all the world and love were young,
And truth in every shepherd's tongue,
These pretty pleasures might me move
To live with thee and be thy love.

-Sir Walter Raleigh
The Nymph's reply to the Sheperd

i'm in love, for the nth time i guess hehehe. i watched the ugly truth and fell for gerard's character mike, whose cynicism about love embodies most (heart-broken) people's perception of how relationships get fucked up eventually. he's the "get it down and dirty" type of guy, who evntually falls for an anal retentive control freak, abby, catherine heigl's character. ive graduated from chick flicks but i enjoyed this one. it's nice to see guys at a loss for words sometimes. the dancing part was sexy but the elevator moment was sexier!i always have those awkward moments when you want to do something stupid. im just afraid i'll regret it the next day, or worse, immediately after. heniways, a day went by and there i was, watching gerry again in tomb raider 2. it was unintentional, my homies chose it over tomb raider 1. i was in for a big surprise...his bod resembles king leonidas' but the face was, well, softer. or should i say hotter! it was smaller, "less muscled" if i may say so. which also reminds me of a beefy version of matthew fox.

another love of my life is clive owen. i love him in closer.especially the part he's begging for julia to stay with him and began crying. i havent cried watching a love story i cant relate with;very seldom. but seeing him cry, i cried on cue. his character larry seemed to be the guy i could spend my whole life with: funny,smart, good looking, not to mention sexy. he exudes raw sexuality. he's not as good-looking as most action stars but he's just sexy. perhaps it's the smile or how he talks. i only discovered now that a guy's voice or accent makes him sexy. i started noticing gerard when i saw him in P.S. I love you. the accent made me melt. even with jeffrey dean morgan's character, william. i like irish better, i think, even if i dont really understand what they're saying hahaha. tutal if my dreams come true, i won't let them talk anyway.

i told dax about it and being the pervert that he is, our conversation went from just a plain profession of my feelings to oh well a different story.

m: im in luuuuuuuurve
d: wat? agen?
m: nalilito ako between clive and gerard. pero id take them in a heartbeat if they ask me to have a wild steamy sex with them!
d: hahaha kahit sabay sa p*p* at sa p*et?
m: im sorry i dont do 3somes. ill get confused who to moan for...
d: ay tabla!
m: di ako pwede sa ganun malilito ako. must be the weather. kung ano2 naiisip ko.
d: bad yan!
m: dahil walang action??? hmmm i could go to london and be clive's concubine or to new york to be gerard's effing whore..am i brilliant or wat???
d: or wat!?!

i told unagi about it and he said " ang halay naman". told him he's always been a pervert and im used to it. he's not the shy type hahaha.rereypin ko na yun e! then he said "try mo...baby time!!". told him im just thinking of the right words but i fell asleep hahaha. i woke up sad. i didnt even see gerry and clive in my dreams, instead i saw eddie garcia with 3 wives. parang mala-dynasty ang setting ng panaginip ko. awayan ng mga misis ni eddie garcia. too bad i cant remember everything hehehe. buti na lang di ako kasma sa cast!

i got to the office 45 minutes earlier than my shift. i lil groggy due to lack of sleep, i was greeted by male colleagues who teased "aba, himala ang aga mo ah" to which i replied, "ulol lagi akong maaga, pag hindi, ibig sabihin di nako papasok! hahaha"

they laughed and started talking about me as if im not there.

nicholo: yan ang magandang girlfriend, cool na cool!yun nga lang pag nagkamali ka bugbog agad! (laughter)

i pretended not to hear them and faced my slower than molasses pc. the conversation continued until i heard the words angelina jolie, suabe, and Assasin. thinking they were referring to my kinda guy...

maharot: ha? di ako mahilig sa bad boys no.gusto ko lang manly.
benjie: ano?
m: ano bang pinaguusapan nyo? yung type kong guy?
nichollo: hinde! sabi namin, ikaw yung tipong matapang, yung parang pang action movie na spy o kaya mala angelina jolie type na babae sa movies
m: so ako pala yung Assasin? sorry, more of a serial killer hahaha.

hmmm i forgot to thank them for the angelina likeness ( i know it's not in the looks department, but i get the drift). pero medyo napaisip ako. mukha pala akong assasin??? not that im bothered since they (nichollo, jessie and benjie) are not prospects and they're all happily taken and not my "bet" too. i know im intimidating but i never liked guns.not when i was in the navy and definitely not now. i did some shooting from rifles and .45 caliber, and i could disassemble both in a considerable amount of time ( it was a requirement for an anti-terrorist course i took back then). but contrary to public opinion, i didnt get tough because i was a soldier. i barely left the office, aside from that month long training i had. back in elementary, i would pick fights with boys, be friends with them.

i was never the "girlie" type, more like one of the boys. boys would fall in line just to play with me and my friend shei (o huwag madumi ang utak, magaling kami magsipa, the one with thick washers aka tingga). black magic, tulpit - that's what we call it when you can kick the washer for more than 15-20 meters away. i can hit it with my elbow, knees or the part of the arm that bends- humerus, but i do it best using my left foot, which seemed strange since im right handed. i dont know how it's called, ambidextrous is for the hands. ah basta all i know is that im usually ambivalent hahaha.

i really dont know what caused my so-called "toughness". perhaps it started when i was hanging out with boys early on. initially (that's after i realized that there's more to childhood than talking to yourself hahaha. i was an only child back then and i never had an imaginary friend, so i talk to myself teehee), i have 3 friends who are cousins, chris and charlie, and chris' sister tin. usually the games we play are for boys. tin though, being 5 years ahead of me got conscious so she stopped playing rough games with us. i was then left with the boys. when we transferred to manila, we used to play chato/shato, tatsing (touching? hehe) and roleplaying bioman characters. we're 5: shei, carrie, anton, rich and yours truly. since bioman only has 2 girls, shei and carrie would fight over who pink 5 will be. since at that age i already resent conflict, i opted to be blue 3. anton and rich fought a lot about who will be red 1, so i dont have any choice. im taller than all of them and very lanky at that. no boobies at all (i was 11), so i dont have any trouble taking the role meant for a boy. during that time we had a pool in the village so my dad would bring me there to practice swimming. most fathers would like a junior. unfortunately, i only looked like one. but it didint stop my dad from teaching me guy stuff. from picking on bullies to lighting a cigarette (he was checking if i know how in college). i remember when i was 9 or 10 he asked me if someone bullies me at school. i said no one ( im not the type you wanna bully, im friendly back then). he insisted that if someone made a mistake of pushing me around, i should get a small rock and hit their head with it. how's that for my first lesson for self defense. more like my father would like me to have my first trip to the precinct. anyway, at 11, i was diving like crazy on a 6ft pool with my 4' something height. having flat chest is an advantage hehehe. it doesnt hurt too much pag plakda ang dive! i was also educated in an exclusive school in high school. not that it contributed more to my being boyish. never had any homosexual flings though. im not very active socially. i have a fair share of friends, mostly girls. no make that all girls. it was only in college when i met guys, babsy and pogi who became my roomies. my other set of friends consists mostly of guys: brandy, romeo, xander, stevie, berdie, licky, janus, mikhail and leeyow.

i remembered some comments i got before, which usually comes up when i begin asking friends why im not hitched. my imagination begin to spin a documentary or some sort of a survey where respondents answer the dreaded question : Why is maharot on the road to spinsterdom?

babsy: mahirap ligawan si johnny (his nickname for me), masunget!
barney: nanapok yun e pag ninakawan ng halik!believe me, namaga ilong ko e!
iron: ah e kakatakot e. kahit nga ngayon na nakakausap ko na sha natatakot pa din ako e!
dax: di sila uubra!wahahaha
rc: parang ang saya niyang gf, kaya lang nakakatakot e. parang mananapok lagi.
unagi: di sha "manageable" na gf...
jude: di kasi approachable ang lola nyo!
ruthie: uhmm kasi harsh siya???
athena: nakakatakot magalit si ati!!!
jerry: parang mata ko lang walang latay pag nahuli niya ko nagfflirt...
mikhail: she look unavailable and uninterested. very intimidating i must say....
brandy: a misandryst biaaaatch...peace sistaaah!
romeo: susuka yan sa kotse pag nilasing nyo.
leeyow: mabigat yan pag nagpabuhat na,kaya wag papainumin!
pogi: katakot e kahit good mood hahaha

well that's the not so wholesome part, but i bet they have more to say if i ask them about my good traits.... right guys?

hey...where did everyone go???

WHAT DO I DO
Nyoy Volante
Acoustics: Nyoy With Mannos [2003]

INTRO

What would you do if I told you that
All that I do's think of what we had
What would you do if I'm not the friend I used to be
Well, at least, not to me

REFRAIN 1
'Cause I can't get over all the times you stay
Get crazy, jealous every time you're away
Now I'm someone different from the one you knew
Had nothing to feel for you, to feel for you

CHORUS
What do I do
I keep calling out your name
What do I do
I got no one else to blame
What do I do
Every time I hold your hand, it's not the same
What do I do
I think I fell in love with you

What can I do, what can I say
Everything keeps changing every night, every day
Every word so diff'rent, every touch so real
Every glance and every look reveals the way I feel

No, it's never ever gonna be the same
When we hug for warmth from the cold of the rain
Yet I'm not gonna move on, not gonna change
Though I find it hard to say, baby

[Repeat CHORUS]

BRIDGE
I don't know what to do
I'm fallin' more for you
Baby, please tell me...

[Repeat CHORUS]

CODA
Ooh oh
What do I do

jigs: tagay mo na, may lagnat na yan! pucha, kung ayaw mo ako na lang! sabay inom)

• **parang gusto ko lagnatin, magkabulutong kaya ako ng 2 weeks habang nandito si denise?hmmmm not bad!ang galing ko talaga magisip! good job!

hyubs: alangya e ininom mo din e! dayaan na toooo! minsan lang dumating ang labs ko e, lalamangan mo pako! tagayan moko ulit! naknam!

denise: tama na yan sweetie, uwe na tayo, pagod ako sa flight e. jigs wag mo na sha painumin, tapusin nyo na yan.

last night na to, pramis! mula grade 3, sidekick nako ni hubert. bert pa palayaw niya nun kaso nung nauso si hyubs na kahawig daw ni hubert webb, pinalitan na din niya ang palayaw namin. para daw cool. kaya mula sa diego, naging jigs ako. mabait naman din si kumag. para na kaming magkapatid, lahat ng sa kanya, akin na din. kung pwede ko lang hingiin si denise baka ibigay nito e. haaay denise, unang araw pa lang sa Bio class naninikip na dibdib ko sa yo. yun nga lang, torpe ako. kakabalik lang niya galing sa canada. nurse siya dun e.
pero kahit pa naging lap dancer siya ok lang sakin.

hyubs: teka muna labs, ngayon lang tayo magkikita-kita ulit e. tagal ko ng di nakakasama tong bespren ko. huli ko tong nakita nung hinatid ka namin sa airport. tapos di nako masyado tinatawagan sa bahay. nauso na ang facebook at twitter,wala pa din!

jigs: alam mo namang di ako techie e.wala akong alam jan pare.

hyubs: palusot ka pa.sabihin mo nagpapayaman ka na para sa mapapangasawa mo.

denise: ay binata ka na ha!di man lang nagkkwento.

jigs: wala pa no.

ang totoo wala, kasi walang pag-asa na magustuhan ako ng mahal ko. kasi may iba na shang mahal. at hanggang nandyan ka hyubs, walang patutunguhan ang pag-iipon ko.

hyubs: boooooo ayaw pang aminin! kung ako lang may naipon na papakasal na din ako e. dahil sha lang ang nagiisa sa buhay ko! naks!

oo naiintindihan ko, sha din ang nagiisa sakin....

eversince, lapitin na ko ng mga suspicious characters.
fortunately, i have an innate talent of driving them away; too bad, i drive even the prospective preys away, as well. every so often i find men, mostly unavailable, hitting on me. since a have an intimidating presence, they find subtle ways to approach me. among them, one man stands out. lets call him DOMeng, which would seem appropriate for his age bracket. Domeng even looks older than my dad. he's a tad though, only half my dad's height. what struck me was that he was always looking from afar. i used to mistake him for another DOM, daddy jules who is from another account. Domeng is also from another account so im not really familiar with him other than him eyeing me all the time during yosi breaks. we've had chance encounters a few months back, hi's and hello's, and once, to clarify that he is not daddy jules. daddy jules is daddy ned and daddy rick's friend, both oldies are my teamates, so we've had our share of chicka sessions while puffing cancer sticks. going back to old domeng; i was soul searching in mars so my mind was elsewhere when he approached me. upclose, you can see he's had decades (more like 6) of summers. he has huge eyebags which reminds me of teroy de guzman. often, he would ask me how my shift was, but today was different. he approached me after finishing his stick and said:

dom: parang ang sarap mong magyosi.
me: huh? (di ba paakyat ka na 'tay?)
d: ikaw, parang ang sarap mo humithit (while looking intensely into my sleep-deprived eyes)
m: (WTF!) antok po kasi ako
d: parang you're always one with your yosi
m: (smiles, di ko nagets yun e)
d: pauwe ka na ba?
m:hindi po, first break pa lang.
d: pauwe na ako e.
m: ah maaga kayo pala nagstart. 2:30 am ako e
d: nako masarap matulog niyang ganyang oras. hanggang anong oras ka pa?
m: 11:30
d:ayan o ang sarap mo talagang magyosi. lagi kitang tinitingnan e (patay tayo jan!) parang ang sarap magyosi pag nakikita kita
m: hehehe (labas sa ilong) bad influence pala ako.
d: di naman masarapa lang talaga
mparang nabitin ang sentence ang pangit tuloy pakinggan!) hahaha (awkward!!) sige po akyat na ko.
sumabay pa din si lolo!kaloka sha ha!buti ibang elevator na.

while chatting the afternoon away with jude and jay, i received a text message from dax saying he'll drop by to take a quick bath before he goes to his dentist. i've taken a bath just before that so i was slumped on the floor sans brassière so i got up automatically and put one on. as a warning he shouted before he got to the door which startled me. my new roomie "aimee" thinks he's ok and that i should go for it. i just shrugged and smiled sweetly (sweetly daw?). after taking a bath he was telling me that he was on leave for three weeks due to flu and hypertension..

me: huwaaaaaat? 3 weeks? kamusta ka naman? yun pa yung di ka pumasok nung last time?
dax:oo. ayaw akong pabalikin e ang taas lagnat tapos ayaw nung cardiologist. kung wala akong fit to work from cardio, di pwede pasok.
m: sows style mo ha. ang sarap nun 3 weeks! ako din nga hehehe magiinarte ako!
d: yan naman e wala ka talagang tiwala sa kin (sad face)
m: aaaaw of course not. i believe you! (hugs him while he's putting on his shoes, di man lang pinatapos)
d: kaasar hahaha
m: plastic ba? hahaha
d: tara punta tayo dentist ko at papakainin tuloy kita.
m: yey! gwapo ba dentist mo?
d: oo naman.
m: pota pag yan DOM ha!
======
at the dentist clinic....

he asked me to wait while he had his teeth cleaned. while waiting chinika ko ang receptionist..her name is len.
m: sino ang dentist niya? ( all the diplomas on the wall have female names on them)
l: ah si doc katrina po.

hmmm kaya pala boses babae lang naririning ko. at nakikipagbolahan pa. magaling! magaling!
i texted him...
m: ang gwapo ng dentist mo ha!
d: hehehe
m: nawewet ako niyan!

after the check up...
d: tagal ba?
m: di naman.
d: nagpahot-oil ako sa loob e.
m:saan? (gullible? natatanga na naman ako ha)
d: dun o sa loob...natawa ako sa tinext mo.
m: kalandian mo!
d: ano..pwede ba un?
m: hinde. lapad mukha.
d: saka petite no?
m: oo di ka mahilig sa petite.
d: hahaha tara daan tayo sa nike.

----sa kahabaan ng ayala

d: ano ba yan ang dami mong buhangin! (sabay pagpag na parang hinahagod ang likod ko kung makakiskis)
m: anong buhangin? ginagago mo ba ko??
d: ayan o ang dami! pati jan o (sabay turo sa dibdib ko)
m: ooops! ako na ha! kaya ko na pagpagin yan
d: hahaha
m: lint po yan kasi napasama siguro sa puti (i was wearing a black blouse)
d: ayun o! gusto mo jan kain?

m: saan? krispy kremes? ayoko jan di ako mahilig sa sweets. kaya nga di ako sweet e
d: weh?
m: oo nga.
d: tara!
m: ayoko!
d: e san pala?
m: sa cash and CURRY na lang
d: hahaha curry talaga!
m: op kors! ayan hinahanap nako ng kasiping ko!
d: ha? sino?
m: si alyanna!
d: ah oo nga pala katabi kayo ng kama.sabihin mo kain tayo!
m: ayoko baka kumanta pa yun
d: bat kakanta?
m: kasi tinutukso ko sha e e nung dumating ka sa bahay dati, tinukso niya din ako
d: kelan?
m: nung dun ka natulog.nandun pala sila sa baba, di natin namalayan na dumating. tapos rinig na rinig ni dark ang mga sigaw ko mula sa cr!pagbaba ko kinakantahan na ko ni alyanna ng "be still my heart..." tapos nung nagsindi ako ng yosi sabi ni dark, "after sex, you smoke!" kutusan ko nga d ko napigil e. nahiya ako. sabi ko di naman tayo nagsex
d: wahahahaha talaga?
m: gago yun e
d: si alyanna musta naman?
m: ayun sad
d: bakit?
m: basta....pramis ha (extending my middle finger intead of the pinky which i did with bab; sometimes ruthie)
d: ano yan?
m: magpramis ka (i pulled his middle finger and entwined it to mine) na di tayo magaaway dahil lang sa babae o lalaki! yung babae ko, akin lang hahahaha
d: hahaha pramis
m: alam mo ba pinagtatalunan ka namin ni unagi.
d: nino????
m: si unagi nasa bahay sha nung nagtext ka na punta kami ni jude sa inyo e.
d: ah ok. ano sabi niya?
m: na love daw kita. sabi oo naman love ko sha. sabi niya hindi! inlove ka sa kanya!
d: kanino daw?
m: sayo! sabi ko hindi no.sabi niya natatakot lang daw ako. kasi daw takot ako magtake ng chance.hmph!sabi ko perfect tayo kaya sayang naman. sabi niya "at bakit sha perfect??"
d: hahaha affected?
m: di naman. weno naman? la nang use un ngayon no. nambubuwisit lang yun.
d: hahaha un lang!
-------------sa teriyaki girl, in between sobbing and sniffing over the uber-hot wasabi

d: gusto kong mag-abroad sabi ko nga kay em (friend niya) sasama nako japan tapos magpapatable ako sa mga babae dun, kakandong ako!tangenang anghang (luhaan!)
m: ang laki mo no, ambigat mo kaya hahaha
d: kaso ayoko naman galawin savings ko para punta dun. pambili ko yun bahay sana e.
m: naks!loan ka. mag pag-ivig ka kaya!
d: ano yun? hahaha
m: di ko na uulitin wahahaha
d: hinde nga? ano un???? hehehe
m: ayaw! wag ka nga makialam. wala sa vocabulary ko ang word na yan kaya di ko mapronounce ng maayos wahahaha di nako naniniwala jan. sakit lang sa ulo!
d: pagivig pala ha.sabi nga sakin wag kang pipili ng di mo kasundo o di mo makausap kasi pagtanda di na kayo magsesex! so dapat pili ka ng someone na makakausap mo.
.....silence....
m: ang anghang! napadami wasabi ko!
d: minsan dad's tayo sa megamall! sama natin si art!
m: sige. kakalimutan ko diet ko! hahaha
may babaeng dumaan...
m: maging tibo na lang kaya ako? kaso di ko kayang kumain ng tahong e!
d: hahaha tara kuha tayo babae. tapos kikiss ko muna tapos ikaw naman!
m: heh! tigil! gusto mo lang threesome e yoko no.
d: pramis manonood lang ako!!!
m: no way!tara na bayad na.
d: ako na...
m:nakakahiya naman sayo. di pang soseng's ang presyo hahaha
d: hehehe tara titingin tayo ng shoes...
m: saka brief! para sa basketball mo tom.
d: di na siguro uwe na lang ako. hatid kita, kuha ko bag tapos bukas ulit pag sinipag ako.
m: kaya ka nagkakasakit e. ayaw mo magpahinga.
d: un lang exercise ko e.pakinggan mo to (insomnia)
m: o ano yan?
d: naaalala kita jan.
m: bakit?
d: nung sumasayaw ka sa bar kasama natin si jude. (while craig is singing the chorus, he was dancing my steps)
m: hahaha very good kabisado mo na yan ah.
d: oo no, kinukwento ko sa kanila to e. tawa ako ng tawa pag naririnig ko to naalala kita lagi.
m: hehehe lalo pag nakita mo si athena sumayaw hahaha mas matigas pa sa katawan ni jude!
d: natawa ako dun sa tinitingnan nyong sumasayaw. alam nyo agad na bakla hahaha

i texted unagi on our way home. i said i was cured!

u: cured?
m: di nako affected sa kanya
u:la ka bang pasuk?
m: meron e dumating sha e so bonding time!
u: may ganun?
m: uu lagi naman e. pinakain niya ko. di lang 170 ang binayad niya hahahaha

di na sumagot. when we got home, alyanna was there waiting.

m: marz!!!! nandito nako. (sabay dinaganan ko sha)
a: san kayo galing? hi dax!
d: musta ka na?pumapayat ah!nagdadrugs (diet pills) ka pa ba?
a: tagal na hindi
d: so di ka na nagagalit pag madumi bahay? hahaha
a: sira ka!hehehe kaw din pumapayat
m: ayan naman sige bolahin ang isat isa!
d: ano uwe nako?
m: okies tenchu!
d: hmmmmm (hugs n kisses)

a: nagpipigil lang ako ha! (humming "we could be in love")
m:hahaha sira!alam niya yun.inunahan na kita bago ka pa kumanta. kinwento ko na din kasi yung kinakantahan kita kasehodang nakatapis lang ako. tawa sha ng tawa. ayan,di ako inaantok nahawa nako sa kanta ni craig....

when a series nears its end, viewers cant help but feel excitement, curiousity, sadness and sometimes disappointment. excitement of new twists, curiousity of how it will end (always a happy ending if its pinoy hehehe), sadness that you wont see them everyday and of course disappointment when it doesnt end the way you want it to. such is the case in our house. two of my beloved roomies has been battling with their inner demons (im not sure if that would be suitable). i may not know the whole shebang but i could detect a rift. and what do people fight about if not love? well, some, money, others, irreconcilable differences (annulment lang?). i know there's a long list but indulge me on this one: it's LOVE. this overused noun, which makes the world go round, has taken it's toll on my two homies. like an age-old telenovela, two friends fight over one lucky bastard (he's quite nice actually). as usual, one would be the bestfriend and the other would be bestfriend's friend (in this case roomate). hay, ang hirap mainlab!!! hahahaha

it was one frustrating afternoon. like a platform diver suspended in mid air, my heart beat skipped (tried it just once, think i lost conciousness for a few seconds, i swear) while my eyes were fixed on the screen.

girl: bat ka ba depressed jan? pag di sila naniwala pag nagsabi ka ng seryoso, leave 'em. they're not worth it. naks!!
boy: ikaw na e...
girl: ang ano?
(almost at the same time, after minutes of waiting, it popped on the screen)
boy: ang pinakamakulit!
girl: ang pinakamagaling mag-advise??
girl: hahaha alam ko na yan e sabi din nila im gorgeous at sexy, and i believe them!not to mention, batang-bata!!!wahahaha

..after what seems like forever, no reaction. i tried calling unagi just to vent. when he didnt answer, i tried anakin.

anakin: o ano nangyari?bakit?
me: kakainis e! kala niya ata maatat ako na kulitin sha hmph!
anakin: sino naman yo?
me: sino pa!
anakin: hehehe pinapag-isip ka lang nun!
me: kala niya ha! papayat ako niyan kakaisip, pero never akong magsasabi!
anakin: tingin ko pareho lang kayo ng iniisip.siguro takot din yun.pareho ng kinakatakot mo.
me: ewan!

i took a shower and when i got out i heard my phone ringing. unagi was calling.

unagi: ano nangyari?bat ka tumawag?
me: naiinis lang ako kasi mukhang siyang sira.
unagi: ano?
me: teka kakaligo ko lang e nagsusuot pa ko panty!magheadset ako..ayun nga blah blah blah (same thing i told anakin)
unagi: baka kasi binabara mo?
me: hindi nu! nagbigay na nga ako ng hint na sabihin niya ng maayos e saka tinanong ko naman sha kung bat sha depressed di ba?
unagi: ayusin mo kasi ang sagot mo.
me: naloloka na ko ang weird dun e di ko maimagine na bf ko sha!
unagi: ano??
me: alam mo yun, ok lang ako sa kulitan namin, dating if you call it "dating" like dinner or lunch together, movies, inom. hell, i can even sleep beside him in a spoon position and i dont care.pero yung parang magdyowa parang weird yun. and yet papayag akong maging tatay sha ng baby ko di ba. the sex part will be hard though but manageable i hope.
unagi: be, papatingnan na kita! ang weird mo
me: i know pero di ko talaga maisip, na may ganun relationship between us. nasanay na ko sa ganito. kasi never ko nga sha naisipan ng mag naiisip ko lately except sa part na babymaker.
unagi: e di maghintay ka.bat ba di mo maisip na kayo?
me: hindi ko nga alam. naweiweirdan lang ako sa idea and yet naiisip ko naman sha waaaaaaaah
.....................hence 10 bits kasi di ko lam ang ending

they say "an idle mind is the devil's workshop"
how i wish the devil would find work elsewhere. whenever im left alone or not busy chatting, i would automatically go into a pensive mode. in all the years i fell and failed in love, this is the only time i got scared. im afraid to get hurt, that's a known fact, but not afraid to fall and wait for the right time the person will fall for me. i can be very patient, y'know.but this time, even the thought of it makes me paranoid. i always tell people that it's better to be honest and tell the person how you feel and fail in the process than not even trying. yet i cant practice what i preach. i need to be sure first if i really like him, because if it's just lust, i wont tell him anymore.kasi la din naman akong gagawin. bihira naman ako topakin na makipagmake-out. kung meron man, old flames lang o once, parang nadugo2 gang lang ako hahaha. yung di sadya pero di ko alam kung bakit may naganap na milagro, in the first place.
haaay. parang laging may slide show sa utak ko of the "aaaaw" moments that we have. worst, it would be manifested in my dreams. like one time i woke up crying coz in my dreams he was telling me how he really felt all these years. i just cried, as in hagulhol. and was asking him if he doesnt want to be friends anymore. kasi feeling ko, i wont be special anymore. na he would start lying to me about his escapades to avoid fights (which is normal kung magdyowa na kayo). alangan namang ok lang na may mga fubu sha na iba while kami da bah?kamusta naman yun? in fairness to him, kaya naman niyang maging faithful. ang tanong: hanggang kailan yun considering we wont be having sex (well, ideally, matatagalan kasi dapat comfy na ko na makita shang walang saplot and vice versa plus the "pain" factor na more of fear talaga).aaaargh i hate this feeling.
ewan ko pa kung talagang gusto ko sha kasi di ko talaga maimagine na bf/gf relationship ang meron kami. parang gusto ko lang cuddling (with clothes) o kulitan lang like we always do. masaya sana kung sha nga ang magiging sperm donor ko. imagine the family day we would be having. baka mas makulit pa kami sa bata. o mga sportsfest involving parents. o di ba ang cute? ayan kung ano2 na naman ang naiisip ko. tingin ko kailangan ko na magsimba. hmmm perhaps that's what ill do later. it works for me e.

since i had my baby , afternoons became busier. im trying to learn new stuff, application softwares, chatting away, browsing and downloading torrents.of these all, i enjoy chatting most coz i can get in touch with friends from outer space and some local friends. it's my friend unagi whom i always chat with every so often. sabi ko nga he's a charm kasi whenever we're chatting dax would always get in the picture at ibubuzz ako, without me tellin him im online.

it's good that we're friends again, unagi and me. sabi nga ni jude ay parang role reversal lang ito hahaha. yes sha ang gustong bugbugin ni dax para matauhan hahaha. though they're not friends, he's seen him once. kaya naman bet niya ako iuuntog hahahaha. wala na shang alam insultuhin kundi si unagi hehehe pero joke lang naman para bwisitin ako. and lately, baligtad na kasi si dax na ang topic at ang love guru e si unagi. minsan nagulat ako kasi he asked me a question..

unagi: minahal mo ba ako kahit minsan (or something)
me: oo naman
u: hindi platonic ha
m: oo naman

end of story....

actually laging ganun.parang bitin.magtatanong pero la follow up.kaya siguro di naging kami despite years of waiting.nabingkong na ang tenga ni dax tuwing magkikita kami noon.i guess that's one of the factors why we're tight. ang walang sawa niyang pakikinig sa mga hinaing ko sa non-existent lovelife ko. or ang pagiinarte ko pag pinipilit niya kong gawin ang mga malalaswa niyang plano (not necessarily between the 2 of us). or minsan kami lang 2 masaya na kami kahit walang special na ginagawa. like walking in the rain (one of my favorite moments) like kids, ksi yung tig-50 pesos na payong lang yun kaya nililipad. nauwe, wet kami (kaming 2 ha, as in basa sa ulan).

in fairness to unagi, we've had our share of happy memories. i've always thought na courting involves harana, pagsisibak ng kahoy at pag-iigib ng tubig. may time na i would visit him sa province and the only source of water is tadaaaaan

u: be, wag ka na maligo
m: mainit e
u: kakaligo mo lang ah
m: kanina pa yun no

he would concede eventually, otherwise, i'd throw a fit. and you won't want to see me in that state. nevertheless, he would still enjoy my company (or pretend to) kahit sukahan ko pa sha.minsan half of his bod was covered with vomit (or what's left of my lunch), not only that, pati shoes soaked with, you know.
and yet, when i apologized, he accepted my apology like it wasnt a big deal. kung si dax yun, he would say "hu u?" daw sa text at kakalimutan na niya ko hahaha. he'd (dax) also be amazed on how i can live without sex.

d: ano ginagawa nyo pag magkasama kayo?
m: movies, inom, malling. parang tayo din lang.
d:mahina pala yun e
m: nirerespeto lang niya ko.lagi na lang ganun.lahat na lang nirerespeto ako. minsan naman bastusin nyo ko!
d:tara!
m: sira hahaha
d: ang tyaga mo din e.ang layo kaya nun
m: masaya na ko dun e. kahit magkatabi lang kami manood ng tv.basta kasama ko lang sha. yung parang ayaw mo matapos yung araw kasi you'll miss his presence.
d:i wont.
m; alam ko di mo sha gusto. im not tempted to do anything nasty with him yet basta lang masaya pag magkasama kami.i guess it's not physical.
d:MALAMANG!
m: heh magtigil ka.alam ko ayaw mo sa kanya.pero gusto ko sha!mahal ko sya! hahaha (monologue sessions ko yan.ate vi mode lang, na usually sha ang audience)
d: eeew
m: ano ka ba. minsan naiisip ko kung kumain na ba sha knowing his situation dun kasi abandoned nga ang drama niya.pano kung la na sha pagkain? ang payat nga niya nung nagkita kami e. kawawa naman.inaway ko pa.di talaga ako sweet. ang funny dun mas sweet pa sa kin ang mga guy friends ko.
d: e puro kasi bakla!
m: hahaha di sila.yung mga straight. si bab sweet yun. bubuhatin niya ko pag ayoko na maglakad.
d: si bab? di ko maimagine na sweet yun (they were teammates in college)
m: sa loob lang ng court mukhang maangas yun, pero sa labas, softie sha. ikaw sweet ka naman ah. minsan nga naiisip ko mas sweet pa ko sayo kasi i never cling to him while walking. di din uso sa min ang beso2 o hugging. except sa pagtulog kasi di ako nahihiyang dantayan sha.
d: style mo ha!
m: ulol. never ko shang hinarass no.
d: e di ba tinali mo na sha?
m: hahaha natandaan mo pala yun.muntik nako dun ha
d: mahilig ka kasi magmakaawa. kung ako yun, giba na ang babae.
m: kaw yun. manyak!hahaha
d: ay nako. bat di mo tanungin?
m: para ano? di nga niya kayang sabihin e. ayoko pagsisihan yun balang araw na kaya naging kami e dahil niligawan ko sha. saka di ko kaya. alam mo naman ang pride. kung di sha magsasabi, wag na lang.
d: narinig ko na yan! pero gusto mo pa din sha?
m: oo naman. pero di ako magsasabi. ang gusto kong lalaki may bayag.ayoko nung naghihintay ng chance na yung babae pa manligaw.
d: ang point dun e gusto mo pa din sha.
m: sino magkakampi?
d: syempre tayo, pangit yun e (hugs)

parte na rin ng afternoon delights ko ang mag-iiyak.a few weeks back, yun ang tema ng hapon ko. di ko matanggap na baka im falling for him. i know ive been comtemplating about it especially when i was trying to move on. i always tell ruthie pag pauwe na kami na what if sha na lang (hindi si ruthie ha). na sana magkagusto na lang ako sa kanya. kaso ayun nga, di ko naman matanggap.sabi nga, "be careful what you wish for". now, im scared shit of it. kahit sa pagtulog umiiyak ako. kasi di ko alam kung ano gagawin ko if ever. im content na sa honest relationship. kasi pag sakali, he wont tell me everything. unlike now na pag tinanong ko sha, he would tell me flat out ang sagot sa tanong ko.he doesnt have to hide kasi no matter what, tag-team kami forever. kahit pa alam niyang papagalitan ko sha, at the end of the day, kami pa din ang magkakampi. minsan naisip ko baka lust lang to. pero bat naman ngayon lang?haaaay kakaloka.feeling ko okay nako.back to basics na ulit.pero i wont forget na, one time, naging part sha ng afternoon delights ko

do you ever get over a loved one? either someone you've loved for a long time, someone you loved deeply, or one who caused you so much pain? i used to think it would have a SCAR reaction (my own words). it would hurt while the wound is still fresh, but after that it would just leave a scar, no pain, but there's something left that would always remind you of the "accident" or whatever you wanna call it. there are many scenarios that could be associated with getting over issues....

kung ako na lang sana....

eto yung medyo one sided. yung ikaw (pa) lang ang nagmamahal. ang masaklap pa minsan, close kayo. ang laging drama jan e ikaw ang takbuhan pag malungkot sya.tapos magsesenti kung bakit iniwan ng dyowa o kaya may iba din shang pinagnanasaan. masakit di ba?kung pwede mo lang sabihin...... "kung alam mo lang kung gaano kita kamahal. na kung bibigyan mo ko ng chance, marerealize mong i'm everything you never thought you've always wanted". ako e, di mo lang ako makita kasi busy ka sa iba

one more chance

mula highschool magdyowa na kayo. on and off, pero alam mong kayo magkakatuluyan. until one day, sya na ang nakipagsplit. kaw naman kampante na babalikan ka pa niya, kasi nga he/she cant live without you. kaso naisip niya pala na he/she cant live with you anymore...sad sad sad. hanggang isang araw nabalitaan mo na may bago na sha. at di pa yun, nakilala lang niya sa chat. no this cant be, pano niya yun mamahalin e di naman sila talaga magkakilala pa? gusto mo sanang gayahin si bea " ako na lang, ako na lang ulit"..... tapos magbibigay ka ng long list of promises about things na alam mong ayaw niyang ginagawa mo at sasabihin mong magbabago ka na, pero dun pa din mauuwe,sa wala. nakamove on na sha pero ikaw hindi pa

typical love story

nagkakilala kayo sa office. mabait, presentable, smart, funny. naging kayo at parang ayaw mo na matapos lahat ng happiness. until one day, malalaman mo na may asawa na sha pero sabi niya hiwalay na sila. until one day, sabi niya babalik daw yung ex niya from the states at gusto shang makita. ano mafifeel mo dun?syempre ano naman ang laban mo e may past sila. you only do the best thing, ang lumayo na lang at magmukmok sa bundok tralala. you just wish him/her well and say you'll be fine. tapos susulat ka kay charo at ipapalabas sha sa maalaala mo kaya..winner.

pusong mamon

bet mo sha since forever. kahit 50 feet away nakikita mo ang ningning sa mata niya na feeling mo e sign ni batman at tinatawag ka. ikaw naman kuntento kana sa pagtingin2 kay kuya kasi shy ka at natatakot kang mabugbog. hanggang dininig ni lord ang pagnonovena mo kay st. jude at miraculously, you became friends. kuntento ka na dun e. yung nakakagimmick mo sha with other friends pero alam mo deep inside that you could be happier kung may chance sana na maging kayo.choosy pa ba sha, e mabait ka naman, kaya mo shang buhayin at kahit pa TOP ka e magpapabottom ka ng bonggang bongga mahalin ka lang niya. pero wait there's more. may paglukso ng dugo kang nafifeel pag kasama mo sha. no hinde yun ang heart mong nagpapalpitate kundi ang malansang amoy whenever he's around kasehodang di naman sha rereglahin ever! hala! isa din pala shang kapatid! ang hinayupak, papatol din lang di pa sayo. gagamitan ka pa ng it's not you it's me. di pa sabihin wiz kita bet. pero syempre dahil love mo sha, ayaw mong isiping pinaasa ka lang niya. and for all he's worth, tatanggapin mo pa din sha pag nagsabi shang it's you all along. aminin mo yan, te!yan ang story of your life. sad but true...

someone's always saying goodbye

ikaw ang taong hindi nababakante. di naman dahil mahilig ka pero you're the type na madali iapproach. di sila magdadalawang isip na magparinig kasi mukha namang di ka mananampal. ang totoo niyan, tama sila. ikaw ang tipo ng babaeng di kayang magwala o maghagis ng gamit. in short, iyakin ka lang. pero ikaw ang epitome ng dreamgirl: mabait, pasensyosa, maasikaso, understanding, adventurous and the list goes on. kaya naman tuwing mageend ang relationship, ikaw ay clueless. ano pa ba naman ang hahanapin nila e daig mo pa ang best friend cum barkada doubled with (parang movie tie-in lang???) yaya, cook, labandera, PA at ibpa. tapos bigla na lang shang manlalamig for no apparent reason kasi di ka naman nagger o warfreak.ok alng sana kung nambababae (NOT!!!) pero yung basta na lang nagbago ang mahirap tanggapin.so tatry mo magmove on at panibagong kalbaryo na naman sa next mong "predator".

ang tanong
pano ka nga makakarecover?

a. maghanap ng iba...
b. wait for it to die a natural death
c. magpakapokpok at lunurin ang sarili sa alak at drugs
d. umiyak at tingnan ang sarili sa salamin
e. maginarteng di affected pero lagi namang tulala
f. MAG-BLOG!!!!!!

ciao.....

that same afternoon, ive been having episodes. i got sacred shit of the possibilities of me falling for HIM (name witheld for no reason at all..drama lang hehehe). i dont give in to peer pressure , and i wont assume either, which i think gives people the impression that im dense or unintersted. cant blame me, i dont want to fall for the wrong reasons. i know pain is inevitable but it would be like plunging into a pool head first without knowing its depth. that would be stupid. or am i? wag nyo ng sagutin kasi rhetorical yun. haaaay.

the other night, while we were having late dinner (or a very early breakfast at 200AM). i saw a couple with a pet sharpei. the dog was cuddly but i wanted a bigger pet. like a lab or rottweiler. i find big things cute, bags, phones, appetite hahaha. then i thought of babies (again). i havent felt so pressured. no one's pressuring me this time, they all gave up reminding me of the ticking clock, my biological clock, that is. cant blame them. i never felt the need then. sure id like to have babies but not yet, i told them. not until that effing sharpei showed up under our table ( during dinner/breakfast).
ruthie told me why dont you try pets first? id love to but when will i have a kid? the risk will be higher if i delay it for another year so it had to be this year or anytime soon....

ruthie: e pano ka nga magbubuntis e ayaw mo naman makipagsex? nanjan naman sha, alam naman niya ang gusto mo...kung ako sayo natry ko na yan matagal na especially kung hinaharass naman niya ko.
me: e ganun lang sha talaga.
r: di mo ba naisip na baka...
m: gusto niya ko?di ko maisip e.kasi kalimitan ng chicks niya mapuputi flawless alam mo yun. very pleasant.di pa din ako mapalagay kahit pa ang type niya daw e morena, tsinita, athletic smart...
r: o kita mo na. baka di mo lang nahahalata..
m: e bat ngayon lang? ang tagal na namin magkakilala e
r: malay mo noon pa di mo lang napansin
m: yeah minsan naiisip ko na ang tyaga niya sa kin,di ko naman nakakalimutan yung mga yun e. kaya ko nga sha love because of that.
r: bat kasi di mo try?
m: di ko maisip kasi kung ano magugustuhan niya sakin e di nga ako "fighter"!! sige isa-isahin natin...

a) dahil ba sa galing kong magprito ng

b) dahil ba sa mahilig ako.......sa rice

c) ang paminsan-minsan kong paghihilik?

d) o ang kamangha-mangha kong talent na gawing korteng heart ang tyan ko???

me: kakailang pa kasi antaba ko na nga.wla na sha alam gawin kundi kilitiin ang ko...

r: ayaw mo naman kasi magrisk.
m: hindi ko kaya. madedepress ako pag nawala sha. sha lang ang nakakapagpasaya sakin ng walang guilt feeling kasi nga platonic kami.
r: walang platonic no!
m: meron, kala mo lang wala pero meron
r: sige sino pa ang friend mong platonic?
m: si raspit saka si andoy! alam ko naman di kami attracted sa isat isa
r: hinde!! at one point im sure nagkaron yan.

yes, i'm afraid im serious...ridiculous right? who doesn't want sex at this day and age? present!!!! i guess im a laaaaaaaaaaate bloomer. i remember having my first MU at the ripe age of 25 and havent had a slightest inkling to visit "establishments" to participate in any rigorous activity. the first time i set foot there was primarily due to curiousity. didnt get any success stories, poor exes. had lotsa fun though

let's get straight to the main point. yes, i want to have a baby/babies. ive always been crazy about kids, being an only child for a long time. id like to say im great with kids, especially the snotty ones and the terrible twos. thing is, i just cant have kids instantly. i dont want to adopt. i want my own kid. and im sure all of you knows how that's done. and that's the thing: I DONT WANT TO HAVE SEX....

i dont have anything against sex, how can i? i havent met sex. but sex has a following. heard many reviews about it, mostly amazing ;-) still it doesnt reassure me that i'd have the same fate as other women before me who enjoyed it. i think i have algophobia. im afraid of pain. physical pain that is. anything that would involve cuts or lacerations, count me out. i used to be afraid of injections. i had to overcome it when i got in the navy since i opt to donate blood (they say it's healthy). but i have a vivid imagination and i cant stand the thought that my hymen will be ripped during reproduction

last sunday, dax, jude and moi went out for a few drinks. supposedly, dax will introduce jude to 2 officemates who're also looking for dates and new friends. fortunately (for the friends or for jude, i dunno really hehehe), the officemates was tired from another gimmick the night before. and then there was three. we started out gimmick with them watching me eat my dinner. just woke up when jude picked me up from the house so i need to eat RICE!!!

after a few drinks, we talked about why we're not hitched yet.
jude: o dax kamusta naman. single ka ba ngayon?
dax: oo march o april pa wala...
j: ganun? e bat wala?
d: wala e.
j: ano bang type mo?
d: dapat gusto na magkababy kasi gusto ko na magstart ng family. saka mature magisip para di na hassle
j: ayun naman pala (sabay tinuhod ako!). o di ba ikaw gusto mko na din magbaby?
me: oo pero magkaiba kami ng gusto. ako kung di ako mahahanap ng prince charming ko, baby lang gusto ko. ayoko ng complications of having a husband.
tawanan... tipsy na kami ni jude e
j: ano ba kasing type mo? give me 5 traits/qualities
m: hmmm syempre matangkad, at least 5'10 o 5'11. smart. funny...nasabi ko na bang smart?
j: oo no
m: hmmm e funny?syempre athletic!saka...
d: e pasok nako sa apat ah

moment of silence... i was thinking e ano naman kung pasok ka sa requirements ko? sabay tuhod ni jude sakin..

m: ano bang panglima? mabait syempre. very general pala.basta kasundo ko keri na yun!

when we got home, i offered him a towel so he could freshen up. he was asking for...
d: wala ka bang boxers?
...... i was thinking "ako nga naiilang isuot sarili kong boxers e...."
m: di kasya sayo (baka magpyesta ang bayan pag nanigas ka sa umaga!)
d: kasya, nagkasya nga sayo e.
m:letse!hahanapan kita ng iba..
d:hahaha

we slept in my single sized bed. as usual his big hands were all over my torso. awkward....

i wiggled a bit (we originally had a spoon position) so i was lying upright when he put aleg between mine, i can hardly breath...(i can hear Jude's voice in my head... AAAAWKWAAAAAARD!). alyanna moved a bit and sat right up and commented:

alyannna: o marz, nag-asawa ka na pala? hehehe
me: oo nga te tinake home ko na
alyanna: hi dax!baba muna ko marz.
chance ko na to!!!!para lumipat ng bed.behaved naman sha till morning.nagbreakfast lang kami ng SPAM.
haaaay...to be continued.