ramblings of a semi-scandalous mind

i missed blogging. for quite sometime now, i've been busy with Buffy aka Dax. yes dear fans, kinarir ko na sha. every weekend at minsan pati weekdays. ang haba ng herrrr ko hahaha. kunyari pa shang makikinood ng tv, e gusto lang naman akong makita ayaw pang aminin. infernez sa kanya, tumutupad sha sa usapan. he doesn't make promises he can't keep.so far ok naman. going back, this entry will showcase (amf parang auction) his lovable traits na noon e naoverlook ko ( o ayokong pantuunan ng pansin)

• he loves to travel. kahit domestic lang (galing las pinas to makati hahaha). nagbeach kami sa batangas at sabi niya, yun daw ang first trip ni baby d (that's what he calls his SUV) aside from his routine trips to his lola and mom in the north.

• he makes me laugh and blush at the same time (when i least expect it)

• he's very optimistic (kayang kaya mo yang training mo, perfect e!)

• he sleeps like a baby. feeling ko talaga maternal love nafifeel ko sa kanya e hahaha

• he's reassuring (masaya naman tayo di ba? naiisip ko tuloy natatakot ka bang di mo ko mapapasaya?)

• he's not the jealous type (bakla yang si Zanjoe!

me: kainis ka, di ako makamove on dun ha!di ako makatulog!grrr
d: ako na lang kasi....
m: ang ano?
d: ang magpupuno ng lahat ng kulang (-aaaaaaw! pero syempre di ko sinabing natuwa ako dun)

• he loves his family. he's a great kuya. kahit puyat na sha, susundin niya ang sister niya pag dumadalaw sa manila, ihahatid at hihintayin sa airport papuntang thailand kasi baka daw pauwiin kasi may lagnat, kawawa naman. he's close to his tita and his cousin. he pays his mom's bills sa credit card every now and then.

• he's thoughtful. dadalhan niya ko ng breakfast pag gutom nako. may extra pa for my homies. he would pick me up then drive me to work kahit maaga ng 2 hours ang shift ko.

• he gets along with my gay friends. di sha naiilang sa kanila. even my straight friends (teamates niya ang best friend ko at mga brods ko nung college. kainuman niya ung isa kong housemate, the inuman lead us to a strip joint one time hehehe)

• my friends like him, gay and straight alike. i was so touched when boy (my brod in my college organization) discovered that i was "dating" him mabait yung si dax. one time nga pinatulog niya ko sa kanila kasi di na ko makauwe wala ng masakyan e.okay yun, mabait. that coming from a guy friend is something.

• he's appreciative

me: maayos naman magluto si jude ng adobo (jude will prepare his famous adobo come sunday for becky's bday bash)
d: mas masarap yung sayo ( i know he's not pulling my leg kasi ang dami niyang nakain, at un pa din ang inulam niya nung midnight...WITH RICE!!! he watches his diet pero di niya napigil)

• he knows how to save --nuff said!sana mahawa ako

• he somehow "tames" me o o ssssssh okay lang yan pag nahihighblood nako. i do the same for him, comedy nga lang.

• he has clean toes

• i like it when he says im hot and sexy even though i know i'm not

• he makes me discover things about myself. things i never thought possible given my personality

• he's naughty

m: im trying my hands at painting
d: why dont you try your hands on my....
m: hmmm great idea hahaha
d: ok.why dont we focus on that idea later hehehe

• he doesnt smoke --he makes me want to be a better person by quitting (kaya ko kaya?!?)

• he's always ready ( o wag bastos)- when we went to the beach may list sha ng dadalhin. naloka ako. parang gusto niya na tumira doon.

• he speaks his mind without being offensive (as if id budge pag nangasar sha)

• i like hugging him...make that LOOOOOOVE. i never enjoyed hugging men as much as i did him. kahit before pa

• i like it when he wraps his arms around me when we sleep

• i dont mind staying on the phone for 30 mins and only talking for 10 mins. most of the time we just listen to the keyboard while sending messages on fb. or just listening to him talking to "baby boy" (that's his cuzin) or kuya while they argue which drink to buy for their inuman.

• i like it when he stares (sometimes) at me while driving (with me pretending not to notice hahaha)

• i like it when he surprises me-even before..magugulat na lang ako na darating pala sha

d: pa crash ako ha
m: okay
d: pwede ba kong humarang dito sa gate.dito nako e
m: bilis mo naman!
d: kanina pako dito sa labas, hinihintay lang kita magising

• i like spending weekends with him kahit nanonood lang kami ng HBO at nagiinom....ng TUBIG!!!

• he's very patient

• he lets me be myself

• he liberates me

that's all for now...

via text...

me: peborit ata ako ng injan!pinagcocalls nako agad!
d: baka type ka hahaha mwah kamusta naman ang call?
m: bakla kaya yun.closet! ayun disaster.sabi nung mentor ko pinakamahirap na call yung licencing. i need a hug!
d:wawa naman. huuuuuuuug!!!
m:kaasar nga
-------
d: lunch ko na.ginaw sa sleeproom.buti wala lamok
m: nakakataba daw ang laging natutulog hahaha mwah
d:oo na taba na kung taba!
m:ang sexy mo kaya! hmmm (gigil!)
d:kaw un.nakakagigil.wag mo baligtarin.
m: wushu binobola mo pa ko! kiss moko!hahaha natawa kaya ako nung sinabi ko un sayo nung sinundo moko
d:mwah! ang alin?
m: ung kiss moko!
d: hahahaha kiss moko!
m: mwah mwah mwah mwah mwah mwah mwah mwah

d: yey!mwah!back at yah
m: egoy? yah? o jamaican? hehehe
d: bisa-yah!
m: hahaha hmmmmm hugs
d:yes pampainit
m: parang hayskul tayo wahahaha
d: ewan ko wala ako gf nung hiskul e
m: sino ba? ako nga 25 na nagbf.o sha bisa-yah slip kana big kiss!
d:ok mwah

i'll sleep with a smile on my face (ambabaw ng kaligayahan hahaha)

isang gabi, mineet ko ang ever dependable kong friend na si anakin. we haven't seen each other for a while at namiss ko sha.nagdate kami sa may bonifacio high street at lumafang ng bonggang bongga. pero dahil diet (?) kami, d din kami nakakain. during the date, dax texted na nakalunch sha at naghihintay ng slot sa sleep room.

d:sana dinaanan nyoko.
m:punta ka na lang dito
d: malelate ako e. kayo na lang may 20 mins pa ko

dahil magaling ako sa "geometry", naligaw kami.until makarating kami sa building nila

m: dito na kami
d: saan banda
m: sa may cowboy grill
d: eeeee ibang building yan
m: ang laki ng nakasulat ah _________
d:sa kabila kami

sa kagustuhan kong lumandi, nilakad namin ni anakin ang kabilang building while asking dax for directions.

d: san ka na?
m: chowking?
d: sige pa.
m:ihing ihi na kami ah
d: ang galing mo kasi magbasa
m: e un nakasulat e
line went dead....

m: lintek na yun binabaan ako ng phone
a: san na sha?

and there he was, walking towards me carrying a cup of whatever blueberry

d: o binilhan kita nito
m: ano yan?
d: capuccino ata
m: eeeeh d ako nagkakape e.
d: tikman mo.
m: tea sha na blueberry

natouch naman ako na naisip niyang bilhan ako ng pabaon. he seemed different. he was wearing a white polo shirt and slacks. smart casual ang dating.i was wearing a 2 inch wedge shoes and standing on an elevated pavement. finally, anakin spoke.

a: ang tatangkad niyo! nahihirapan ako tumingala
m: sorry naman o ayan.
d: hehehe

i dont know what to say to him.he was sporting a new hairstyle. nagpagupit si gago.

d: bagay ba yung buhok ko?
m: mahaba pa din e mas bagay sa yo ang kalbo
d:ok pagsasawaan ko muna to

since time na niya para umakyat, im torn if im going to kiss him sa cheeks o smack. good thing he wasnt having the same dilemma. he kissed me on the lips and said goodnight.

a: ang cute nyo para kayong bata
m: matandang parang bata na matanda din ang "binabata" hahaha in fernes di sha nahiyang halikan ako sa harap mo.feeling ko kinakarir na niya ko hehehe
a:magaling sha magdala ng damit
m: magaling din pag walang damit hahaha
a: ill never know.o sha pumara na tayo.
m: hahaha nakangiti lang ako sa driver!!!
a: sana maalala mong pumara!

haaaaay uncontrolable smile....

sabi ng officemate kong si choi..

c: may tawagan ba kayo?
m:ha?wala naman. dati boylet at shootah, hanggang ngayon nababanggit namin un. depende sa usapan.kung ano lang gusto niyang ipangasar sakin. natawag na niya kong sexy,chabi-chabi,4k (referring to my lost RSA secured ID worth 4,ooo), manang, shy type pero lately huy lang.
c: hahaha kamusta naman ung HUY!
m: e ganun kami e.kasi nga magkabarkada kami.di naman ako naooffend. kadalasan sha nga napipikon kasi ang kulit ko e.pareho nung isang araw na nagtext kami...

m: hay nako nakita ko na naman ang ex mo baka MFEO (meant for each other) kami. kinikilig na nga ata ako pag nakikita ko sha e
d: ok. idate kita after ng shift ko
m: ha? para sakin ba yun?
d: hinde, sa kin!
m: kainis ka :p
d:gimik?
m: para sa yo na naman ba yan??? nagcoconfigure ako ng letseng router namin. (naisip ko lang na bat niya ko tanungin ng gimik e may pasok ako the next day)
d: grrr ewan
m: uy masunget na. bakit masunget ang boylet ko?
no answer
m: huy sagutin mo naman ako
no answer
m: churi na. kuchikuchi coo, tatawa na yan (ginawang parang baby)

d: zzzzzzz (lunch niya e)
m: sige sleep na din ako nytie tsup tsup tsup

paggising ko wala pa din text haaay

m: mawnin! gising ka pa ba? kumain ka na? bati na ba tayo? hehehe

again no reply.so i told myself i wont wake him up which i normally do (he started doing that after i lost my effing ID so i wont be in a hurry to go to work kasi baka kung ano daw mawala ko pang gamit).kala niya ha. knowing him, magiinitiate shang magtext pag di ko na sha pinapansin. at nagdilang anghel ako

d: huy tripper
m: may S sa unahan ng tripper! hehehe huy ka din
d: hahaha
m: uy tumatawa ka na,bati na tayo ha
d: heh hahaha
m: tama na kakabagin ka na niyan hahaha
d: magagamot to ng true love hehehe
m: ako ang kakabagin nun hahaha
d: ano date kita ha kaso maiistorbo tulog mo e
m: haggard naman nun
d: oo nga
m: sa weekend na lang
d: pde!
m: tigang much?
d: kaw? hehehe
m: ikaw no! :p
d: para sakin ba un text na un?wahahaha oo kaya!
m: weh?kaw pa?
d: oo no!
m: yaan mo magpraktis ako hahaha pagprakisan ko si alyanna,un e kung papayag sha wahaha
d: ako nga ang pagpraktisan mo e.

dati dati pag magkasama kami, lagi kong sinasabi na:
m:ang mga lalaki lagi na lang akong nirerespeto, aba minsan naman bastusin nila ako!
d; o lika dito
m: hahaha sira!
d: ayaw mo naman magpabastos
m:pwede naman e takot lang sila. ikaw nga lang di natatakot sakin e
d: hehehe iba ako e.

ngayon, naisip ko be careful what you wish for hahaha not that im complaining coz i would miss his barbaric ways should he transform into a gentleman.natutuwa naman ako kasi nakakapambastos din ako.sa text nga lang hehehe

d: huy gising ka na magmamadali ka na naman!
m: huy gising na. tara ligo na tayo
d: loko ka ha sama ko jan sige ka
m: san ka na? iwan kong bukas ang pinto ng cr, wag lang sana ako makita ni alyanna
d: daya lakas loob palibhasa malayo ako
m: tagal mo ah giniginaw nako
d: ows? baka tapos ka na maligo ah
m: hahaha nagbibihis na
d: pascore naman jan
m: ambagal mo e!
d: hmp magdvd na lang ako
m: hahaha

sa gabi...
m: oist gising na. tagulan na!
d: gising na.oo nga lakas ulan
m: gusto pa papatayuin e
d: nakatayo na!!!
m: bergud o hubad na hahahaha
d:humanda ka sakin ha tuwad!!hahaha
m: kailangan ko muna ng drugs bago moko mapatuwad!
d: vitamin c pwede na?
m: hmmm pwede na din hahaha madali pala kausap
d: yey!
m: yey ka jan wala ka na namang parking space aba!
d: sa susunod humanda ka talaga sakin
m: boohoo im so scared

ganun lang naman sa text. pero pag naguusapkami,matino naman (define matino hahaha). haaaay i looooove the weekends.

i've been pondering on this thought for a month now, kami ba o practice lang?

pardner: pwede ka na magassume no! ang tagal nyo ng friends
me: e ano naman?
p: maglambing ka naman!
m:parang di bagay e
p: so maghihintayan na naman kayo?
m: parang ganun.ok naman kami e happy naman.
----------------
me: pano mo niligawan si joy?
utoy (my brother): di na uso un ate!
m: e ano pala? ganun na lang? basta na lang?
u: sinabi kong gusto ko sha, ang tanga mo hahaha
m: malay ko ba? siguro kaya di ako nagkabf kasi hinihintay ko na sabihin nilang nanliligaw na sila
u:ang manhid mo naman pala
m: kasi may friend ako. binigyan niya ko ng chocolate na left over sa baon namin nung nagpicnic kami (of course i wouldnt dare tell him about my escapades hehehe nahihiya naman ako kasi 14 years ang gap namin at by now i should have had more experience than him)
u: gusto ka nun! ano ka ba ate?!
m:wag ka nga! hahaha nagsesex ba kayo ni joy?
u: hindi na 2008 pa (he was so coy given the circumstance)
m: ano ka gurang? ang bata nyo pa wala ng sex?)
u:sira ka ba e kung mabuntis ko un?maganda ang future nun. civil engineer pag natapos!mayaman kami pag nagkataon (potah papalaki lang ata ng tyan tong kapatid ko pag nagasawa e)

akalain mong ang sinto2 kong kapatid,may pangarap din pala hehehe
-------------------
ok naman si dax.medyo nangangapa kung ok lang ako.minsan nga parang humihingi pa sha ng assurance na happy pa din ako.pero i never dared to ask him kung ano kami. kasi masaya naman and im not too eager to start a relationship, lalo kung di pa naman sha nagsasabi (ayan na naman ang kamanhidan ko hahaha). nakakatuwa sha minsan. ginigising nya ko thu text pag papasok na at magbabastusan kami (ayun un e hahaha). he's always been thoughtful kahit nung BFFs pa lang kami. natuwa din ako sa toblerone kahit si aira at alyanna naman ang kumain.pati sa vicks drops nung may ubo ako. lalo na sa sinabi niyang (in context):

"di ko naman nagagawa to noon, e ngayon kailangan na para mapaligaya kita hehehe"

sana nga mapaligaya mo pa ko ng bonggang bongga!! hahahaha

saturday...tambay day!weeeee! was planning to go and watch salt with alyanna, aira and our newest transient chrisanta when dax texted that he'll visit (what's new?). he hasnt had his lunch so i cooked buffalo wings for him. alyanna texted him and asked:

alyanna: bat pinapaalis mo kami ha?
dax: hindi ah
a: may utang ka pa sakin na mahaba matigas at masarap last week!

i asked him what he'll bring
d: granma!!!
m: ayaw niya nun, granpa ang gusto niya hahaha
d: la akong nabili. coke na lang hehehe

when he got here, he immediately asked:

d:pinapaalis mo ba sila?
m: sira hindi no. aalis talaga yang mga yan.
d: so wala tao?hehehe
m: si dark maiiwan (to dark---alis ka din ba???hahaha)
dark:hahaha
dax: may bumibili pala niyan??(project runway dvd)
m: oo naman enjoy sila lahat jan, si stanley lang ang di nacoconvince hehehe
d: hahahaha (looking at dark) pati sha?
m: oo naman. fan sha niyan e
d: hahahaha alyanna bat bumibili ka niyan?
a: maganda e bakit?kaw nga nanonood ng porn e
d: syempre kaw din naman ah, iba nga lang yung sa inyo hahaha
a: gusto mo ba manood?
d: hahaha di na. yung straight ba meron ka?
a: meron!
m: basta may lalaki ok na yun
a: oo pag gwapo ang guy why not!
d: patingin naman ng phone, may mantika nga lang kamay ko!
a: oo ba, pero padrive ako ng kotse mo hahaha

while waiting for aira to finish taking a bath, crisanta approached me.dax and alyanna went out for a few minutes

c: girl ang bango niya!
m: so nakalimutan mo na si bully (dark's cousin na kras din daw niya)
c: oo
dark: hahaha
m: isusumbong ka namin!hahaha ang bilis ng pangamoy mo ah
c: ambango e!ready hahaha
m: sira!
c: parang ayoko na umalis tuloy
m:hahaha so sha na lang panoorin mo???
c: tamaaaaah

everyone was there, even stanly sans his weekend visitor. eventually, aira finished with his routine and asked right away upon seeing me "o ano dumating na ba ang loverboy mo??? ay!" he saw dax grinning at him.

d: ano sabi mo?
aira: wala no
d: hinde nga ano yun?
m: hahahaha huli ka!

alyanna: oy dax, 3 hours lang kayo ha
d: hahahahaha
a: babalik kami at matutulog ako ayoko ng maingay!
m: hehehe di kami un.
aira, alyanna at crisanta: bye!!!
d: oy alyanna di ka ba magpapalit ng damit?
a: jan lang kami sa cash...3 hours ha!!
d: hahaha

after a few minutes
d: nanjan pa ba sila?
m: ewan ko. parang nagtatawanan pa e
d: (sinilip niya sa gate) ay nandun pa e
alyanna: ay nako (ranting in kapampangan)
m: o bat kayo di pa umaalis
a: sa MOA naman daw kami hmp

at last umalis din sila.

titigan portion...si dark nagwawatch ng dvd.

d: ano?
m: si dark e. papaalam ba tayo?
d: ewan
m: tara na nga!

d: masahe moko!
m: di ako marunong!

tinry ko ang galing ko sa pagmamasahe pero wa epek hahaha di talaga ako marunong!

m: o ako naman! masahe moko
d: ayos ah kala ko ako masahihin mo e
m: tapos ka na e!walang kilitian!
d: hehehe shy type!!
m: heh!

curtain closes
THE END
hehehehehe

my homies are getting into a new habit. we always have visitors every weekend. mine's every saturday, stanly and tinnie, sundays. aira, every so often hahaha. "buffy"(as jude and honey calls him nowadays, is DAX) asked me out to a poker night gimmick this weekend last thursday night. i said yes. turned out they lack players so it didnt push through. stuck with a dilemma, he asked me on friday:

b: anong gimmick mo this weekend?
m: di ba may game ka?
b: huh? oo
m: bat may huh?
b: nagulat kasi ako na tinanong mo kung may game ako?
m: ah ewan hahaha bat ko ba natanong?
b: ah ok.cge may gimik ka ata e.
m: wala naman.sayang yung poker
b: so wala ka gimik? gimikan mo ba ako?hehehe
m: hahaha san?
b: di nako magimik e.kaw?
m:ako pa tinanong mo e homebody ako.ang alam ko lang e kain, movie, bowling kahit di magaling hehehe zoo o starcity
b: fight!
m: alangang fight buong maghapon
b: oo nga.pwede din un hahaha
m: sira! hahaha zoo na lang
b:basta ba may hayop pa dun e
m: talaga? yey!
b: :p
m: kainis ka naexcite pa naman ako
b: cge. mukhang gusto mo talaga makita mga kamaganak mo dun e hehehe mwaaah
m: pramis? tenchu mwah mwah mwah
b: marunong ka magdrive diba?
m: wala akong lisensya. bakit?
b:baka makatulog ako e hahahaha
m: che hmp!!!!!

end of story

come saturday morning
all star cast sa baler. including anakin who at one point e sinet-up ko sa kanya. he texted na he's outside at gutom na.i came out and invited him in.

m: anakin, si dax, dax si anakin
anakin: hi
dax:hi.pambihira ako nakaligo na ok na ikaw di ka pa bihis
m: hoy nakaligo nako
d: e tara gutom nako
m: dark sama ka ba?
d: hindi na
m: si anakin isasakay natin ha

sa car.
d:sama ka samin anakin?
a: hindi uwe ako.
d: ayaw mo kumain?
a: kayo na lang.may pasok e.
d: sa cash ka namin idrop off kung magtaxi ka
a: ok

pagbaba ni anakin may nagtext!
anakin: may tama ako!!!
m:hahahaha true

ok naman ang araw. same old jokes, clean fun and a lot of coughing kasi im sick hahaha. habang bumibili ako ng strepsils, he waited outside.after that i was looking for him and found him breathing on the glass wall. he looks like a kid amazed at how the glass moisten with his breath. ang cute niya tingnan. sinundot ko ang butt niya while laughing.

m: anong ginagawa mo?
d: wala hahaha
m: hahaha mukha kang bata
he just smiled. i dunno if that's his way of making "pa-cute". infernes, it worked. medyo awkward kasi di ko alam kung kailangan bang sweet kami o yung normal lang. he seemed ok holding my hand once in a while. yung kunyari hihilahin ako somewhere.mayamaya magbibitiw tapos iipitin niya ng braso niya yung arm ko like i was holding on to him.o kaya he'll wrap his arm around my neck while laughing at 2 guys dating. by any standard (our standard), things havent changed. di na nga lang niya ako inaasar about my weight. and since the last time we saw each other, pumayat ako.yun nga lang panay ang hint niya na we go somewhere and have fun. to which i responded, bawal ako maginom.im on medication.we both laughed i told him about my bucket list. na nabawasan ko na sha. but wont tell him kung ano ang nagawa ko. he brought me home. humihirit pa din sha na we go out kaso naaawkward ako hahaha.

after he left, i dropped the bomb...
m: nagpa brazilian ako wahahahaha
d: patingin. kainis to!
talked on the phone for an hour. told him the horrors i went thru.nakaspeaker ako na sinaksak niya sa cd para mukhang nakikinig sha sa radio while driving at ako ang dj hehehe aliw. we talked until he got home.

maharot sighs....

i've always been safe. i choose "safe" clothes, minimal make up, simple accessories, nothing that would make me standout from the rest (except for my height). i hate taking risks and would rather observe from afar, waiting who would concede in a heated debate over who's the more powerful God or which politician could offer salvation to our country. not that im not talkative, coz i am, believe me. i just wont go an extra mile just to prove a point or engage myself in a discussion that may result to EOF (end of friendship) hehehe. im just a laid-back gal who considers a bottle of coke and a few(?) sticks of cigarettes the highlight of my day. did i mention i hate taking risks?hehehe. because of that, i fear many things, leading me to miss out on things a normal woman my age encounters every now and then.

ayan nawala na naman ang iniisip ko.grrrr.basta,masaya ako. i feel liberated. free of my fears (well, a few of them). i never though something i dreaded for a long time could feel so good. im not talking about sex. im talking about allowing yourself to explore possibilities, things that i have evaded for quite some time now,fearing it would mess up something i value very much: friendship.

at dahil jan, may nagtext! AKO! to anakin: MAY TAMA KA! hahaha salamat sa mga advice mo.kahit nung "nililiberate"ko ang sarili ko e di ko naman sila naisip hahaha. it was like a dream.i was staring at his face and still cannot believe what was happening. kay alyanna at dark sa kanilang pangunawa (pasensya na talaga), pati na din kay aira na walang malay. alam ko malabo ang pinagsasasabi ko, pero baka idelete nila ang account ko pag dumaldal pako dito sa travellerspoint.com. at SA IYO, isa lang masasabi ko: YOU'RE SIMPLY AMAZING!

i was mulling over which company to apply for when anakin sent me a message asking if i wanna go to baclaran. it's the first wednesday of the month, so we went. besides, God misses me a lot. i just know, trust me. although i bet he gets annoyed with my whining and endless spiels containing gratitude and wish lists of what im missing in my life.

going back, we were already praying,kneeling side by side on the pew when i giggled. i thought she didnt hear me giggling. she asked me afterwards what i was giggling about..

a: bat ka nga pala tumatawa kanina?
m: wala lang kasi bigla na lang ako may nasabi na out of context. sabi ko kasi sana si mama healthy, si utoy(my brother) di na matigas ang ulo, si nanay (my lola) stays healthy and thankful that her children loves her,. sana _____na si ____.

we started laughing. then i told her how my prayers went while i was lighting some candles.

m: habang kinukuha ko ang kandila, sabi ko " ako ito (holding the candle), ito ikaw (my unknown partner in the future), eto si mama, si utoy at si nanay. habang sinisindihan ko sha (my candle) ,sabi ko, sana mahanap ko na ang purpose ko sa buhay. not that im complaining about my worry-free life but i want to find the meaning of my mere existence (aside from driving "drivers" gaga over my charms).then i got "his"candle (hopefully,i wont change preference).sabi ko, eto ikaw, sana pag nahanap mo na ko, kumatok ka sa gate ng malakas para marinig ko at makita kita. tapos sabihin mo sakin HOY AKO NA TO! I FOUND YOU! yey.masaya lahat di ba kung mahahanap moko at marerealize kong ikaw na pala yun ( at the back of my mind, that's just the beginning of a new blog entry hehehe.) pano pala kung ikaw yung sinungitan kong driver kasi laos ang mga hirit mo, believe me i always get "harrased" pag nagcacab ako papasok, i can write an article about it
o kaya yung mailman na pilit na pinapareceive ang sulat na di naman para sakin. o kaya ang neighbor na di ko pa namimeet.pano kung tindero ka ng isaw, e di pa naman ako kumakain nun. kailangan makahanap ka ng creative way to present yourself, otherwise, we'll spend a lifetime wasted on waiting for each other. as usual, my prayers for my loved ones were the same.

a: ang kulit mo magdasal. parang nagbblog ka lang hahaha
m: true! simula HS ako ganyan nako magdasal.teka nagugutom nako. what's new???hehehe

after our annual indoor games tournament ( i dont even know if that's grammatically correct), alyanna and i decided to give in to temptation. hedonistic mode...MASSAGE!!my masseur was good.his name is George. swabe sha. his strokes were just right.kaso tumatama ang ba*ag niya sa sakong ko, pramis! dedma naman ako kasi it doesnt bother me a bit. i was enjoying the massage and that's all that matters.maya-maya, naramdaman ko na ang pitutoy niya sa sakong ko. ah baka di naman sadya. sa sarap ng massage, i dozed off. aba naalipungatan akong minamasahe na niya ang fleshy part ng chest ko habang nakadapa ako. at full effort niyang pinapasok ang kamay niya para masapo ag boobs ko!pati nga kilikili ko minasahe na niya makalusot lang sa bra ko e.nakaunhook sa likod peronakacover pa sha habang nakadapa ako. kaloka sha.since antok pa ko, d ko na napansin until narinig ko si alyanna na nagsabing "tapos na ba sha?" (kasi sha e tapos na at ako e legs at back pa lang ang namamasahi niya spending so much time on my chest). sa tagal ko ng nagpapamasahe sa lalaki, ngayon lang may naglakas loob na gumawa nun!i admire his courage pero sana di sha nagsamantala. i felt harassed, i swear. well,i really was.

after ko magising, dinemonstrate ko kina alyanna at aira kung pano nilamutak ng hinayupak na yun ang "laman" ko. la naman shang nahipong iba pero napatumbling sila nung tinry ko yung strokes sa kanila.humagalpak ng tawa ang mga bakla! i bet tinigasan sha(george) sana 24 hrs shang manigas at eventually e reglahin shang hayop sha!! kala ata niya ha. kailangan po ng search party para hanapin kung may boobs ako no! die, you fucktard! marape ka sana ng 5 parloristang baklang 7 buwan ng tigang!

i wasnt expecting any urgent messages so i left my "quite expensive" phone in my locker.after work, i retrieved my phone and saw a mischievous message from you know who...

d: hipuan ulit?saka tulog din ako maya
m: ngayon ko lang nabasa text.pauwe pa lang ako
d: so hipuan nga?saan ka na?
m:namimiss mo si bonel no? (i named my pimple bonel kasi ang lakilaki tapos di pa kaaya-ayang tingnan). lalo siyang lumaki waaaah. pasakay pa lang bus

i didnt give it much of a thought since he may be kidding.when i got home i felt tired so i decided to sleep early. tabby got home an hour after. told him to just shut down my laptop after using it. got in the shower to get ready.im really sleepy and i need at least 30 mins to dry my hair. someone pounded on my door. thinking it was stanly or tabby in a much needed emergency, i carefully opened the door only to find dax grinning at me as he attempted to open my door.

m:aaaah. tumigil ka nga!
d: hahaha
m: akina yang towel ko!
d: bukas mo pinto bibigay ko sayo.
m: heh!
d: alis muna ko.balikan kita.
m: okay

when i got out he wasnt there anymore. didnt bother to text as well coz i need to get dressed.once im done i went down to see him smiling.

m: ano yan dala mo?
d: pizza & chicharon. di ako nakabili coke mo e. may rice kayo?
m: la e. ano ulam?
d: bicol express.bigay sakin.ligo muna ako.

m: ano pa binili mo?uy FHM!
d: lagyan mo to tubig.

nilagay ko sa ref ang inuman niya.

d: san mo yan dalhin?
m: papalamigin ko
d: akina yan dadalhin ko yan sa room.
m: sige isunod ko...

umakyat na sha...

m: psst tabby pag sumigaw ako tumawag ka ng 911 ha!
tabby: yoko nga bahala kayo hehehe
m:aanhin kaya niya ang tubig e matutulog lang naman?
t:baka type niya ipaligo sa yo
m: sira!!! pervert ka hahaha

pag-akyat ko inaaaaay! nasa dulo pala sha ng hagdan at di pumapasok ng room. sana di niya narinig yung sinabi ko.

d: ayos kayo sa pants ah
m: kay aira yan lahat hahaha
d: fire waiting to happen tong bahay nyo ah. grabe magsaksak ng appliances. 3 sa isang socket hahaha
m: true!

since mainit, di kami pwede magdikit kasi mukha naman tanga yun. wala naman si alyanna para isiksik ko sarili ko sa bed kasama niya. nagbasa lang sha ng FHM while i look on. it was angel locsin on the cover. as usual puro kamanyakan na naman ang pinagsasabi niya.

d: eto type mo ba to? (pinting at a male model)
m: di no.di ako mahilig sa ganyan
d: wooshoo di ka mahilig sa pogi at sexy???
m: hoooy di po. parang di natin pinagtatalunan si unagi ah. malapit ba yan sa itsura niya?
d:hooooo
m: ang babae di naman after sa looks e
d: mukha nga hahaha
m: ang init grabe...
d: ayaw nyo kasi pasingawin tong room e.

maya2 wala na kami mapagusapan. before, it didnt bother me. parang comfortable kami sa silence. lumabas na lang ako to let him sleep.

i took a bath (again! OA ang humidity) and settled next to him on alyanna's mattress. i let him have my bed.after a couple of hours. jungwa and alyanna started texting me to make my move (as if naman may plano akong mauna). told them it wont happen.

jungwa: uy nagpaparamdam na si dax!
m:di nga e
j: isuko mo na!
alyanna:oo nga umuwe nako para masarili nyo ang room
m: tumigil nga kayo
j: pwede mo ding palitan ng B ang K!
m: anooo?
j: isuko at isubo hahaha
m: letse! wag ka na nga natatakot na nga ako e. mala schublig kaya!
j: hahaha

then pumasok ng room si tabby. ok pa naman ang ayos namin.after a while natamaan ko ata si tabby. nagsorry ako then tumabi na ko kay dax pagtulog.ang himbing ng tulog niya parang di na humihinga e. until pumulupot sha ulit just like last night.we slept in that position until he woke me up.

d: pasok nako.
m: ok
d: u were great (nasa sala na kami at nakatitig sa amin si aira)
m: great ka jan!
aira: aay hahaha

paglabas namin.

d: babay na.kiss
m: beso

parang awkward yung beso at matamlay yung hug ko. samantalang para kaming may glue nung natutulog.

while driving away, he shouted thanks, labshu!

feeling ko nahihiya sha.kasi never nga niya binanggit in person yung usapan namin, which is fine by me.i just want to enjoy our bonding sessions. im getting fonder of him by the day. aaaaaw....

ABANGAN.........

i had an unexpected, or should i say expected, visitor yesterday. he asked if he could be a transient for the rest of the day. i got excited by the thought of seeing him, curious of how he would react re: our "agreement". i was reading a book by richard north patterson when he got there.

d: wow. dapat peter north!
m: napanood ko na sha e hehehe

when i looked up, he was wearing a basketball uniform too purple for my taste with the word Spartan sewn across the jersey.

m: ang chuckie ng uniform ha!
d: e ano yan?

my one-day old pimple was glaring at him as we speak. very bad timing indeed. i need to train these zit! grr...

m: e ano ngayon kaw din may pimple sa kilay ah (which was only a fifth of my oversized "pet")
d: wala lang 'to pero yan hahaha....tara putukin na natin!!
m: ano, lobo lang?putukin natin, ganun? tumigil ka nga. (he was aiming at my belly) waaaaaaaaaag! (ayun, nabasa ako ng tubig na iniinom ko)
d: hahaha diet pala ha.
m: tseh!

he took a bath and smelled like he has somewhere else to go. it didnt look like a sleeping attire to me. he was wearing a cargo shorts and a shirt.

m: ang laki2 ng dala mong bag wala ka naman pasalubong!
d: sabi mo diet ka e
m: payat na kaya ako!?!?!

he tugged at my shorts just as jungwa (my korean looking housemate) walk in on us. dax's reaction was priceless. perhaps he doesnt want jungwa to think he was doing something nasty.it was a bit awkward.

m: at san ka galing?
d: nanay lang?
m: misis! sumagot ka?
j: office
m: aha affair sa office. sino yan ha! anong pangalan niyaaaaa. hahahaha

to dax: o ano tutulog ka na ba?
d: sino tao?
m: wala nandito ako sa baba e di wala nakahiga sa bed ko
d: TAO, hindi bagay.
m: ah si alyanna at tabby.tulog na sila
d: samahan moko alangan naman ako lang umakyat sa room

i changed into my beloved PJs and got the book i intended to give him.we were whispering since alyanna is lying next to us in her bed.

d: maaabsorb ko ba to?
m: oo naman.sa sale ko yan nabili. 50 lang.
d: lika na dito.... titirisin natin yan pimple mo
m: aaaaaah ayaw sssh!
d: hi (to alyanna)
a: uhhm ....(then she started to hum "we could be in love")
m: hahaha sira
d: ano daw?
m: kinakantahan niya tayo!
d: hahaha

paghiga ko pa lang, i felt his arms wrap around me like a bacon hugging a hotdog. wrap around ito! not that he hasnt done that before, so i didnt react. pero kung makadikit sha parang gusto niyang ubusin ang amoy ng shampoo ko. it's also the first time i saw him with stubles.manipis lang naman. i dunno if i like it.he was the one who pointed it out. perhaps he waiting for me to disapprove of it. i didnt say anything. we proceeded to stage 1 of sleep, yung parang nagugulat at nahuhulog ka. after that feeling ko nasa REM stage kami the rest of the time kasi i can feel his heartbeat. natakot pako kasi baka hinihika sha o highblood. pero di naman sha nagrereklamo. in fernez, behaved sha.no hanky panky i normally get from him.pagentleman effect si potah. im proud of him nonetheless.

while embracing him, i suddenly felt nostalgic. parang naaalala ko nung 4 years old ako. may rule ang mama ko na bawal akong "uulo" na mas mataas sa kanya. i dunno what that means, subordination siguro, you know how oldies are. anyway, nakasanayan ko na na sa may tagiliran ako humihiga at nakayapos lang ako sa kanya. i guess that's why i cant sleep without my pillow, otherwise maghahanap ako ng madadantayan o mayayakap.pagyakap ko sa kanya, it feels odd kasi it's like hugging a box. his chest is hard and i can feel his heart beating. mas ok na yun, katakot pag wala ng heartbeat hahaha. naisip ko tuloy baka fatherly love lang nafifeel ko hehehe.

after what feels like 18 and two-fourth years (o-ha san ka pa!) nagising din sha.he gently laid me down my bed (i was using his arms as my pillow), and told me he needs to go to work.kahit wala pa ko sa wisyo, i sat up and mumbled something inaudible. he laughed, amazed at how i can talk while still asleep ( i did it once when i slept at his place). i followed him downstairs only to see him clad in his undies, a hi-cut brief which reminded me of david beckham in his armani print ads. yeah, go figure. it's a good thing i was able to feign sleep after being awakened by that sight hahaha.

pagalis niya,normal na beso lang din and hug.kaso nung nagtetext na kami pagalis niya, saka na humihirit. uberhirap ilabas yung sasakyan kasi may nagdoublepark sa labas so 4 cars yung nakapaligid sa garahe, pati sa tapat house may nagpark ng basta na lang.nung at last e nakaalis na nagtext ako...

m: ur incredible hahaha ingat!
d: so were u!
m: ang ganda ng dream ko, nasa Glee daw ako!!!
d: yuck
m: yak ka jan. ang ganda ng boses ko dun ha. pero i bet lipsynch yun
hahaha
d: may malaking mic kang hawak e
m: ha??hoy di kita hinipuan no!
d: hahaha
m:hinde nga?hinipuan ba kita???
d: oo, kaya gumanti ako.confirmed la ka lawit
m: naknam!hindi kita hinipuan ha!!
d: dakot
m:asa ka.di ako nangdadakma unless nagpapadakma!hinipuan mo nga ako?!? ur
so unfair.
d: nauna ka e bawi ka next time!
m: sakit pimple ko...waaah
d: putukin na!
m: ayaw.takot ako sa putukan hahaha
d: darating din tayo jan
m: wooshoo hinde nga?!?
d: masasanay ka din. dami lang tao jan e
m: asows! weno naman?
d: baka makijoin e lugi naman ako. magkakasubuan, ay magkakasubukan din
pala tayo e. check in check in hahahaha
m: di nila tayo bet hahahaha checkin ka jan. kailangan ko ng sangkatutak
na alcohol at MSG sa systema ko bago yun mangyari!
d: dadalhan kita hahaha

i dunno why i feel like a kid (kahit gaano kami kabalahura) whenever im with him. like nung titirisin niya yung pimple ko hinarang ko yung isang finger ko. di pa din sha tumigil kakukulit, napilitan akong takpan ang part ng mukha ko na may pimple.paghiga ko, pinipilit niyang tanggalin ang unan sa face ko. ako naman, ayoko kasi feeling ko parang napaka bare pag la harang. mamaya pag akap niya kung saan dumapo ang kamay niya. biniro ko pa sha ng "wag mo titirisin pimple ko pagtulog na ko ha". yung parang elementary kami magusap at magkulitan. including the famous "SINO MAGKAKAMPI?". pag yun na ang statement, bati na kami agad kahit ano pa pinagtatalunan namin. sana parang pang elementary lang lahat....

isang kagimbal-gimbal na pangyayari ang nasagap ko from aira. may nakaiwan ng pc at di nashutdown ng maayos...ayun nahuli tuloy namin na may lihim sha.actually ang lihim na yun e di na talaga lihim, dahil majority sa bahay ay alam na ang hilig niyang sites...halos mapatumbling ako dahil minsan ko shang minahal wahahahaha. well, OA naman yun.heniways, agad ko itong ibinalita sa love guru ko at ito lang ang nasabi niya....

d: yaaaaaak
m: kaloka talaga! 3 lalaki ito na kumekyeme sa isat isa. di ko kinaya. di ko mapigil matawa.pati si alyanna nagpipigil lang din.
d:ay nako. ako na lang kasi patulan mo!
m: sira ka,la na ko balak patulan sha matagal na no. ikaw magpractice ka muna baka di moko kayanin(mabigat!?!)
d: kakayanin ko!
m:aaaw im so touched ur making me wet hahaha
d: lika touch kita hahaha
m: pag sawa ka na sa social life mo,u know where to find me...
d: ok game. bahay ka?
m: oo sa piling ng mga bakla as usual
d: hahaha ayoko may audience
m: wahahaha duwag
d: hah? di no. hubo tuwad!
m: wala ka namang kafinesse2!!
d: ikaw nga e basta mo na lang....
m: hoy di biglaan yun ha he begged me to
d: ok.ill beg tatandaan ko
m: game ka na ba??
d: game na game! di pareho ng mga gusto mo, gay na gay!
m: hahaha noon yun nagbago nako
d: sige sabi mo e
m: kita mo ikaw, pag ako i believe you.... sino magkakampi?!?
d: tayo, kaya nga sabi ko sabi mo e d ba? hahaha
m: bergud!!!

pagising ko kanina, may nagtext!!!! (we were talking about perversion kung sino mas perverted samin bago matulog). sabi ko lugi ako kasi nga la akong experience. "practice tayo para pumantay! it's about time!" naloka ako.naisip ko baka naman individual practice.so sabi ko im not "dating" anyone at the moment so sabi niya ha?ah ok.dispatsadora!(dinispatsa ko na daw kasi si .....)

me: ay tayong bang 2 ang magppractice ---(para naman clear di ba?)
raffle winner: o nga para di tayo soloista.
me: so payag ka na sa proposal ko dati?
rw: na ano?
me: sa baby ko
rw: practice muna hahaha
me: hahaha
rw: ano?!?
me: demanding?!?
rw: oo. kaso di naman ako papasa kasi pihikan ka. cge tulog na lang ako (nagpapahabol pa??!)
me: tulugan talaga ako?
rw: ano game?!? antok. subic ako tom
me: sigurado ka jan ha. game!!!!!
rw: loka ka ha tapos aatras ka naman
me: we'll see about that
rw: wooshoo baka uminom ka muna.pampalakas loob
me: aba syempre!
rw: wag na.pero pede din
me: baka manigas ako pag di moko nilasing
rw: cge lasingan muna tayo.
-------after a while-----
rw: di maeenjoy kung lasing
me: ayos ah naiisip mo pa yan e
rw: e di pareho itry, lasing at hindi hahaha
me: may follow up na agad?la ka pang appointment with my secretary ah
rw: mahaba ba pila?
me: wala nga pumipila e hahaha
rw: sige set up nako appointment ako ang 1st ha.
me: hahaha atat? tigang much?
rw: talaga! saka para di ka abutan ng pagunaw ng mundo!
------------------------------------------------
so unclear ang status pero nagYES ako!
that was DAX im exchanging text with wooohoooo!
sabi nga ni anakin "MAY TAMA AKO!" (may hula sha na sooner or later, mapupunta sa ganito ang scenario namin ni dax)